Still

I wrote a post about how pist off and aggravated I feel right now but I decided to erase it because after I was done, I realized I didn't have one good reason to feel the way I was feeling. It was just me being a brat.  It's about 90 degrees right now, which is very unusual for Seattle and maybe it was just the heat making me grouchy.  I think it might be that, or the fact that I'm missing him like crazy and I wish I could hold him right now, and kiss him and tell him "let's just forget about everything and start over" but I know that it's not going to happen and that it is completely over between us.  I had a dream that he was hugging me and we were so close, and it felt so right.  I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking about him and I wonder if one day, maybe, we can reach out and rediscover each other.  I know it's not right, he hurt me so much... but for some reason I still love him. He's still my monkey.