Thursday, July 31, 2003

My sister is having a baby tomorrow!! I'm so excited :) She just called me from the hospital and they are inducing birth tomorrow. This will be her third birth and she doesn't seem nervous. How amazing. I wonder if i'll ever go through that experience... I hope so. I hope everything goes well tomorrow.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Love gone bad

I gave you way too many chances
And you still came back for more
To hurt me even worse
Than you ever did before

I knew you weren̢۪t the same,
But I still believed in you
I ignored how much you changed
And continued loving you

But a light came sparkling through
Sent from high above
I found out you had another
And were playing with my love

Tears came crashing strong
With a pain I never knew
How could I had been so blind
While you played me for a fool?

You said too many times
I was your one and only love
And you were willing to do anything
To gain all that we lost

But all along you were with her
And kept me on the side
While you gave your world to her
You gave me tears each time

You were never man enough
To let me go for good
And you thought your game of lies
Would never catch with you

But here I am today
Giving myself a fresh, new start
And to tell you that you lost
The day you broke my heart
I remember when I met him how uneasy he made me feel, how he undressed me with his eyes... I should've known then that this would not be an easy ride, and it hasn't been. Years of waiting, hoping, breaking each others hearts, wrong timing, inmaturity, passion, love, the fantasy of what if... I've never loved anyone like I've loved him. He doesn't feel the same way though. For him, it has been a different type of love, one that he can live without. I feel so used, I've let myself be used. I used to be so proud, now I have no backbone. I just read a letter that said that his behavior is due to what he is lacking at home... I tried to give him everything! Maybe that has been my mistake. He takes me for granted and it's all my fault. What happened to my backbone? It's gone when it comes to him and this problem. Of course he acts the way he acts! I let him get away with everything. They say in life you should not have any regrets... well I do. I regret the fact that I was too available, said sorry one too many times when it wasn't necessary. Now I'm really sorry.
I don't want to be with out him though...

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Yesterday was hell. I can't seem to have any say in anything when it comes to getting some response. He promised me and he hasn't come through. Am I just being naive? Should I believe everyone else? Or should I trust him? How horrible to not trust. I never knew what that was...
I guess time will tell and the truth will come out. I told him I met my end of the deal and he hasn't kept his.
Where did I lose the person I used to be and can I rediscover her?
So many questions.
On a differnet note... I just found out I am going to the Dave Mathews concert next Monday in Portland. How cool is that???? I went last year to see them for the first time at the Gorge and it was awesome, I'm sure this concert will be just as much fun.

Monday, July 28, 2003

I'm back from having the weirdest weekend in a long long time. I have too much information and I don't know what the best way to deal with this is. All I wish for is for time to fly by.

Friday, July 25, 2003

Yeah!!!! It worked. Now I have to figure out how to post pictures...

Day 1

As I sit here in front of the empty screen, attempting to create an diary, I think to myself... What do I want to write about? Why am I chosing to do this? Does it matter? Well, I have wanted to do this for a while but never got around to doing it. This will be my first try, hopefully I won't bore you.

My name is Karen and I'm 27 years old. I live in Seattle at sine 2001. I have moved around quite a bit since I was 12 years old. I am originally from Bolivia, lived in Argentina, Miami, L.A., Virignia and now, Seattle. I have a boy in my life, we are married and he's my love. Things are not that great with him right now but I love him very much and have hope that things will get better.

Thats it for today, have a good day, don't let anything bring you down:)