Out of life's school of war:
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche, The Twilight of the Idols (1899)
When I was 21 years old I was going to school in Bolivia. I had chosen my career very carefully and I was happy about my selection. I was doing good, my grades were actually excellent. I was very lucky to have the classmates I had, we built a strong bond that still ties us today even though most of us are spread in different parts of the world. I had a carefree effortless life, until that Saturday came. I had let my brother J. use my car and he had dropped me off at the University (I had a film class on Saturdays). When I came out to wait for him I was very surprised he wasn’t there so immediately I got worried and called home. My sister picked up the phone and gave me the news. My blood went cold, my head started spinning, the noise in the street all of a sudden disappeared and in replacement all I could hear was my little sister’s scared, grave, adult-like voice giving me the news we had feared for 10 years. I hung up and started walking. I knew where my mom was and I knew I had to get there before she got on that plane. I took a cab to the airport and waited. I guess I had gotten there very quickly because nobody in my family was there yet. I remember having this need to talk to somebody and I called my friend Anabel. She told me to calm down, that everything was going to be all right and if I wanted her to come meet me. I said no, and that’s when I saw my mom pull up. She was pale, she had a panic-resigned look in her face. We hardly said two words and she got on the plane. I wished then that I could’ve gone with her but her friend had gotten her the only ticket left, it was a full flight. I went to the counter to buy a ticket for a later time but my grandmother told me to just stay put, that my brothers and sister needed me. God, I wish I could’ve gone…my poor mother. I went home and was so restless, my brothers were laying in my bed quietly, nobody was saying a word that day. The day progressed with us waiting by the phone to get news but nothing came until later on. I decided I need to go so I got in my car and went for a ride. I ended up at Anabel’s house where we sat smoked cigarettes, I talked and she listened.
I had made plans a few weeks earlier to get together with two of my professors that were going to help me with a project I had to present for a final grade in school. The only day they had available was that day, if not I wasn’t going to be able to present my project. Milton, my friend was supposed to come over as well. Milton and I went to pick my professors up from downtown. When we were heading to my house, I stopped at a red light and since I had my eyes full of tears, I thought that maybe, it was a good idea to let everyone in the car know what was happening to my family that day, and that all I wanted was to drop everyone off and head to my house and not deal with anything. I was sure they would understand. I just couldn’t do it that day. As soon as I start telling them, an asshole comes from behind in his big SUV and crashed me really, really hard. The entire back of my car was destroyed, I busted out in tears because I couldn’t believe the magnitude of my day. I cried and I finally let it all out, the entire day’s events came crashing down. Thankfully my professors took care of everything, making sure that the guy that crashed into me wouldn’t leave (he was completely drunk and had fallen asleep behind the wheel) and handled everything for me because I was in shock. I’m normally the type of person that faced with circumstances that require immediate action, don’t panic. That day was different. It was just too much. We ended up at the police station (that’s how things work in my country) and since I requested a D.U.I. for him he requested one for me (I wish I would’ve been drunk, to kick his ass good and proper). He was acting like such a jerk because I had my Florida’s license instead of a Bolivian license, he was practically incoherent but still causing a lot of trouble and driving me insane.
At around 2 in the morning the whole thing was settled. I went home and found my brothers right where I had left them. I felt so terrible (still do) for adding insult to injury, even though it was an accident.
I finally was able to speak to my mom the next day and she gave us more information in what had happened, It was not good.
It’s been 5 years since then and thankfully the nightmare is over.
(I’m sorry I can’t share the details.. it’s just very personal. this post is just for me).
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Blackout
Don´t it always seem to go
That you don´t know what you got ´til it´s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
(Counting Crows)
When I was 15 years old, my friend Francine and I decided that we would not do anything for a year. I had finished my school year and has convinced my parents to let me move to Miami to do my high school years, and because the beginning and ending of the school year differ here and there, I had about 8 months of no school. I was also ahead one year so I decided to take the entire year off and start school late in Miami. For some crazy reason my parents let me.
Francine decided to quit school altogether and her parents, since they had a lot of money, let her do whatever she wanted. Anyways, we had no responsibilities or curfew, plus we were in Buenos Aires, where kids at a young age go out till the wee hours or not come home at all.
We started to go to this club called "Blackout" and we met a big group of guys that were habitués. Mariano, Fernando, Cuca, Sebastian, Hernan, Harty, Leandro, Walter and a few more, which names unfortunately have left my memory. We would go every Friday and Saturday to the matinee and instead of going home at 1am, which was the time it ended, we would go out to the corner bar, have a few gancias and go back to the club at around 3a.m till 7 or 8 am. We got to know most of the people there. I feel in lust with Mariano, he was older than me but cute as can be. Francine hooked up with Fernando. Every weekend, we would meet up with them at the club, go upstairs to "los reservados" and make out. It was so much fun! The Dj’s name was Felix and he would play the songs that we requested, he even made a tape with all of my favorite songs for me. We danced and smoked cigarettes and drank vodka. At the end of the night, we would dance to the slow songs, ,kicking away the bottles left on the floor. When the morning came, we would go have facturas for breakfast or walk a few blocks to the churros factory. Then we would walk about 30 blocks to Francine’s house or my house, dissect the night and fall asleep till 5 or 6pm. Wake up--- rinse and repeat.
We did this for almost a year. During the week we would get together with all of the guys and hang out in Gaona y Carranza y Jonte y Avellaneda.
One day, without notice or warning, Blackout closed down and it was a sad, sad day. We started going to other places, we had fun but never like the Blackout days. Two years later, I went back to Argentina and Francine and I took a walk past our old stomping grounds and we carved our names into the metal boards that covered what used to be our home away from home.
That you don´t know what you got ´til it´s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
(Counting Crows)
When I was 15 years old, my friend Francine and I decided that we would not do anything for a year. I had finished my school year and has convinced my parents to let me move to Miami to do my high school years, and because the beginning and ending of the school year differ here and there, I had about 8 months of no school. I was also ahead one year so I decided to take the entire year off and start school late in Miami. For some crazy reason my parents let me.
Francine decided to quit school altogether and her parents, since they had a lot of money, let her do whatever she wanted. Anyways, we had no responsibilities or curfew, plus we were in Buenos Aires, where kids at a young age go out till the wee hours or not come home at all.
We started to go to this club called "Blackout" and we met a big group of guys that were habitués. Mariano, Fernando, Cuca, Sebastian, Hernan, Harty, Leandro, Walter and a few more, which names unfortunately have left my memory. We would go every Friday and Saturday to the matinee and instead of going home at 1am, which was the time it ended, we would go out to the corner bar, have a few gancias and go back to the club at around 3a.m till 7 or 8 am. We got to know most of the people there. I feel in lust with Mariano, he was older than me but cute as can be. Francine hooked up with Fernando. Every weekend, we would meet up with them at the club, go upstairs to "los reservados" and make out. It was so much fun! The Dj’s name was Felix and he would play the songs that we requested, he even made a tape with all of my favorite songs for me. We danced and smoked cigarettes and drank vodka. At the end of the night, we would dance to the slow songs, ,kicking away the bottles left on the floor. When the morning came, we would go have facturas for breakfast or walk a few blocks to the churros factory. Then we would walk about 30 blocks to Francine’s house or my house, dissect the night and fall asleep till 5 or 6pm. Wake up--- rinse and repeat.
