By Liza

May I confide, that your vibe propels me to imply
that I reside at your bedside, & take you on a joyride?
By ride, I mean explore
Metaphors that are soft or hardcore.
For a moment let me adore
Let me pour my love onto you like the seashore,
Mi amour.
Like a good groove let me move into you
Select parts of you like a gourmet menu,
Let me read to you Love by definition is this…

Love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Girl, let me uplift , with a kiss
Close your eyes and feel softness,
Let’s be mutually speechless ,
Loud whispers filled with love innuendos,
Sensual word play as I display the vulnerabilities of a child
in a woman with a spirit so wild.
My pen tells my brain,
I must refrain from falling in love with you.
So I write,I write in spite of the controversy
I conjure metaphors about the sea, and how it’s deep like your eyes
In a muse there are no goodbyes,
So I’ll dream about your eyes
In a muse there are no goodbyes,
So I‘ll dream about your eyes…
I’ll awaken at your bedside,
With nothing more to hide.

(Liza Nepa)

I got an apartment!!! Yay!! Oh, and I’m so excited because it is two blocks away from work in Coral Gables. That means more sleep, less stress, less expense in gas and my car will definitely appreciate the break. I move in November 15th and I am counting the days!!!
Life has been pretty hectic lately, all with Hurricane Wilma hitting south Florida and no power and crazy traffic. I think things are going back to normal slowly but surely. Isabel gets here Nov. 17th and I’m so excited. We will be roommates and I think that it’ll be a blast.

On other things going on in my life... ay dios mio...no idea what I'll do about that.

No es un mandamiento ser la diva del momento (wow)
Para que trabajar por un cuerpo escultural
Acaso deseas sentir en ti todos los ojos
Y desencadenar silbidos al pasar...
Mira la escencia no las apariencias
El cuerpo es solo un estuche y los ojos la ventana
De nuestra alma aprisionada (oye)
Mira la escencia no las apariencias
Que todo entra por los ojos dicen lo superficiales
Lo que hay adentro es lo que vale
Siento en el aire un aroma espiritual
mensajeros haladosIntentando aterrizar
Si abres el estuche lo que debes encontrar
Es una joya que te deslumbrara (hay pero)
Mira la escencia no las apariencias
90-60-90 suman dosientos cuarenta
Cifras que no hay que tener en cuenta (oye)
Mira la escencia no las apariencias
No te dejes medir no te dejes confundir
Alusate… haste valer
(El Estuche- Aterciopelados)

En Mi

En Mi

Soy mis hijos
Soy madre y padre
Soy un canto lejano
Y una plegaria a el deseo

En mi sucumben
Aca residen
Conviven en mi

Soy mi padre
Soy mi madre
Soy un grito callado
Tambien soy un poco ti

En mi aman y viven
Lloran aqui

Ven y descansa
En mi
Que tambien soy un poco de ti

Lately

Que me anda pasando ultimamente, no lo se exactamente. Ni he aparecido por aca para contar que fui a Virginia para mi cumpleaños y que la pase increíble. Estuve con varios amigos que no veia hce mucho tiempo y fue bueno celebrar mi cumple como se debe. Me hizo recuerdo a mis tiempos en Bolivia.
En otras noticias, mande al carajo a mi ex marido y esta vez va en serio. No nos volvemos a hablar, me siento liberada.
He estado saliendo bastante con mi amiga Karla y la verdad que la pasamos super bien. Es como decimos, parece que el tiempo no haya pasado para nada. Hubo un reencuentro con un ex amor y lamentablemente no se que voy a hacer, solo un milagro me haría feliz con respecto a esa situación. Este a sido el mes del reproche.

There has been some flirting going on…I wonder if and where that may lead?

In case you were wondering

In case you were wondering...

22 Things About Me


1. I am a 29 year old girl who is still very afraid of the dark.

2. I live in Miami now, but grew up in Argentina and Bolivia. I like to move a lot. Something
about staying still bores me.

3. I’m left handed and because of that was considered to be cursed. My grandmother would
tear up every time she was reminded of it. She was determined to teach me to do things
“properly”. Karma is a bitch and gave her 5 left-handed grandchildren.

4. I like to drive for hours, better if it’s all by myself listening to music really loudly, smoking
cigarette after cigarette after cigarette.

