Disservice to Service

I've seen better days
Been the star of many plays
And the bottom drops out
My cup's filled up with five buck wine
Find myself here all the time
Another rip in the glass
Another chip in my tooth
Rained on I've been stained on
Found another goat i tried to put the blame on
(Citizen King)

Estoy de pesimisisiisisimo humor. Un humor como pocos. Como no lo he estado en mucho tiempo. En primer lugar, vamos mal desde el getgo porque mi dia empezo demasiado temprano. Me aliste, Sali a las 7:35 de la casa porque tenia una cita con INS para cambiar mi appellido y para que me den mi greencard temporario ya que el que supestamente me mandaron se perdio en el correo. En fin, un trafico de mierda, pero llego, me digo. Toda va bien hasta ahi cuando de pronto me acuerdo que me olvide las fotos en mi otra cartera. Shit. Ni modo. Vero me dice que alla seguro sacar asi que vuelo. Llego y en la entrada me dicen que tengo que pagar $5 para estacionar. No tenia cash asi que manejo como una loca al primer ATM que encontre en Little Haiti (no tienen muchos parece) y saco plata. Vuelvo y ya estoy encima de la hora. La gente que trabaja ahi no tienen ganas de ayudarte o simplemente responderte donde esta el elevador. Finalmente llego a donde sacan las fotos y ahi me dicen que ninguno de los fotografos estan, que ya deben estar poor llegar. Espero ahi, junto con otra señora y nada, no llegan. Un tipo nos dice que ya pronto llegan, que seguramente estan trancados en trafico. El mismo tipo me dice que no me preocupe poor que ya una hora de “grace period” entre citas. Esepro y espero y espero…. No llego nunca, paso la hora (osea, una hora tarde) y nada. Salgo y voy a la seccion donde hacen la entrevistas para preguntar si me atenderian pasada la hora. Pregunto por si acaso, aunque sabia que no lo iban a hacer porque hay mucha gente. El tipo de ahi, un imbecilllllllll, retrograda que trataba de hablar en ingles pero no podia, le hablo en español para failitarle la vida pero tampoco habla bien el español, me contesta con sus patas que no sabe nada, que espere. Y no era que no hablaba los idiomas, los hablaba mal y si le hablabas en ingles te respondia en castellano, despues le hablabas en castellano y te repsondia en ingles. No aprendio ninguno bien. (Si ya se que no debo ser tan mala, que el pobre tipo debe ser analfabeto pero igual, lo odie) Grrrrrrr!!!! Finalmente, me doy por vencida y me voy. Subo a mi auto, hacia mucho calor. Manejo hacia el downtown y mi telefono no paraba de sonar. Me pregunto, a quien mierda se le ocurre llamar tanto en la manana si saben que estoy en el trabajo. Me meto al primer Denny’s que encuentro y desayuno. A las 11 vengo para el trabajo y aqui estoy, esperando que sean las tres para una reunion que me cancelan ya dos dias. Lo mas probable es que tambien se cancele hoy y sin esa informacion no puedo hacer nada y mi deadline ya llega. Esta noche tengo que salir de aca y manejar poor casi dos horas hasta Boca Raton para ver a Carla. Realmente no se si llego. Lo unico que quiero es dormir.

News

So I haven’t written here in a while and many things have happened. First of all let me just say that starting April 29th of 2005 I regained my single status (is that right?). I went to Seattle, presented myself in court, raised my hand and swore that the marriage was “irreparably broken”. It was an anti-climatic moment, filling out paperwork till the last minute and I happened to be the last one on the list. So there, it’s done. Irreperably broken.

I was in Seattle for four days and I did not see F. at all. It was my choice not to. I found it pointless to see each other. No words on that.

I did get to spend time with Annie, which was very cool. I miss her so much. I was also able to spend a few days in my old room relaxing and resting. That was definitely good.