We did this for almost a year. During the week we would get together with all of the guys and hang out in Gaona y Carranza y Jonte y Avellaneda.
One day, without notice or warning, Blackout closed down and it was a sad, sad day. We started going to other places, we had fun but never like the Blackout days. Two years later, I went back to Argentina and Francine and I took a walk past our old stomping grounds and we carved our names into the metal boards that covered what used to be our home away from home.
Monday, July 26, 2004
First Time
Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to...
(Madonna- Erotica)
Les contare de la primera vez que hice el amor. Era el 22 de Julio de 1994, dia de mi cumpleaños numero 18. S. y yo nos conocemos desde que somos chicos pero como el era mayor que yo, nunca lo vi de esa manera. Es mas, habiamos dormido en la misma cama muchismas veces ya que el es mi "primo". Ya! No se asusten! No es mi primo de verdad, solamente de nombre porque mis padres y sus padres son amigos desde la infancia tambien . Estabamos en Miami, pleno verano, Francine me habia venido a visitar de Buenos Aires y termino quedandose por 6 meses. Yo le presente a Ray y ellos se pusieron de novios inmediatamente. Estabamos S., Ray, Francine y yo mirando un partido de football en el departamentito de Ray en Coral Gables. A medio tiempo del partido Francine y Ray se fueron a la habitacion. Yo estaba tomando agua de cuando de pronto me meto un hielo a la boca y S. se da la vuelta para preguntarme algo. Yo le digo con la boca llena "hieeeooo eeeeberaaaaa" (traduccion: "hielo, espera") agarra y me dice "espera que te ayudo" y se viene encima mio y me da un beso de aquellos. Yo quede helada… Me tomo tan de sorpresa que no supe que decir. Pero como he dicho anteriormente aca, yo era una pendeja de lo mas perra (en el mejor sentido de la palabra…). Me empezo a besar y besar y besar y yo agarre viaje.
Yo tenia que irme a mi casa pero termine quedandome hasta como las cinco de la mañana. Pero esperen, falta lo mas importante. Abrimos en sofa cama y nos pusimos a ver una pelicula. Estabamos acostados, yo en shorts y sosten y el completamente desnudo. Empezamos a jugar y a tocarnos, me hacia gozar tan rico…Despues de largo rato se acosto encima mio, me abrio de piernas, me beso y me hizo el amor. Lo hicimos tantas veces esa noche que quede deshecha, a las cinco de la manana nos bañamos y me llevo a mi casa.
Como mis padres le tenian confianza, no me castigaron cuando llegue (estaban despiertos esperandome!) Entro conmigo, desayunamos todos juntos dandonos miradas complices y furtivas, una que otra mano por debajo de la mesa J Por una u otra circunstancia, el termino mudanse a mi casa (keep in mind that he is my cousin supposedly). Continuamos haciendolo donde sea, mis padres se iban los fines de semana a Mexico o a Buenos Aires y yo quedaba sola en casa a cuidado de el. Si supieran cuanto me cuidaba…
Sorry Mom and Dad. I was a very bad girl ;o)
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to...
(Madonna- Erotica)
Les contare de la primera vez que hice el amor. Era el 22 de Julio de 1994, dia de mi cumpleaños numero 18. S. y yo nos conocemos desde que somos chicos pero como el era mayor que yo, nunca lo vi de esa manera. Es mas, habiamos dormido en la misma cama muchismas veces ya que el es mi "primo". Ya! No se asusten! No es mi primo de verdad, solamente de nombre porque mis padres y sus padres son amigos desde la infancia tambien . Estabamos en Miami, pleno verano, Francine me habia venido a visitar de Buenos Aires y termino quedandose por 6 meses. Yo le presente a Ray y ellos se pusieron de novios inmediatamente. Estabamos S., Ray, Francine y yo mirando un partido de football en el departamentito de Ray en Coral Gables. A medio tiempo del partido Francine y Ray se fueron a la habitacion. Yo estaba tomando agua de cuando de pronto me meto un hielo a la boca y S. se da la vuelta para preguntarme algo. Yo le digo con la boca llena "hieeeooo eeeeberaaaaa" (traduccion: "hielo, espera") agarra y me dice "espera que te ayudo" y se viene encima mio y me da un beso de aquellos. Yo quede helada… Me tomo tan de sorpresa que no supe que decir. Pero como he dicho anteriormente aca, yo era una pendeja de lo mas perra (en el mejor sentido de la palabra…). Me empezo a besar y besar y besar y yo agarre viaje.
Yo tenia que irme a mi casa pero termine quedandome hasta como las cinco de la mañana. Pero esperen, falta lo mas importante. Abrimos en sofa cama y nos pusimos a ver una pelicula. Estabamos acostados, yo en shorts y sosten y el completamente desnudo. Empezamos a jugar y a tocarnos, me hacia gozar tan rico…Despues de largo rato se acosto encima mio, me abrio de piernas, me beso y me hizo el amor. Lo hicimos tantas veces esa noche que quede deshecha, a las cinco de la manana nos bañamos y me llevo a mi casa.
Como mis padres le tenian confianza, no me castigaron cuando llegue (estaban despiertos esperandome!) Entro conmigo, desayunamos todos juntos dandonos miradas complices y furtivas, una que otra mano por debajo de la mesa J Por una u otra circunstancia, el termino mudanse a mi casa (keep in mind that he is my cousin supposedly). Continuamos haciendolo donde sea, mis padres se iban los fines de semana a Mexico o a Buenos Aires y yo quedaba sola en casa a cuidado de el. Si supieran cuanto me cuidaba…
Sorry Mom and Dad. I was a very bad girl ;o)
Dreams
And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
(Mad World- Gary Jules)
I can still remember dreams I’ve had a child and normally my dreams are very vivid, colorful and sometimes full of senses. I like to think of my dream state as my alternative life, a suspended place and space where I get to experience things that expose me to situations I wish would happen or are afraid of, re-unite me with people and places from my past. My wish for all of you is to remember your dreams and when you wake up from them, take a few seconds to re-live them.
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
(Mad World- Gary Jules)
I can still remember dreams I’ve had a child and normally my dreams are very vivid, colorful and sometimes full of senses. I like to think of my dream state as my alternative life, a suspended place and space where I get to experience things that expose me to situations I wish would happen or are afraid of, re-unite me with people and places from my past. My wish for all of you is to remember your dreams and when you wake up from them, take a few seconds to re-live them.