5. I have driven across the country in a pot stupor. I had to pull over a few times because the
road was zooming in and out somewhere in the middle of the North Dakota. Somewhere
along the way, I actually saw buffalo running in the free world. Heh…then I saw some of0
them going in the hot springs all casually like if they were at the local spa.

6. I am accident prone and the biggest klutz. I will break something of yours for sure. Do not
invite me over your house because I will fall, kill your cat or break your microwave.
Seriously.

7. I crashed my first car and blew up my second car all in 3 months. The second time was after
a busy night of running through a field with machetes and drinking moonshine under the
bed, while hiding from the cops. The night had to end with a BANG, I guess.

8. I once had a laughing attack in church and was asked to leave.

9. I have good memory. I can still remember what I wore for my first day of school and what
Ms. Baker was wearing when she told me I needed to be nice and let the kid that peed (all
the time) into “my” tree house. The nerve.

10. I have been in love once before and got my heart broken. I’m ready to fall in love again.

11. I don’t know what I would do without books or music. I need them around me at all times.

12. I was once taken by a cute hippie to a cave on a nudist beach to got some good lovin’.

13. I have kissed a girl before.

14. I grew up in a house with 7 maids and chauffers but was still taught well by my mom to
pick up after myself and that I need to work to get what I want.

15. There is a book written about my family. I gotta say, I did not grow up the conventional way. Crazy shit.

16. I hate it if you touch my hair. I will secretly despise you for a few minutes.

17. I love my friends and admire them.

18. I honeymooned in the jungle and woke up to monkeys staring at my naked ass.

19. I have 2 brothers and two sisters and they are the bomb diggidy. My parents are too cool
for words.

20. I punched my brother in the face one time because he was making me laugh too much. I
know…I normally don’t hit people but these were weird circumstances.

21. I once partied for 4 days straight after New Years. I came home and had lost 10 pounds in
those 4 days. Fun times.

22. I dropped my 3 month-old nephew on his head one time. Don’t look at me like that…It was
his mom's fault!

Adios

Live well, stay safe
I know goodbyes are hard to say
but it is harder to stay
lay lover lay, like the song that played
it will all be OK one day

Broken

You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your heart’s not open
(Madonna)


Salir de la habitación sabiendo que lo roto no es el vaso de cerveza que me tiraste en la cara.
Salir sabiendo que lo roto sos vos.

In a Funk

When we cannot be delivered from ourselves,
we delight in devouring ourselves.
(Cioran)


Me carcome la clara noción de que lo que mas me gusta hacer en la vida, lo hago mal. Escribir.

El día laboral es demasiado largo, son muchas horas para tan poco trabajo. No da!

Esto de estar trabada en trafico durante tanto tiempo le esta quitando el gusto a manejar. Eso si que esta terrible.

Veo mi casa como algo muy lejano. No entiendo como le voy a hacer para poder pagar todo yo sola. Ese no era el plan.

Ver cada vez mas lejos la posibilidad de tener hijos.

El trago amargo que a veces puede ser la soledad.

Ludicrous

No se exactamente qué ni cómo paso pero se que a mi ex marido algo le anda fallando. El fin de semana pasado hablamos por teléfono y entre que colgamos y media hora después, se había armado un drama en grande. Según él, su mejor amigo esta enamorado de mi y se quiere venir a vivir conmigo. Le armó tremendo relajo, me dejo mensajes desesperados, diciendo que lo llame inmediatamente y que el amigo le había contado “todo”. No se exactamente que puede ser “todo” si entre nosotros no pasa nada! Cuando revise mi correo había una carta de él diciendo que no podía creerlo, que como le pudimos hacer eso y bla, bla… Yo estaba bastante confundida porque nada que ver así que lo llame para saber bien que era lo que estaba pasando y cual era el problema. Me recontra colgó el teléfono. El amigo me jura que jamas le dijo eso… Esta todo muy confuso porque no se de donde se esta inventando tremenda incoherencia y hasta he pensado que realmente lago le anda fallando. Yo le conteste una carta diciéndole un par de cosillas, recordándole que para tener un “affair” hay que estar casado y ese no es el caso, ya que se le olvida que nos divorciamos. Pero mas que nada, que nada esta pasando! Cómo puede haber un malentendido tan grande y tan ridículo? En fin, se que esto no es el final de esta historia así que ya les contare, una vez que me entere, que es lo que paso realmente...