I came back and jumped back into work and things are starting to settle for me here. I did have a pretty bad day this past Saturday, one of those dramatic it's-the-end-of-the-world days but I think it was my period or something because I feel fine now.

I talked to my parents and that was so great. I miss my family terribly and it really sucks that we are so far apart. I’m just glad that they are all doing fine and I’m grateful that I get to spend time with my sister here, everyday.

So Liza’s show is coming up May 26th! I told her I have not been this excited in forever and I can honestly say that is true. I hope Maribel can come to the show with me. I know for a fact she’ll enjoy it.

Ohhhh, man, talk about crazy news. Delma Lorena is pregnant! I cannot believe it still. I wish her nothing but the best. She said she wanted me to be the baby’s god mother, I was filled with love for her and feel its a great honor to be named godmother. I really love her so much but I’m worried about her going through this all alone in Madrid with no family or friends. Her boyfriend is an ass so I’ll be calling her much more often now just to make sure she doesn’t need anything and that things are going well.

Annie finally found a house! She said its beautiful and she’s really happy. I’m happy for her. It sucks that we have to be so far away, but such is life.

So those are the news in a nut shell. I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of stuff but I have to get back to work now.

Dreams of you being crazy, and me, always following you around. Sensing the chaos, knowing it all around. (It’s almost like if you say jump and I say how high). Phrases we made up go round and round in my head, feeling that the promises made went up to the space where nobody will bother to find them. Tonight I wonder if the space in your back I declared as mine is being touched and if your slumber is disturbed. Sacred nights uncovered, wasted voices, unheard. I dream of you and fragments of the known softness invade me. I believe that I’ll stay awake now.

Arrival

Te acercaste a mi. No te escuche pero se pronuncio tu olor. Ese olor tan familiar que es mezcla de un dia de verano en el bosque y las calles mojadas cuando deja de llover. Te acercaste a mi y supe que era el final de tu ausencia. En ese instante, aun sin mirarte a la cara, supe que aqui estabas para quedarte.

Whales, cops and maids

When I was 4 years old I had a dream that even until this day, remains in my memory so clear that I don’t think anyone I know has not heard about it. I was in my back yard at my house in La Avenida America where I grew up and I notice there is a four leaf clover right in front of me. I kneel to pick it up and all of a sudden the clover turns into a big gray whale. The whale was enormous, with big round eyes and a flat tail. The whale then opened its mouth and out came two cops holding their beating sticks. The cops then go ahead and arrest Maria, our maid while she kicks and screams. Then all of a sudden, Don Ramon (from El Chavo del 8, a Mexican signature show that every Latin-American kid knows, I’m sure) appears out of nowhere and very heroically, rescues Maria. It’s not clear how he rescues her but for some reason he got really sick afterwards and and had to be taken to the hospital.

Years later, there were cops in my backyard, harassing our maids. And Don Ramon got really sick and had to be taken to the hospital, where he died. I wonder what it means and if it means anything at all. I’m not one to obsess about dreams but it’s so weird, especially the part with the cops and the maid. I just wish I had something to say about the whale. Then again, I might.. but I won’t go there.

Commute

So yes, traffic is pretty bad. I had been forewarned many a times by Annie but to be quite honest, so far, I have enjoyed my drive to and from work. I get to listen to music, look at people and mostly, see the ocean everyday. I drive from Miami Lakes to Miami Beach every day using the Palemtto, then I-95 and towards the end of my drive, I go through I-195 towards Alton Road and the view is spectacular. No wonder so many people live in Miami and so many people form other countries want to move here. It really is spectacular. I’m getting together with Zenia this weekend and I think that we are going out to a few clubs. I’ll tell you how it goes.