Date With Myself
Yesterday I decided that I would spend they day enjoying the company of me. I had lunch at the Pozzi’s, hung out for a little bit and then decided to take off. I went to the mall, bought myself three sweaters and then browsed around to see what was new. I then headed to Ballard to catch a movie at The Majestic, my favorite movie theater but they were having a street fair and I couldn’t find parking so I headed downtown. I parked my car and walked to the first theater that I knew of and they weren’t showing any good movies so I walked to the other one, a few blocks away. Nothing there either. I was going to head to the University district but figured, what the hell, I’m already here, might as well watch on eof the ones that are being shown here. I got myself a big cup of coffee and decided to walk back to the first theater and bought my ticket to watch "The Notebook". Let me add that I had NEVER been to the movies by myself, but from now on, I will do it more often. The movie was so romantic, so beautiful. It had a "love can last a lifetime" feel to it.
I went home, it was empty and quiet and perfect. I changes into my PJs and smoked a cigarette in the dark while thinking about my life and how I ended up where I’m at right now. I thought and though some more and then, with a smile on face, I told myself "you are where you should be right now".
I went home, it was empty and quiet and perfect. I changes into my PJs and smoked a cigarette in the dark while thinking about my life and how I ended up where I’m at right now. I thought and though some more and then, with a smile on face, I told myself "you are where you should be right now".
Sunday, July 25, 2004
A Little Background
In 1998, I had moved from Argentina back to Bolivia after 12 years of not being in my country except for two visits to my grandparents. I got there in the middle of Carnaval, on the first day of the actual event. Man, I alomst got mad at my parents for having "deprived" me of such fun times. My brothers and sister had already been back for a few months. I stayed in Buenos Aires becaues I was still working and mainly, becuase of Charly, my exboyfriend of three years. I broke up with him and quit my job (details on those two things will be a few posts long) and decided to move back home.
The first night that I arrived in Cochabamba, my brother Jorge and his friends took me out to a party. I saw so many people who I had grown up with, went to school with, old neighbors, it was insane! We ended up going to a club a dancing the entire night. The whole weekend was amazing. I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay in Bolivia for long or head back to Buenos Aires to get back with my boyfriend or what. Now that I think about it, I was only 19 years old and didn't know a damn thing about being on my own. Charly was 30 years old and wanted to get married and start a family. I know now, that it would've been a distaster. Instead, I stayed in Bolivia, signed up for college and got myself a part time job at my elementary school as a pre-kinder teacher assistant. I lived in Bolivia since I was born until I was 12 (interim of moving between Argentina,Miami, Los Angeles and then back to Argentina for 4 years) and then back on Bolivia for 3 years. Then I got married at 23 to the boy that was my boyfriend when I lived in Miami. He came to visit me to and we got married. We then moved to Virginia, then to Miami, then back to Virginia, then finally to Seattle. Whew... that was long. I will elaborate on my stays in all these places.
The first night that I arrived in Cochabamba, my brother Jorge and his friends took me out to a party. I saw so many people who I had grown up with, went to school with, old neighbors, it was insane! We ended up going to a club a dancing the entire night. The whole weekend was amazing. I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay in Bolivia for long or head back to Buenos Aires to get back with my boyfriend or what. Now that I think about it, I was only 19 years old and didn't know a damn thing about being on my own. Charly was 30 years old and wanted to get married and start a family. I know now, that it would've been a distaster. Instead, I stayed in Bolivia, signed up for college and got myself a part time job at my elementary school as a pre-kinder teacher assistant. I lived in Bolivia since I was born until I was 12 (interim of moving between Argentina,Miami, Los Angeles and then back to Argentina for 4 years) and then back on Bolivia for 3 years. Then I got married at 23 to the boy that was my boyfriend when I lived in Miami. He came to visit me to and we got married. We then moved to Virginia, then to Miami, then back to Virginia, then finally to Seattle. Whew... that was long. I will elaborate on my stays in all these places.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Ode to Marianita
My little sister Mariana is something else. I love her so much. It's her birthday today and she is in my thoughts. I wish I could be with her today and tell her how awesome she is, how pretty and smart and wonderful I think she is. She's studying to become a lawyer and I know that she will exceed any expectations as she tends to do.
when she was little, I remember walking her to school, she was so tiny... the winters in Argentina were bitter and very windy. She was so little that I -honest to God- had to hold her hand super hard because she wouldn't be able to advance from the wind. I remember her laying in bed with me and imitating a talk show host , Laura en America, and having laughing attacks, as well as fart competitions! Ha!! Too funny. She's awesome and I simply adore her.
when she was little, I remember walking her to school, she was so tiny... the winters in Argentina were bitter and very windy. She was so little that I -honest to God- had to hold her hand super hard because she wouldn't be able to advance from the wind. I remember her laying in bed with me and imitating a talk show host , Laura en America, and having laughing attacks, as well as fart competitions! Ha!! Too funny. She's awesome and I simply adore her.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Still
I wrote a post about how pist off and aggravated I feel right now but I decided to erase it because after I was done, I realized I didn't have one good reason to feel the way I was feeling. It was just me being a brat. It's about 90 degrees right now, which is very unusual for Seattle and maybe it was just the heat making me grouchy. I think it might be that, or the fact that I'm missing him like crazy and I wish I could hold him right now, and kiss him and tell him "let's just forget about everything and start over" but I know that it's not going to happen and that it is completely over between us. I had a dream that he was hugging me and we were so close, and it felt so right. I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking about him and I wonder if one day, maybe, we can reach out and rediscover each other. I know it's not right, he hurt me so much... but for some reason I still love him. He's still my monkey.
Celebration
I had a really nice birthday yesterday. I went home early and when I walked in, there were a lot of balloons and Annie’s gift to me in the living room. She gave me my favorite perfume (Amarige). A little while after, Joel arrived bringing me all kinds of awesome stuff. He gave me canvasaes to paint ( I had told him I wanted to start painting), an esol and acrylic paints and brushes. They also gave me a very cute card. Oh, and I can’t forget… They bought tickets for us to see The Cure at The Gorge Amphitheater in August!! How cool are my friends? Scott arrived a little later bringing me a very nice bottle of Vodka and cranberry juice. We showered and got ready and headed out to dinner.
They decided thay wanted to take me to Daniel’s Broiler. We had the best steaks EVER! Oh my god, I cannot even describe the food there, i'll just sday that each steak was almost 40 dollars and the whole dinner ended up being almost $300 dollars ( the only reason I mention this, even though I hate talking about how much things cost, is becuase my friends are way too cool).
