Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I remember when I met him how uneasy he made me feel, how he undressed me with his eyes... I should've known then that this would not be an easy ride, and it hasn't been. Years of waiting, hoping, breaking each others hearts, wrong timing, inmaturity, passion, love, the fantasy of what if... I've never loved anyone like I've loved him. He doesn't feel the same way though. For him, it has been a different type of love, one that he can live without. I feel so used, I've let myself be used. I used to be so proud, now I have no backbone. I just read a letter that said that his behavior is due to what he is lacking at home... I tried to give him everything! Maybe that has been my mistake. He takes me for granted and it's all my fault. What happened to my backbone? It's gone when it comes to him and this problem. Of course he acts the way he acts! I let him get away with everything. They say in life you should not have any regrets... well I do. I regret the fact that I was too available, said sorry one too many times when it wasn't necessary. Now I'm really sorry.
I don't want to be with out him though...

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