She's So Lucky

Aca estoy en mi primer dia de trabajo en la compañia de software en Miami Beach ( no puedo darles el nombre por razones obvias). Me desperte bastante temprano, me duche tranquila, me maquille, me vesti y sali con bastante tiempo porque hoy fue mi primer dia lidiando con el trafico de Miami. Llegue con suficiente tiempo y ahora estoy aca sentada en mi oficina, con vista al mar (!) y preguntandome como me ira en este nuevo capitulo de mi vida y preguntandome como siempre, como carajo llegue hasta aca. Desde que he llegado he estado tan feliz, todos los dias me despierto con animos y energia, estoy disfrutando del sol, de la musica, de mi familia y mis amigos. Miami me encanta! Ahora tengo un trabajo que paga muy bien, que queda en un lugar soñado, con vista al mar y hoy mas que nunca, me siento muy afortunada.

Hoy hacen tres años que fallecio mi Tatita y se que en este momento, sea donde sea que este, esta mirandome sonriendo porque todo esta bien.

Miami

I have not had a chance to update in a while but i just wanted to let you all know that I'm already in Miami and happy as can be. I've bben here for almost tweo weeks and got a job 5 days after I moved here. I start work April 11th in Miami Beach. I'll write more later becuase I'm leaving right now. Laters.

20 days

Well, It has been a while since I write here so I will start by saying that I am on the final countdown for my move. If anyone has been reading this little blog may know by now (and is probably sick and tired of my indecision) that I finally made up my mind and off I go. I have 20 more days in Seattle and I think I’m starting to get nervous and anxious and all those things but I think that I’m in pretty good shape organizationally. I’m very happy that none of my boxes got lost (yet…let me not jinx it because I still have four to go!) and that I have been able to get most of my bills paid in order to make a clear exit. Things at the house are not exactly peachy. Annie has an attitude and is not interested in spending any time with me, even though I have asked her to. It’s all good, I can understand her but I still think it’s very childish. By now, I’m just hoping for time to go by fast so that I don’t have to be in my room anymore. The house just got really small on me and there is nowhere else to hang out other than my room.

I found out yesterday that my friend Chris’s girlfriend, Karina has a brain tumor. I am so sad with the news, I hope that they can treat her and that she’ll get better soon.

I have been talking to some of my friends in Miami and they all seem very psyched that I’m going. I’ve already had someone offer me the lower level of their townhouse, had a job offer possibility at an architectural firm in Miami Beach, have a car waiting for me and a play I need to attend, a party someone is throwing for me… bright days ahead.

Oh, The Irony

In the past few days I've been packing, paying my bills and getting together for the move. It has been hard beucase Annie is really sad about it and it is very difficult for me to leave her here. She is my best friend and we have shared so much, take care of each other and spend a lot of time together. However, it was an idea that has been rounding my thoughts for a very long time and I finally decided to take the plunge so I will just have to deal with it and sacrifice. The friendship we have will always be as important to me as it has been in the past and as it is today, only we will be living in different states. I will miss her so much!

Here comes the irony part. One of the reasons I made this decision is to get away from Fran and start a new life since our divorce is going to be final soon. Well, today I got a call from him saying that he will be moving back to Miami the 11th of March, a day before I have planned leaving. We both laughed about it becuase it's just crazy. Then agian, it has always been crazy when it comes to us and our fate.

Miami, Decisions and Divorce (Like Sex, Lies and Videotapes, only not)

My trip to Miami was great. I had a really good time with my sister (not enough!!) and I enjoyed the kids, specially Camila, she is too cute for words. We had fun celebrating my brother-in-law’s birthday and I got to spend some time with my aunt Silvia, I even ran into a childhood friend at the party! Unbelievable. Every bone in my body tells me I need to go back, that I have people that love me there and that there really is no good reason why I’m still here. I created a list yesterday listing the pros and cons about moving and by far, the pros side was fuller.

I know I’ve been talking about this way too much and I need to go ahead and take the plunge. Decisions are a bitch but need to be made. This time around, I’ve made up my mind and I’m moving. I really can’t wait!

Oh, and on January 24th I filed for Divorce. It will be final April 29th so there, it’s done, as simple as a signature and 120 dollars. I feel fine about it and I know it’s for the best. Wish me luck in my new adventures and I’ll be keeping you posted on what goes on in my life. Hopefully, things will pick up and be less booooring. Heh.