We also had drinks and Joel asked the piano man to sing "Spanish Eyes" for me, which he twisted it for "Bolivian Eyes". It was so sweet. We dropped Scott off at home and the three of us remaining went to my house were we decided to listen to music, draw with pastels and talk for a while. I’m so happy that they did all of that for me. It was very sweet and thoughtful of all of them.
Annie’s mom gets here today to stay for two weeks with us. It’ll be fun to have her. Oh, I was forgetting… when I got home, I went to my room and Karen and the girls had left me an autographed book with some drawings that the girls had made for me. They are now being displayed in my fridge. They are beautiful! I cannot wait till this weekend, when I can start messing around with my canvases. Thanks guys! I love you too. :)
They decided thay wanted to take me to Daniel’s Broiler. We had the best steaks EVER! Oh my god, I cannot even describe the food there, i'll just sday that each steak was almost 40 dollars and the whole dinner ended up being almost $300 dollars ( the only reason I mention this, even though I hate talking about how much things cost, is becuase my friends are way too cool).
We also had drinks and Joel asked the piano man to sing "Spanish Eyes" for me, which he twisted it for "Bolivian Eyes". It was so sweet. We dropped Scott off at home and the three of us remaining went to my house were we decided to listen to music, draw with pastels and talk for a while. I’m so happy that they did all of that for me. It was very sweet and thoughtful of all of them.
Annie’s mom gets here today to stay for two weeks with us. It’ll be fun to have her. Oh, I was forgetting… when I got home, I went to my room and Karen and the girls had left me an autographed book with some drawings that the girls had made for me. They are now being displayed in my fridge. They are beautiful! I cannot wait till this weekend, when I can start messing around with my canvases. Thanks guys! I love you too. :)
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Happy Birthday to me
El día que tu naciste
Nacieron todas las flores
Y en la pila del bautizo cantaron los ruiseñores
Ya viene amaneciendo
Ya la luz del dia nos dió
Levantate de mañana
Mira que ya amaneció
(Las Mañanitas)
Today I turn 28 years old. I really has taken me by surprise. It’s not that I feel old, I just feel like time has passed by too fast. I can still remember being in Miami blowing 18 candles and thinking 30 was a far far thing in the future. But now, here I am, 10 years later wondering where is the girl I used to be.
Last year’s birthday sucked ass so bad, I spent it in bed crying all afternoon long because Francis had forgotten it completely and didn’t even pick me up at work, I had to walk for a long time to get home and when I finally did, as I walked in he picked a fight and was being a total jerk . As I was driving in to work this morning I thought to myself "why on earth would I still think or miss a guy like that, big mystery. Anyways, I’m feeling a little sensitive today, missing my family and wishing I was with them.
I hope my day improves.
Nacieron todas las flores
Y en la pila del bautizo cantaron los ruiseñores
Ya viene amaneciendo
Ya la luz del dia nos dió
Levantate de mañana
Mira que ya amaneció
(Las Mañanitas)
Today I turn 28 years old. I really has taken me by surprise. It’s not that I feel old, I just feel like time has passed by too fast. I can still remember being in Miami blowing 18 candles and thinking 30 was a far far thing in the future. But now, here I am, 10 years later wondering where is the girl I used to be.
Last year’s birthday sucked ass so bad, I spent it in bed crying all afternoon long because Francis had forgotten it completely and didn’t even pick me up at work, I had to walk for a long time to get home and when I finally did, as I walked in he picked a fight and was being a total jerk . As I was driving in to work this morning I thought to myself "why on earth would I still think or miss a guy like that, big mystery. Anyways, I’m feeling a little sensitive today, missing my family and wishing I was with them.
I hope my day improves.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Fahrenheit 9/11 and other things
I went to the movies last night to watch Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. Excellent documentary with lots of information about, to my opinion, very well organized. I sat for almost three hours in awe and amazement. I’m not gonna sit here and go into my opinions about certain aspects of the movie, but I will say is that YOU should go see it.
This weekend will be a quiet one, I think. I don’t have any plans and will probably try to stay indoors watching movies or reading. I have been spending way too much money lately, so movies and books it is. Can’t wait!!
So, sometimes I go to bed after taking a shower late at night and every time I do that, I can’t wake up in the mornings. I think it might relax me too much. Ok, I’m blabbing. I’ll go for now.
This weekend will be a quiet one, I think. I don’t have any plans and will probably try to stay indoors watching movies or reading. I have been spending way too much money lately, so movies and books it is. Can’t wait!!
So, sometimes I go to bed after taking a shower late at night and every time I do that, I can’t wake up in the mornings. I think it might relax me too much. Ok, I’m blabbing. I’ll go for now.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Die
If you demand the truth I will lie
If you request my presence I will turn around immediately
If you are sinking I will push you further
I will let you die
But if you untangle me just one more time
Then I will convulse in truth
and I will stay a while
I will reach out and never let you go
If you just say you love me one more time
It’s never easy
There is an abyss in love time
Where we wander like ghosts
You and I dressed in white
Live with me in that undiscovered space
Never let me go outside your life
Haunt me, chase me, shelter me
Come and stay for a while
If you request my presence I will turn around immediately
If you are sinking I will push you further
I will let you die
But if you untangle me just one more time
Then I will convulse in truth
and I will stay a while
I will reach out and never let you go
If you just say you love me one more time
It’s never easy
There is an abyss in love time
Where we wander like ghosts
You and I dressed in white
Live with me in that undiscovered space
Never let me go outside your life
Haunt me, chase me, shelter me
Come and stay for a while
Independence Day
Words will not do my weekend justice but I will attempt to tell you all about it.
Day 1: We left Seattle Friday night at around 7pm. Headed to Ocean Shores, WA. (Scott, Joel, Annie and I). We stopped for dinner at at BBQ place where we ate really good food and then continued our trip. We arrived at Scott’s parents at around 11pm and stopped in for a few to say hi and blow some fireworks with the two little boys that his mom takes care of. Then we headed to the outskirts of the town to Scott’s sister’s house and set camp in their yard. After we were done, we headed into town to buy some beer. We were all really tired, so we went to sleep.
Day 2: We woke up relatively early with Annie screaming and yelling that she needed to pee and that she didn’t want to go into Scott sister’s house. We all got up and went in to say hi and take showers. We headed into town, directly to the town’s picnic where we enjoyed massive amounts of food and sun. Scott’s mom had cooked a lot of food and we sat there talking and taking pictures. I was amazed at how wonderful Scott is with children. He will be a very good dad someday. At around 2pm we headed to the port to catch the ferry into Westport. Rinky dinky beach town which has a few shops and restaurants but a very cool natural aquarium. We spent some time there looking at the starfish and sea cucumbers. Annie and I separated from the guys to go get some ice cream while they went searching for a bar. We ended up losing them and finally after a while found them sitting in a bench, Joel: beer in hand. Scott: mad as hell. Scott and I headed back to the Ferry while they stayed behind. I had a talk with Scott about him expecting people to jump at his beckon call. The trip back was nice, we saw some baby seals and a very cute All-American boy in a tank top. We got into town in very good spirits, so we decided to hit the local bars! Scott taught me how to play chess and I beat his ass, then we went to another bar where we had more drinks, the third bar was at the Polynesian Hotel where we had lots of appetizers, great conversation
and lots of drinks. We were pretty wasted so we went back to the tents and slept like babies.
