Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Hi! I'm back from a four day trip to Los Angeles. I had an awesome time!! I went to visit Alejandra and Simon , they live in Santa Monica, a few blocks away from the beach, a block or two away from the shops and close to everything nice. The trip was a great escape from all the bullshit that had been happening and it was also the first real vacation I've taken in a very long time. I had very good conversations with both of them, met Alejandra's best friend, went to China Town for Dim Sum, went to eat Sushi, shopped a little and cruised around in her bad ass Land Rover Discovery.
I didin't even think about F. and for the first time in ages, I didn't have nightmares. I think I'm on my way to forgetting him and moving on. I cannot wait till he's just a faded memory... him all the dirty people that caused me pain.
I got back to work this morning and as I had suspected, he had left me a voicemail at 1am last night. Saying hi and to please call him to the restaurant where he is working now. I don't know what he thinks this is, or how it makes sense in his head to just "check up on me". Doesn't he understand that what he has done in irreversible? Last I heard, he was moving in with her... What does he expect from me? Maybe he's just calling cuz it's the end of the month, and like he told me, he had always been with me out of convenience, so maybe he's just short on money and needs me to bail him out of trouble one more time. Fuck that! I'm done, never again will I let him take advantage of me.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

(Alanis Morissette)

Friday, September 19, 2003

It was my dad's big 5-0 yesterday! I wish I could've been there to give him a big ole hug and kiss. I spoke to him, to my mama and to my sister Mariana. I miss them all so much. Mariana was telling me all about her trip to el Festival de la Cultura in Sucre. I went to it in 1999 with Anabel, Tico, Lopo, Franco and the twins. We stayed for a whole week (the festival is two weeks) and had a lot of fun. We went to plays, concerts, movies, museums... we sat all afternoon in the plaza drinking wine, reading, talking.. We would sleep in late, party at night. I met a whole bunch of cool ass people, hippies form all over the world, artists, poeple with the common interest in culture and arts. We went to poetry readings, saw Mercedes Sosa sing DE MI, a Charly Garcia song:

Cuando estes mal, cuando estes solo
cuando ya estes cansado de llorar
no te olvides de mi
porque se que te puedo estimular.
Cuando me mires a los ojos
y mi mirada este en otro lugar
no te acerques a mi
porque se que te puedo lastimar.
No piense que estoy solo
es solo una manera de actuar
no piense que estoy solo
estoy comunicado con todo lo demas.
Por eso
Cuando estés mal, cuando estés sola
cuando ya estés cansada de llorar
no te olvides de, mi
porque se que te puedo estimular."

She also sang the song from Pablo Milanes:

"El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Pasan los años y cómo cambia lo que yo siento,
lo que ayer era amor se va volviendo otro sentimiento.
Porque años atrás, tomar tu mano, robarte un beso,
sin forzar un momento, formaban parte de una verdad.
El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Vamos viviendo viendo las horas que van muriendo,
las mismas discusiones se van perdiendo entre las razones.
A todo dices que sí, a nada digo que no,
para poder construir la tremenda armonía que pone viejos los corazones.
Porque el tiempo pasa, nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer."

Good memories of times when I had no worries and my mind was being stimulated.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

I am:

Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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another one of these...

cute flirt
Cute Flirt

What Kind of FLIRT are you?
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You are 'You Know You're Right'
You Know You're Right

What Nirvana song are you?
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Tuesday, September 16, 2003

I had such a terrible day yesterday, I can't believe I made it through. Talk about a low blow. He told me she's moving in with him and he decided to share this with me while I was at work, in the middle of the day. Great guy... I told him that people get what they have coming to them. They're both cheaters, liars and alcoholics so I guess they deserve each other. While I plan my life ahead, on my own, enjoying my money and time, he'll be stuck with some white trash bitch, two kids that aren't his and the fact that they started a relationship by destroying others peoples lives.

So they will get what they have coming to them for sure.

I cannot even imagine them ever being in a social environment where they have to answer the question on how they met. "Oh yeah, we met while we were both married and we decided to cheat on our spouses". hahahahaha!! Beautiful! Lovely people.
They say what starts wrong end wrong so like my friend says: "leave it to the universe".

I will.

I'm filing for divorce as soon as I have the money and I really cannot wait till this is all over.

Monday, September 15, 2003

Ahhhh!!! Money!!

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Reality TV is invading us! Every channel on the dial is playing a reality TV show, it's too much! I have to admit that I'm guilty of watching a whole bunch of them. How could you not? Us human beings are nosey by nature and it is perfect... you get to watch others' peoples lives, butt into their business and then on top of it laugh about what fools they are. Man! and a million dollars here, two over there, America choosing your husband, family members against each other, you name it...they have it. It's not productive but sure as hell damn entertaining. I don't think it's good for me to be watching all that shit on TV. From now on, I'll try to stick to movies and Oprah or something that doesn't make me want to die.

Anyways, Ispoke to my friend Andres last night, he sounded happy to hear from me and it was very nice to talk to him. I cannot wait til I see all of my friends, hopefully in December.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

I wonder whatever happened to my friend Francine. She and I have some stories to tell hahaha!

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

La ansiedad de vivir tan solo por ti se ha ido contigo.

Monday, September 08, 2003

I can't believe how bored I was this weekend. I really need to fix my car urgently. I watched a few movies, talked on the phone a lot and relaxed.

I'm goin to L.A. on the 26th!!! I'm so excited:) I'll let you know all about it when I get back. I think that some fresh air will do me good (not that L.A has fresh air, but you know what I mean:))

I've been talking to my sister a lot and it is so nice. I miss her a lot and I wish I wasn't so far away, I'm sure we would hang out a lot if I was closer. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm not gonna stay in Seattle for more than a year. I think that when my lease is over I will pick up and go. There really is no point in me staying here any longer than that.
F. and I are no longer together and we sure as hell won't be ever again. Annie has her own life and that is fine, she is hardly ever around and I understand, she and Karl are still together and of course I can't expect her to hang out with me all the time. It would be nice though if we did, because this is the moment when I least want to be alone and I would like to go out and do things, It's so much more fun to do things with someone else. But we are all adults and she has her life and I can't expect her to be there 24/7. But... I need to be around people and here I'm not finding that at all. I'll just stick it out for a year and then figure out what I do. I've been thinking of going back home a lot. I just wish the economy was better cause if that was the case, I wouldn't think about it twice. I have my family there, life is so much nicer, people know me since I was little, I have friends.
I don't want to feel so lonely. I know that it's the beginning and that things will get better but I just don't identify with the people here, at all. I don't want to spend my life in front of a TV and here, if you don't have money to go out and spend, then that is what you end up doing. I used to be a very social person, have a lot a friends, I hated TV and now... the opposite.

I miss my friend Andre, I wish she was here. I have to write about here here. she deserves a whole page!

Thursday, September 04, 2003

I went to an interview with the Art Institute in Seattle and I'll be starting classes in October. I'll be doing Multimedia and Web Design and I'm soooo excited! I cannot wait.