T Minus 4 hours

I can't wait!! I'm leaving work right now to attend a meeting and once that is over, I'll be oficially on vacation. I leave tonight and tomorrow, i'll be enjoying the sun and hanging out Miami-stlye, en chancletas.
See ya!

First post for 2005

Hace mucho que no posteo y la verdad que han pasado un monton de cosas uiltimamente. Voy a enumerarlas, que conste que no por orden de importancia.

• Mañana me voy de vacaiones a Miami. Estoy que no veo las horas de estar alla, ver amis sobrinos, estar con mi hermana, ver el sol despues de meses y pasar unos dias lejos del trabajo y de todo lo demas que anda pasando. Me acabo de dar cuenta que el año pasado viaje bastante: a Miami en Enero, a Los Angeles en Febrero, a Miami nuevamente pasando a Bolivia en Septiembre, a New York en Diciembre. Espero que este año que viene pueda viajar mucho mas.
• A J. lo volvieron a internar. Esta vez, depues de un intento de suicidio en un hotel. Yo no se que anda pasando en su mente, pero obviamente no esta bien. Es muy tirste y muy jodido todo.
• Estoy resfriada.
• Estoy a dieta.
• Fui a Leavensworth para Año Nuevo y realmente puedo decir que el lugar es increible. Es un pueblito bavario en medio de las montañas.
• Me corte el pelo yo solita.

Divorce Papers

Get back up on your feet
Get yourself down to the street
Can you feel it coming together
Better late than never
(Michael James Reich)

One of my resolutions for the year 2004 was to get my divorce. Today, December 31st, 2004, the last day of the year, we got together and signed them and they are ready to go. I guess better late than never...

Stepping off the porch
her heart now lighter
she comprehends
that home is where it has always been
Within.

Lo que forma mis dias
Son los pensamientos desordenados,
Las ideas con flojera,
Los fracasos a medio vivir
En esos bosques, no me importa perderme

10 things to 10 people in my life

1. You would say that you and I had been together in many past lives and that we had found each other again in this one. It’s too bad that it was short-lived. I would’ve loved to spend the rest of my life next to you, but it’s better this way. No matter what happens, know that I’ll always love you and you can count on me.
2. I wish you wouldn’t be so judgmental and such a poser. It’s almost unbearable to be around you and your messy thoughts.
3. I love you so much, you are a big part of my life. I hope nothing but the best for you and I hope that one day you realize that you don’t need to settle for anything just for the sake of not being alone. I will miss you!
4. You must stop doing what you’re doing. It’s not healthy. I hope that you wake up one day and realize that people will only be able to help you when you are open for it.
5. You are the most interesting person I’ve met since I’ve been in Seattle. You are so talented, smart, empathetic and funny, among many other things. I miss hanging out with you and I hope that when I’m gone, you and I stay in touch. The day that you find what you are looking for, it will be winning lottery for her. I wish nothing but the best for you.
6. You are a low life. I have no words for you. I hope that you can’t sleep some nights thinking about you did.
7. I miss you! I think about you often and I look forward to the day when I see you again. I wish you hadn’t been so quick to label things the last times we saw each other, I was just having fun and learning about life. I hope that things in your life are going well and that you found what you were looking for. I will always think of you and smile.
8. Yes. It is so true. We were never friends. Good riddance.
9. Thanks for all the good advise and for knowing what I meant just from looking at me. Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. If you were 20 years younger, I would so pursue you.
10. Thank you so much for being there for me, at the precise moment I needed you. I will never forget you, the fact that you listened to me and that you let me borrow your shoes.