Day 3: 4th of July!! We woke up and went to breakfast with Scott’s sister. It was actually lunch because try getting 4 hungover people out of the house in time (plus Scott’s sister). We had a really good lunch (we ate so much food throughout the whole trip!) and then headed to the movies. We watched Spiderman 2, where Scott shed a few tears, hehehe. After the movie, we went to the arcade and engaged in a dumb water bumping cars race. We did get awesome pictures of it. Oh, I was forgetting, we went to the casino and gambled for a while before all of this. Afterwards, we dropped off Scott’s sister at home, got ready and headed to the hotel where Scott’s parents were staying for the week. The room they had was right on the beach with an excellent view of the fireworks. I cannot even begin to explain how many people were out there lighting up fireworks. The beach at Ocean Shores is one of the only ones in the world where it is still allowed to drive on the beach, so it was crazy to say the least. We ate dinner with them and had some drinks. We waited until the sun came down and we walked down to the beach and joined the craziness. We had a really good time even though it was very dangerous since it was a bunch of rednecks in big ole trucks haphazardly lighting up rockets. Scott fell in a hole and it was damn hilarious. We made it out of the beach safe but a pretty drunk. We walked a few miles back to the car and then went on a ride. It was pretty late abut I can honestly say it was one of my funnest moments of the entire trip. Scott tried to hug a deer, we were being followed by a white junky car and I was singing of the top of my lungs. We went back to the house and pulled out the tequila bottle and did some shots. We had so much fun. We lost Scott somewhere along the way. We found him passed out in the tent, snoring like a bear passed out. We have footage of that, thanks to Joel and his camcorder. We all went to sleep Joel and Annie in their tent and Scott and I in ours. In the middle of the night I heard Scott trying to get out and he was really having a hard time since he was pretty wasted. Well, to make a long story short, he ended up getting confused and sleeping in the other tent thinking he was in my tent. It was very funny. You had to be there!
Day 4: We woke up and lounged for hours. We went to lunch and them said good-bye to the family. We headed back to Seattle and got stuck in traffic but it was a fun ride back.
All in all, I had a wonderful weekend.
Day 1: We left Seattle Friday night at around 7pm. Headed to Ocean Shores, WA. (Scott, Joel, Annie and I). We stopped for dinner at at BBQ place where we ate really good food and then continued our trip. We arrived at Scott’s parents at around 11pm and stopped in for a few to say hi and blow some fireworks with the two little boys that his mom takes care of. Then we headed to the outskirts of the town to Scott’s sister’s house and set camp in their yard. After we were done, we headed into town to buy some beer. We were all really tired, so we went to sleep.
Day 2: We woke up relatively early with Annie screaming and yelling that she needed to pee and that she didn’t want to go into Scott sister’s house. We all got up and went in to say hi and take showers. We headed into town, directly to the town’s picnic where we enjoyed massive amounts of food and sun. Scott’s mom had cooked a lot of food and we sat there talking and taking pictures. I was amazed at how wonderful Scott is with children. He will be a very good dad someday. At around 2pm we headed to the port to catch the ferry into Westport. Rinky dinky beach town which has a few shops and restaurants but a very cool natural aquarium. We spent some time there looking at the starfish and sea cucumbers. Annie and I separated from the guys to go get some ice cream while they went searching for a bar. We ended up losing them and finally after a while found them sitting in a bench, Joel: beer in hand. Scott: mad as hell. Scott and I headed back to the Ferry while they stayed behind. I had a talk with Scott about him expecting people to jump at his beckon call. The trip back was nice, we saw some baby seals and a very cute All-American boy in a tank top. We got into town in very good spirits, so we decided to hit the local bars! Scott taught me how to play chess and I beat his ass, then we went to another bar where we had more drinks, the third bar was at the Polynesian Hotel where we had lots of appetizers, great conversation
and lots of drinks. We were pretty wasted so we went back to the tents and slept like babies.
Day 3: 4th of July!! We woke up and went to breakfast with Scott’s sister. It was actually lunch because try getting 4 hungover people out of the house in time (plus Scott’s sister). We had a really good lunch (we ate so much food throughout the whole trip!) and then headed to the movies. We watched Spiderman 2, where Scott shed a few tears, hehehe. After the movie, we went to the arcade and engaged in a dumb water bumping cars race. We did get awesome pictures of it. Oh, I was forgetting, we went to the casino and gambled for a while before all of this. Afterwards, we dropped off Scott’s sister at home, got ready and headed to the hotel where Scott’s parents were staying for the week. The room they had was right on the beach with an excellent view of the fireworks. I cannot even begin to explain how many people were out there lighting up fireworks. The beach at Ocean Shores is one of the only ones in the world where it is still allowed to drive on the beach, so it was crazy to say the least. We ate dinner with them and had some drinks. We waited until the sun came down and we walked down to the beach and joined the craziness. We had a really good time even though it was very dangerous since it was a bunch of rednecks in big ole trucks haphazardly lighting up rockets. Scott fell in a hole and it was damn hilarious. We made it out of the beach safe but a pretty drunk. We walked a few miles back to the car and then went on a ride. It was pretty late abut I can honestly say it was one of my funnest moments of the entire trip. Scott tried to hug a deer, we were being followed by a white junky car and I was singing of the top of my lungs. We went back to the house and pulled out the tequila bottle and did some shots. We had so much fun. We lost Scott somewhere along the way. We found him passed out in the tent, snoring like a bear passed out. We have footage of that, thanks to Joel and his camcorder. We all went to sleep Joel and Annie in their tent and Scott and I in ours. In the middle of the night I heard Scott trying to get out and he was really having a hard time since he was pretty wasted. Well, to make a long story short, he ended up getting confused and sleeping in the other tent thinking he was in my tent. It was very funny. You had to be there!
Day 4: We woke up and lounged for hours. We went to lunch and them said good-bye to the family. We headed back to Seattle and got stuck in traffic but it was a fun ride back.
All in all, I had a wonderful weekend.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
stuff
I ran into Karl yesterday. He looked so thin and different.It was weird seeing him. As always, he was in some sort of mission becuase someone had broken intohis partment and stolen a bunch of his stuff. I ran into him on 4th and Cherry and we walked together a few blocks down. I'm happy Annie is no longer with him, he's still the same loser.
Last night I asked Joel to let me borrow his VCR so that we can watch some old home videos that Annie had of us in Miami. They were hilarious! I saw myslef at 16 years old and it was crazy.