Disservice to Service

I've seen better days
Been the star of many plays
And the bottom drops out
My cup's filled up with five buck wine
Find myself here all the time
Another rip in the glass
Another chip in my tooth
Rained on I've been stained on
Found another goat i tried to put the blame on
(Citizen King)

Estoy de pesimisisiisisimo humor. Un humor como pocos. Como no lo he estado en mucho tiempo. En primer lugar, vamos mal desde el getgo porque mi dia empezo demasiado temprano. Me aliste, Sali a las 7:35 de la casa porque tenia una cita con INS para cambiar mi appellido y para que me den mi greencard temporario ya que el que supestamente me mandaron se perdio en el correo. En fin, un trafico de mierda, pero llego, me digo. Toda va bien hasta ahi cuando de pronto me acuerdo que me olvide las fotos en mi otra cartera. Shit. Ni modo. Vero me dice que alla seguro sacar asi que vuelo. Llego y en la entrada me dicen que tengo que pagar $5 para estacionar. No tenia cash asi que manejo como una loca al primer ATM que encontre en Little Haiti (no tienen muchos parece) y saco plata. Vuelvo y ya estoy encima de la hora. La gente que trabaja ahi no tienen ganas de ayudarte o simplemente responderte donde esta el elevador. Finalmente llego a donde sacan las fotos y ahi me dicen que ninguno de los fotografos estan, que ya deben estar poor llegar. Espero ahi, junto con otra señora y nada, no llegan. Un tipo nos dice que ya pronto llegan, que seguramente estan trancados en trafico. El mismo tipo me dice que no me preocupe poor que ya una hora de “grace period” entre citas. Esepro y espero y espero…. No llego nunca, paso la hora (osea, una hora tarde) y nada. Salgo y voy a la seccion donde hacen la entrevistas para preguntar si me atenderian pasada la hora. Pregunto por si acaso, aunque sabia que no lo iban a hacer porque hay mucha gente. El tipo de ahi, un imbecilllllllll, retrograda que trataba de hablar en ingles pero no podia, le hablo en español para failitarle la vida pero tampoco habla bien el español, me contesta con sus patas que no sabe nada, que espere. Y no era que no hablaba los idiomas, los hablaba mal y si le hablabas en ingles te respondia en castellano, despues le hablabas en castellano y te repsondia en ingles. No aprendio ninguno bien. (Si ya se que no debo ser tan mala, que el pobre tipo debe ser analfabeto pero igual, lo odie) Grrrrrrr!!!! Finalmente, me doy por vencida y me voy. Subo a mi auto, hacia mucho calor. Manejo hacia el downtown y mi telefono no paraba de sonar. Me pregunto, a quien mierda se le ocurre llamar tanto en la manana si saben que estoy en el trabajo. Me meto al primer Denny’s que encuentro y desayuno. A las 11 vengo para el trabajo y aqui estoy, esperando que sean las tres para una reunion que me cancelan ya dos dias. Lo mas probable es que tambien se cancele hoy y sin esa informacion no puedo hacer nada y mi deadline ya llega. Esta noche tengo que salir de aca y manejar poor casi dos horas hasta Boca Raton para ver a Carla. Realmente no se si llego. Lo unico que quiero es dormir.

News

So I haven’t written here in a while and many things have happened. First of all let me just say that starting April 29th of 2005 I regained my single status (is that right?). I went to Seattle, presented myself in court, raised my hand and swore that the marriage was “irreparably broken”. It was an anti-climatic moment, filling out paperwork till the last minute and I happened to be the last one on the list. So there, it’s done. Irreperably broken.

I was in Seattle for four days and I did not see F. at all. It was my choice not to. I found it pointless to see each other. No words on that.

I did get to spend time with Annie, which was very cool. I miss her so much. I was also able to spend a few days in my old room relaxing and resting. That was definitely good.

I came back and jumped back into work and things are starting to settle for me here. I did have a pretty bad day this past Saturday, one of those dramatic it's-the-end-of-the-world days but I think it was my period or something because I feel fine now.

I talked to my parents and that was so great. I miss my family terribly and it really sucks that we are so far apart. I’m just glad that they are all doing fine and I’m grateful that I get to spend time with my sister here, everyday.

So Liza’s show is coming up May 26th! I told her I have not been this excited in forever and I can honestly say that is true. I hope Maribel can come to the show with me. I know for a fact she’ll enjoy it.