New York

Wednesday: We arrived at 10:30 am and took the bus to Queens. We said hit o A. uncle, dropped off our bags and headed to the subway station. We stopped for a slice of pizza and headed downtown. J. was so tired that we had to stop and go watch a movie so that he could rest for a bit. We then walked around the Village for a few hours, shopping a little and taking it all in. We then walked to meet up with J.’s friends for dinner. We meet Travis, Fernando and Emily. We then walked for many, many blocks, through Soho, Little Italy and Chinatown until we found the place that Emily recommended for dumplings. We had dinner and then took the subway to Rockefeller Center. The place was amazing! The Christmas decorations and the people ice-skating were out of a movie. We took pictures and then headed to Park Avenue, we walked and walked and walked some more. We crossed the street into Central Park and then, dead tired, took the subway back to Queens.

Thursday: We woke up late and lazied around for a while. It was raining and we were very tired from all the walking we had done the day before so we decided to kind of take it easy that day. We headed to the shops in Queens were I separeated from them to go buy myself a pair or tennis shoes. On my way back to the house, I stopped and got a pedicure! I met Monica that night, very strange and surreal.
Friday: We woke up late again and decided that we were going to go see the art galleries in Chelsea. We took the subway downtown and started walking in the direction we thought was right. Wrong!! We had to take a cab there because it was late and raining. We went into an art exhibition that was showing art from the late 70s-early 80’s. Pretty amazing stuff. I got in an argument with J. because he can be fucking rude sometimes so I decided to skip dinner and the party that we were supposed to go to. Instead, I took a cab to Times Square. Wow! I got there and I couldn’t believe it! I was bummed that I didn’t have my camera with me but I walked around taking it all in. I went to dinner by myself, where I met a really cute waiter. After that, I walked around, looked at the shops and finally found the subway.

Saturday and Sunday: We woke up late, one again…We packed because we were leaving at 4:30 in the morning on Sunday. It was a pretty stressful morning because we couldn’t find any of our stuff, but we finally got it together. W took Lauren with us downtown. We got off in the World Trade Center stop. I had never seen the Twin Towers, so it was hard for me to grasp the concept of how huge they were, but given the hole in the ground, they must’ve been enormous. It was sad for me to be there and imagine of the people that lost their lives there.
After that, we went into a store that was packed and everyone got annoyed so we then took the subway to Macy’s. We met up with Fernando, Travis, Chii and Elizabeth, A.’s other niece. We went into a few stores and then took the subway to Little Italy. We had a really nice dinner and then headed to Times Square. Annie and I got into a little argument but we talked it through. We went into Virgin Records, where I bought the last U2 CD. Yay! We hen took pictures and walked to find the David Letterman Show. We took some more pictures, lie the idiots that we are. We had a cup of coffee and by then it was almost 3 in the morning so we said goodbye to J.’s friends and headed back to Queens so that the girls could sleep and we could pick up our luggage and head to the airport. We got to the airport feeling so damn tired, but happy that we had stayed up and enjoyed the city until the last minute. We caught out plane into Detroit where we were received by a snowstorm. We then headed to Seattle, the northern route, through Canada because of the weather. I passed out immediately and then woke up to the most amazing view of snowed mountains and frozen rivers. We finally made it to Seattle at around noon and home. Ahhhhh, home sweet home.

Friday

I just got home from work and running and errand. I walked in, got into my favorite pajamas, my Christmasy pajamas. Now I'm gonna work on this page to see if I can make it look better. I decided to go back to a regular blogger template because, since I'm not very familiar with html yet, all of my attempts looked good for a few days and then I would have broken links, or my pictures would disappear. I think I'll just keep it simple this time around but I definitely want to change the colors and the fonts.
A while ago, I had decided that I would write on this page at least once a day and I haven't been doing that. I want to start doing that from now on and see what happens. I think I'll go cut my hair now.

Start spreading the news

... I'm leaving on Wednesday to New York!!! I'm so freaking excited, I cannot even begin to tell you. Joel, Annie and I are going on a 5 day extravaganza to check out the big city. I have so many things I want to go see and I have a feeling I won't want to come back. So... if you don't hear back from me, you know where to find me. Not that anyone reads this hehehe.