Anyways, I’m counting the hours till the weekend, it’ll be fun. Yesterday Scott wrote me an e-mail asking me to please make sure Annie and Joel are in bed at a decent time on Friday because we are heading out Saturday at around 10am and. He thinks I’m responsible, how confused he is…
Talking about Scott, I just love that boy. He’s so fucking funny, smart, nice and interesting. It’s too bad I’m never marrying again because if not, I’d ask him to marry me (jk)
Last night I asked Joel to let me borrow his VCR so that we can watch some old home videos that Annie had of us in Miami. They were hilarious! I saw myslef at 16 years old and it was crazy.
Anyways, I’m counting the hours till the weekend, it’ll be fun. Yesterday Scott wrote me an e-mail asking me to please make sure Annie and Joel are in bed at a decent time on Friday because we are heading out Saturday at around 10am and. He thinks I’m responsible, how confused he is…
Talking about Scott, I just love that boy. He’s so fucking funny, smart, nice and interesting. It’s too bad I’m never marrying again because if not, I’d ask him to marry me (jk)
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
fun times
This past weekend was great! Friday night after work Annie, Joel and I went out to dinner to a pizza place in First Hill and then headed back to his apartment. We were hanging out, having excellent conversation when next thing you know, it is 10 am! Hee. Wow, that was weird. I tried to sleep and couldn't, you know how that goes. At 6p.m. I decided to head home, Annie, Kiernen and Joel went to a concert at Seattle Center so I decided to spend some alone time. I tried going to sleep but the phone kept on ringing then finally around 12pm I went to bed. Sunday morning Scott called early and I went to pick him up. Annie and Joel wanted breakfast and we wanted to go to a few garage sales so we arranged to meet up later. Scott and I went to a Mexican restaurant in Magnolia and found a few good garage sales before meeting up with Annie and Joel. We finally did, and at around 4:30 we headed to Joel's place for some drinks and roof top view. The view is amazing! You can see the entire city and Puget Sound. We stayed up there until the sun came down and then went inside. We ended up having one of the best times I have had a in a long long time. We got to singing, faking orgasms and laughing until my face hurt. Joel was playing the piano like a mad scientist, Scott had the microphone at first and next thing you know, it is a full on party of four. We were all pretty drunk and things got real fucking funny. At around 1am we head home and realize that Joel had forgotten his car at my house so we go inside to call him and let him no he wouldn't have a ride to work tomorrow. That's when my heart sank. Francis had left me a note at my door saying he had stopped by to see me and that he needed to talk to me and to please call him at work. I didn't know hat to think or do, so I did nothing. I went to sleep. Yesterday afternoon he e-mailed me and again, I didn't do anything. I just wonder what it is that he wants from me. Why won't he let me move on and stop being so selfish with me.
So anyways, this coming weekend is 4th of July long weekend so Joel, Annie, Scott and I are heading to Ocean Shores for a weekend full of fun, beers and who knows... I'll remember to post when we get back and let you know all about it. I plan on having the time of my life since last year's 4th of July was a miserable one for me. Things have changed!! Hell yeahhhhhhhhh.
So anyways, this coming weekend is 4th of July long weekend so Joel, Annie, Scott and I are heading to Ocean Shores for a weekend full of fun, beers and who knows... I'll remember to post when we get back and let you know all about it. I plan on having the time of my life since last year's 4th of July was a miserable one for me. Things have changed!! Hell yeahhhhhhhhh.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Cuentito
Bajaba la ventana y la volvia a subir, luego de un rato, la vovia a bajar. Miraba hacia afuera pensando en esta noche interminable, insomne, densa. Al escuchar los ruidos de la cuidad cercana, le entumecian sus fantasmas, esos ruidos que durante tanto tiempo infaliblemente lo amacaban hacia un sueño profundo, ahora lo mantenian despierto y alerta. Como aquel dicho que dicen los perseguidos "dormir con un ojo abierto", como la ansiedad de saberse solo e interminable, pasaba el tiempo sin rumbo final y sin afan.
Esa noche, noche como pocas, igual que la anterior pero diferente, fantaseaba con ella, la sentia cerca, si pensarlo y menos decirlo, la esperaba, la sabia. Llenaba sus pulmones de aire tibio y la extrañaba. Cerrando los ojos la recordo desnuda y dormida en aquel amanecer de septiembre cuando todavia las promesas estaban vivas y el amor habia recientemente retoñado. El vivia para observarla, mirando su pecho extenderse, ni suspiraba por miedo a que cualquier moviemiento en falso interrumpieran aquella perfeccion, la de su sueños, ella,
la de sus sueños.
Extendiose la noche como era esperado y sabiendose inutil, dejo que sus ojos descansen. Leve razon la de su existir.
Esa noche, noche como pocas, igual que la anterior pero diferente, fantaseaba con ella, la sentia cerca, si pensarlo y menos decirlo, la esperaba, la sabia. Llenaba sus pulmones de aire tibio y la extrañaba. Cerrando los ojos la recordo desnuda y dormida en aquel amanecer de septiembre cuando todavia las promesas estaban vivas y el amor habia recientemente retoñado. El vivia para observarla, mirando su pecho extenderse, ni suspiraba por miedo a que cualquier moviemiento en falso interrumpieran aquella perfeccion, la de su sueños, ella,
la de sus sueños.
Extendiose la noche como era esperado y sabiendose inutil, dejo que sus ojos descansen. Leve razon la de su existir.
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Garotos
Estórias pra contar
De um tempo perdido na imaginação
Coisas pra esquecer
E certas lembranças que eu quero guardar
Que aburrimiento, por Dios! Estoy sentada en frente de la pantalla, sin hacer absolutamente nada, no tengo ganas de trabajar, tengo sueño, recien son las 11:30 de la mañana y falta mucho para las 5:30 de la tarde. Tengo que encontrar la manera de que pase este dia rapido asi que creo que voy a estar escribiendo bastante hoy. Mi mente anda fantaseando ultimamente, lo cual me acaba de disparar recuerdos de mi vacacion en 1992.
Cuando yo tenia 15 años fui de vaciones a Florianopolis, Santa Catarina (Brazil) con mi amiga Francine y su familia. Tomamos la ruta en el Puegot 504 gris rumbo a Uruguay, Final Destination: Floripa. El viaje fue largo, pero valio la pena porque nos esperaba 2 meses de vagancia, cigarrillos, tragos, chicos lindos, playa, compras, una casa en la playa y muchas otras cosas mas. La primer noche dormimos en Uruguay, en la frontera con Brasil. El hotel en el que nos quedamos fue el primero que encontramos ya que llegamos tarde y el pueblito estaba lleno (tax free area). Esa noche dormimos con las ventanas abiertas, hacia tanto calor!! Los mosquitos se dieron un festin, entraba el ruido de la calle y los bares, la cama de sabanas blancas era como una canoa, hundida en el medio, pero nada era importante, solo que estabamos de vacaciones, teniamos 15 años y teniamos la vida por delante. Cuando amanecio, continuamos viaje rumbo a Santa Catarina. Cuando anochecio, quedaban como 2 horas para llegar a la isla y el auto decido no andar mas. Un testigo de Jehova que iba en la direcion opuesta nos socorrio y nos llevo hasta la puerta de la casa que habiamos alquilado. Increible el jesto del señor. Esa noche empezo la que fue una de las mejores vacaciones de mi vida.