Ohhhh, man, talk about crazy news. Delma Lorena is pregnant! I cannot believe it still. I wish her nothing but the best. She said she wanted me to be the baby’s god mother, I was filled with love for her and feel its a great honor to be named godmother. I really love her so much but I’m worried about her going through this all alone in Madrid with no family or friends. Her boyfriend is an ass so I’ll be calling her much more often now just to make sure she doesn’t need anything and that things are going well.

Annie finally found a house! She said its beautiful and she’s really happy. I’m happy for her. It sucks that we have to be so far away, but such is life.

So those are the news in a nut shell. I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of stuff but I have to get back to work now.

Dreams of you being crazy, and me, always following you around. Sensing the chaos, knowing it all around. (It’s almost like if you say jump and I say how high). Phrases we made up go round and round in my head, feeling that the promises made went up to the space where nobody will bother to find them. Tonight I wonder if the space in your back I declared as mine is being touched and if your slumber is disturbed. Sacred nights uncovered, wasted voices, unheard. I dream of you and fragments of the known softness invade me. I believe that I’ll stay awake now.

Arrival

Te acercaste a mi. No te escuche pero se pronuncio tu olor. Ese olor tan familiar que es mezcla de un dia de verano en el bosque y las calles mojadas cuando deja de llover. Te acercaste a mi y supe que era el final de tu ausencia. En ese instante, aun sin mirarte a la cara, supe que aqui estabas para quedarte.

Whales, cops and maids

When I was 4 years old I had a dream that even until this day, remains in my memory so clear that I don’t think anyone I know has not heard about it. I was in my back yard at my house in La Avenida America where I grew up and I notice there is a four leaf clover right in front of me. I kneel to pick it up and all of a sudden the clover turns into a big gray whale. The whale was enormous, with big round eyes and a flat tail. The whale then opened its mouth and out came two cops holding their beating sticks. The cops then go ahead and arrest Maria, our maid while she kicks and screams. Then all of a sudden, Don Ramon (from El Chavo del 8, a Mexican signature show that every Latin-American kid knows, I’m sure) appears out of nowhere and very heroically, rescues Maria. It’s not clear how he rescues her but for some reason he got really sick afterwards and and had to be taken to the hospital.

Years later, there were cops in my backyard, harassing our maids. And Don Ramon got really sick and had to be taken to the hospital, where he died. I wonder what it means and if it means anything at all. I’m not one to obsess about dreams but it’s so weird, especially the part with the cops and the maid. I just wish I had something to say about the whale. Then again, I might.. but I won’t go there.

Commute

So yes, traffic is pretty bad. I had been forewarned many a times by Annie but to be quite honest, so far, I have enjoyed my drive to and from work. I get to listen to music, look at people and mostly, see the ocean everyday. I drive from Miami Lakes to Miami Beach every day using the Palemtto, then I-95 and towards the end of my drive, I go through I-195 towards Alton Road and the view is spectacular. No wonder so many people live in Miami and so many people form other countries want to move here. It really is spectacular. I’m getting together with Zenia this weekend and I think that we are going out to a few clubs. I’ll tell you how it goes.

She's So Lucky

Aca estoy en mi primer dia de trabajo en la compañia de software en Miami Beach ( no puedo darles el nombre por razones obvias). Me desperte bastante temprano, me duche tranquila, me maquille, me vesti y sali con bastante tiempo porque hoy fue mi primer dia lidiando con el trafico de Miami. Llegue con suficiente tiempo y ahora estoy aca sentada en mi oficina, con vista al mar (!) y preguntandome como me ira en este nuevo capitulo de mi vida y preguntandome como siempre, como carajo llegue hasta aca. Desde que he llegado he estado tan feliz, todos los dias me despierto con animos y energia, estoy disfrutando del sol, de la musica, de mi familia y mis amigos. Miami me encanta! Ahora tengo un trabajo que paga muy bien, que queda en un lugar soñado, con vista al mar y hoy mas que nunca, me siento muy afortunada.

Hoy hacen tres años que fallecio mi Tatita y se que en este momento, sea donde sea que este, esta mirandome sonriendo porque todo esta bien.

Miami

I have not had a chance to update in a while but i just wanted to let you all know that I'm already in Miami and happy as can be. I've bben here for almost tweo weeks and got a job 5 days after I moved here. I start work April 11th in Miami Beach. I'll write more later becuase I'm leaving right now. Laters.

