He called me again yesterday. He told me he was sorry about everything he had done, that it had been a mistake, that he loves me and that he'll do anything to be with me.
We had a really long conversation and I told him that that will never happen. He asked me for one last opportunity and I said no. Not becuase I don't love him, but becuase he betrayed me.
He told me that he's very unhappy and that him and I are a part of each other. That is true, he's a big part of me, of my history, the one and only person I have truly loved, but... how do you forgive and forget? I've always wondered how people do it. How is it that my mom and my sister forgave? I'm not judging here, I just wish I knew how they did it and how do you trust again.
I had a very hard time telling him those things, becuase I know that he now realizes that it was a mistake, that what starts wrong ends wrong. I told him he had cheated and lied to me and that I had given him a million opportunities to step up and be a man about it, to be there for me when I most needed him, to love me the way I loved him and when the time came, he made a choice and that choice wasn't me, it was her. He moved her into my house, into my bed, with my pets, sat in my table with her, I can't forgive that. Maybe in a few years, when I'm not this hurt I might forgive him and we'll be friends, but as much as it hurts to say, and like I told him yesterday.. he realized this a bit too late.
On other news...
I went to see Ron yesterday. He has a beautiful office in downtown Seattle with a confortable couch and he seems really nice. I talked and talked and talked... he listened:)