Habia una bodega a una cuadra de la casa y ahi conoci a Ailton…tendria unos 30 años, bronceado, ojos verdes, tipico brasilero lindoooo esa noche hicimos un double date con Francine a la cual enganchamos con Renato, el primo de Ailton, un feo de aquellos (ella me debia un favor:)) caminamos por la playa, me dio un millon de besos, uno mas rico que otro. Salimos un par de veces mas hasta que el viejo dueño de la bodega me informo que Ailton era casado y tenia hijos. Como explicar los dias que le siguieron a la noticia… estuve tirada en la hamaca toda triste hasta que aparecio Carlos, el hippie de la playa que hacia las trenzitas y los dreads.
Alguien lo trajo para que nos haga trenzitas en el pelo y zaz! Flechazo! El le dijo a Alejandra que gostaba muito de mi. El era mulato, hijo de aleman con negra, tenia los ojos azules como el cielo y el pelo largo largo tipo rasta, era hermoso!!! Ese dia no paso nada, una que otra mirada y una sonrisita por aqui y otra por alla. A los dos dias me lo encontre una tarde en Canasvieiras, la playa que quedaba ahi nomas de la casa. Estaba yo sentada con Francine en las piedras que separabas Canasvieiras y Sobaco das Cobras, el sol estaba bajando y lo vi. Se sento al lado mio y nos pregunto si queriamos ir con el a la playa nudista, yo por supuesto dije que si y Francine, porque no era boluda y era buena onda, dijo que se iba a la casa.
Empezamos a subir la montaña y finalmente llegamos a la playa nudista. No habia un ser, nadie mas que el y yo. Se desnudo y se metio al agua. Estvimos un rato largo ahi, y luego me dio que me queria llevar a un lugar especial ( imaginate la tarada de 15, re confiada) y yo le dije “o.k”, me podria haber dicho tiremons del precipicio y yo estaba tan enbobada que seguro le decia “o.k”.
Me llevo por unas piedras, hacia una cueva, que cuando entramos se abria, y habia una laguna chiquita la cual estaba llena de flores flotando(juro que es verdad!!). No se como explicarlo, pero era definitivamente el lugar mas magico de mundo Era todo tan romantico, especialmente para mi que era virgen, que todo lo que vivia era nuevo y excitante. Me acosto en una piedra y me empezo a besar y tocar, y se acosto encima mio. Fue la primera vez que sentia a un hombre duro, el era enorme ( y no lo digo porque era la primera vez que lo sentia, sino de verdad era grande). Ma acuerdo cuanto me calento el tipo, mi mente iba a mil por hora y me besaba y me tocaba… Lo deje bajar y hacerme lo que quisiera con su boca. Lo hizo por largo rato, lo cual yo disfrute tanto! No tenia la mas palida idea que los hombres le hacian eso a las mujeres… El me dijo que nunca habia estado con una virgen…@@!$%%$#% fuck! Me dije yo. Y me empeze a poner nerviosa, porque loca era, pero no tanto hehe. En fin, no lo deje, lo deje bien caliente yo no lo deje. El se porto bien, me acompaño a mi casa y se fue. Lo vi un par de veces mas pero no deje que pase nanda mas que un par de besitos. Recuerdo ese dia como un de los mejores dias de mi vida.
Mi vacacion fue larga, pasraon muchas cosas, pero tengo que dejar de escribir ahora. Continuo con mas historias en otra oportunidad.
De um tempo perdido na imaginação
Coisas pra esquecer
E certas lembranças que eu quero guardar
Que aburrimiento, por Dios! Estoy sentada en frente de la pantalla, sin hacer absolutamente nada, no tengo ganas de trabajar, tengo sueño, recien son las 11:30 de la mañana y falta mucho para las 5:30 de la tarde. Tengo que encontrar la manera de que pase este dia rapido asi que creo que voy a estar escribiendo bastante hoy. Mi mente anda fantaseando ultimamente, lo cual me acaba de disparar recuerdos de mi vacacion en 1992.
Cuando yo tenia 15 años fui de vaciones a Florianopolis, Santa Catarina (Brazil) con mi amiga Francine y su familia. Tomamos la ruta en el Puegot 504 gris rumbo a Uruguay, Final Destination: Floripa. El viaje fue largo, pero valio la pena porque nos esperaba 2 meses de vagancia, cigarrillos, tragos, chicos lindos, playa, compras, una casa en la playa y muchas otras cosas mas. La primer noche dormimos en Uruguay, en la frontera con Brasil. El hotel en el que nos quedamos fue el primero que encontramos ya que llegamos tarde y el pueblito estaba lleno (tax free area). Esa noche dormimos con las ventanas abiertas, hacia tanto calor!! Los mosquitos se dieron un festin, entraba el ruido de la calle y los bares, la cama de sabanas blancas era como una canoa, hundida en el medio, pero nada era importante, solo que estabamos de vacaciones, teniamos 15 años y teniamos la vida por delante. Cuando amanecio, continuamos viaje rumbo a Santa Catarina. Cuando anochecio, quedaban como 2 horas para llegar a la isla y el auto decido no andar mas. Un testigo de Jehova que iba en la direcion opuesta nos socorrio y nos llevo hasta la puerta de la casa que habiamos alquilado. Increible el jesto del señor. Esa noche empezo la que fue una de las mejores vacaciones de mi vida.
Habia una bodega a una cuadra de la casa y ahi conoci a Ailton…tendria unos 30 años, bronceado, ojos verdes, tipico brasilero lindoooo esa noche hicimos un double date con Francine a la cual enganchamos con Renato, el primo de Ailton, un feo de aquellos (ella me debia un favor:)) caminamos por la playa, me dio un millon de besos, uno mas rico que otro. Salimos un par de veces mas hasta que el viejo dueño de la bodega me informo que Ailton era casado y tenia hijos. Como explicar los dias que le siguieron a la noticia… estuve tirada en la hamaca toda triste hasta que aparecio Carlos, el hippie de la playa que hacia las trenzitas y los dreads.