20 days

Well, It has been a while since I write here so I will start by saying that I am on the final countdown for my move. If anyone has been reading this little blog may know by now (and is probably sick and tired of my indecision) that I finally made up my mind and off I go. I have 20 more days in Seattle and I think I’m starting to get nervous and anxious and all those things but I think that I’m in pretty good shape organizationally. I’m very happy that none of my boxes got lost (yet…let me not jinx it because I still have four to go!) and that I have been able to get most of my bills paid in order to make a clear exit. Things at the house are not exactly peachy. Annie has an attitude and is not interested in spending any time with me, even though I have asked her to. It’s all good, I can understand her but I still think it’s very childish. By now, I’m just hoping for time to go by fast so that I don’t have to be in my room anymore. The house just got really small on me and there is nowhere else to hang out other than my room.

I found out yesterday that my friend Chris’s girlfriend, Karina has a brain tumor. I am so sad with the news, I hope that they can treat her and that she’ll get better soon.

I have been talking to some of my friends in Miami and they all seem very psyched that I’m going. I’ve already had someone offer me the lower level of their townhouse, had a job offer possibility at an architectural firm in Miami Beach, have a car waiting for me and a play I need to attend, a party someone is throwing for me… bright days ahead.

Oh, The Irony

In the past few days I've been packing, paying my bills and getting together for the move. It has been hard beucase Annie is really sad about it and it is very difficult for me to leave her here. She is my best friend and we have shared so much, take care of each other and spend a lot of time together. However, it was an idea that has been rounding my thoughts for a very long time and I finally decided to take the plunge so I will just have to deal with it and sacrifice. The friendship we have will always be as important to me as it has been in the past and as it is today, only we will be living in different states. I will miss her so much!

Here comes the irony part. One of the reasons I made this decision is to get away from Fran and start a new life since our divorce is going to be final soon. Well, today I got a call from him saying that he will be moving back to Miami the 11th of March, a day before I have planned leaving. We both laughed about it becuase it's just crazy. Then agian, it has always been crazy when it comes to us and our fate.

Miami, Decisions and Divorce (Like Sex, Lies and Videotapes, only not)

My trip to Miami was great. I had a really good time with my sister (not enough!!) and I enjoyed the kids, specially Camila, she is too cute for words. We had fun celebrating my brother-in-law’s birthday and I got to spend some time with my aunt Silvia, I even ran into a childhood friend at the party! Unbelievable. Every bone in my body tells me I need to go back, that I have people that love me there and that there really is no good reason why I’m still here. I created a list yesterday listing the pros and cons about moving and by far, the pros side was fuller.

I know I’ve been talking about this way too much and I need to go ahead and take the plunge. Decisions are a bitch but need to be made. This time around, I’ve made up my mind and I’m moving. I really can’t wait!

Oh, and on January 24th I filed for Divorce. It will be final April 29th so there, it’s done, as simple as a signature and 120 dollars. I feel fine about it and I know it’s for the best. Wish me luck in my new adventures and I’ll be keeping you posted on what goes on in my life. Hopefully, things will pick up and be less booooring. Heh.

T Minus 4 hours

I can't wait!! I'm leaving work right now to attend a meeting and once that is over, I'll be oficially on vacation. I leave tonight and tomorrow, i'll be enjoying the sun and hanging out Miami-stlye, en chancletas.
See ya!

First post for 2005

Hace mucho que no posteo y la verdad que han pasado un monton de cosas uiltimamente. Voy a enumerarlas, que conste que no por orden de importancia.

• Mañana me voy de vacaiones a Miami. Estoy que no veo las horas de estar alla, ver amis sobrinos, estar con mi hermana, ver el sol despues de meses y pasar unos dias lejos del trabajo y de todo lo demas que anda pasando. Me acabo de dar cuenta que el año pasado viaje bastante: a Miami en Enero, a Los Angeles en Febrero, a Miami nuevamente pasando a Bolivia en Septiembre, a New York en Diciembre. Espero que este año que viene pueda viajar mucho mas.
• A J. lo volvieron a internar. Esta vez, depues de un intento de suicidio en un hotel. Yo no se que anda pasando en su mente, pero obviamente no esta bien. Es muy tirste y muy jodido todo.
• Estoy resfriada.
• Estoy a dieta.
• Fui a Leavensworth para Año Nuevo y realmente puedo decir que el lugar es increible. Es un pueblito bavario en medio de las montañas.
• Me corte el pelo yo solita.