Alguien lo trajo para que nos haga trenzitas en el pelo y zaz! Flechazo! El le dijo a Alejandra que gostaba muito de mi. El era mulato, hijo de aleman con negra, tenia los ojos azules como el cielo y el pelo largo largo tipo rasta, era hermoso!!! Ese dia no paso nada, una que otra mirada y una sonrisita por aqui y otra por alla. A los dos dias me lo encontre una tarde en Canasvieiras, la playa que quedaba ahi nomas de la casa. Estaba yo sentada con Francine en las piedras que separabas Canasvieiras y Sobaco das Cobras, el sol estaba bajando y lo vi. Se sento al lado mio y nos pregunto si queriamos ir con el a la playa nudista, yo por supuesto dije que si y Francine, porque no era boluda y era buena onda, dijo que se iba a la casa.
Empezamos a subir la montaña y finalmente llegamos a la playa nudista. No habia un ser, nadie mas que el y yo. Se desnudo y se metio al agua. Estvimos un rato largo ahi, y luego me dio que me queria llevar a un lugar especial ( imaginate la tarada de 15, re confiada) y yo le dije “o.k”, me podria haber dicho tiremons del precipicio y yo estaba tan enbobada que seguro le decia “o.k”.
Me llevo por unas piedras, hacia una cueva, que cuando entramos se abria, y habia una laguna chiquita la cual estaba llena de flores flotando(juro que es verdad!!). No se como explicarlo, pero era definitivamente el lugar mas magico de mundo Era todo tan romantico, especialmente para mi que era virgen, que todo lo que vivia era nuevo y excitante. Me acosto en una piedra y me empezo a besar y tocar, y se acosto encima mio. Fue la primera vez que sentia a un hombre duro, el era enorme ( y no lo digo porque era la primera vez que lo sentia, sino de verdad era grande). Ma acuerdo cuanto me calento el tipo, mi mente iba a mil por hora y me besaba y me tocaba… Lo deje bajar y hacerme lo que quisiera con su boca. Lo hizo por largo rato, lo cual yo disfrute tanto! No tenia la mas palida idea que los hombres le hacian eso a las mujeres… El me dijo que nunca habia estado con una virgen…@@!$%%$#% fuck! Me dije yo. Y me empeze a poner nerviosa, porque loca era, pero no tanto hehe. En fin, no lo deje, lo deje bien caliente yo no lo deje. El se porto bien, me acompaño a mi casa y se fue. Lo vi un par de veces mas pero no deje que pase nanda mas que un par de besitos. Recuerdo ese dia como un de los mejores dias de mi vida.
Mi vacacion fue larga, pasraon muchas cosas, pero tengo que dejar de escribir ahora. Continuo con mas historias en otra oportunidad.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Poema
Te lo debo todo a ti
Lo que tanto querias que sea
Aquella que nunca fui
Te lo debo todo a ti
Aquella mañana de otoño
Aquellos sonidos que di
Te dedico mi vida
la que vivi a traves de ti
Aquellas manias, te las regalo
te las debo todas a ti…
Lo que tanto querias que sea
Aquella que nunca fui
Te lo debo todo a ti
Aquella mañana de otoño
Aquellos sonidos que di
Te dedico mi vida
la que vivi a traves de ti
Aquellas manias, te las regalo
te las debo todas a ti…
Fade
Breathing your scent
Tasting your breath
Sensing my fear
You fade away
I forget your harm
It dissipates
Every time you reach inside
And pull my veins
Lost it, feelings of ending
Beginning closed
Mouth closed, eyes shut
Dripping blood all around
You gave it away
Tasting your breath
Sensing my fear
You fade away
I forget your harm
It dissipates
Every time you reach inside
And pull my veins
Lost it, feelings of ending
Beginning closed
Mouth closed, eyes shut
Dripping blood all around
You gave it away
Monday, May 31, 2004
Fetish
We headed out to Portland Saturday afternoon (Jenna, Terry, Corey, Annie and I) and check into the Kennedy School Hotel around 5:30pm. We got ready and headed out to the Bachelor/Bachelorette party for Franz and Basha (Jenna's friends).
First stop: Mary's Club. Stipper joint, beautiful women, horny men.
Second Stop: Piazza Italia. Excellent food, lots of people (about 50 in our party), italian men and good conversation.
Third Stop: Fetish Party somewhere in the seedy part of town. Whips, women with big titties and fire. Crazy!
Fourth and last stop: Hotel, Stripper Boy, Terry on mushrooms, hotel cop.
Went to sleep around 6am after a long fun night.
No complaints on this end.
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Surprise!!
Yesterday was one of the best days I have has in along long time. I woke up and took my sweet ass time to get to work, when I got there our server was down so nobody was working, just talking away. At 11am Ann, Erin, Mike F., Mandi, Peter, Chad and I took of for lunch. We took the metro tunnel into Westlake and went to PF Changs. The food was amazing as well as the conversation. At 1pm we were done but Erin and I stayed behind and decided to go shopping. At almost 3pm we got back to work to find that the server was still down, so more bullshiting until it was 5pm. Oh, David gave me an awesome book as a gift.
In a very good mood, I came home and took a shower, got ready and waited for Annie.She and Marcelo got here and we went out to dinner to TGI Friday's. I took off from there to Ann's house in Edmonds becuase supposedly she had a little get together with some friends to introduce a new cosmetic line. So I get there and oh my god! I was a surprise good-bye party for me!!! Every single woman from work was there, even some friends that no longer work there. It was amazing, first surprise party ever. I got some gifts and got a little drunk, enjoyed myself the entire time I was there and then came home and fell asleep. I'm going shoppong today!!
I know this entry sound like a 14 years old diary but oh well, tough shit :)
Yesterday was one of the best days I have has in along long time. I woke up and took my sweet ass time to get to work, when I got there our server was down so nobody was working, just talking away. At 11am Ann, Erin, Mike F., Mandi, Peter, Chad and I took of for lunch. We took the metro tunnel into Westlake and went to PF Changs. The food was amazing as well as the conversation. At 1pm we were done but Erin and I stayed behind and decided to go shopping. At almost 3pm we got back to work to find that the server was still down, so more bullshiting until it was 5pm. Oh, David gave me an awesome book as a gift.
In a very good mood, I came home and took a shower, got ready and waited for Annie.She and Marcelo got here and we went out to dinner to TGI Friday's. I took off from there to Ann's house in Edmonds becuase supposedly she had a little get together with some friends to introduce a new cosmetic line. So I get there and oh my god! I was a surprise good-bye party for me!!! Every single woman from work was there, even some friends that no longer work there. It was amazing, first surprise party ever. I got some gifts and got a little drunk, enjoyed myself the entire time I was there and then came home and fell asleep. I'm going shoppong today!!
I know this entry sound like a 14 years old diary but oh well, tough shit :)
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Ultimamente he estado leyendo varios blogs, algunos que frequento desde hace ya bastante y otrosacabo de descubir. Cuanto me gustaria tener la capacidad de poder escribir mejor, de que todos los dias tenga algo nuevo que contar aca. Lo que me pasa mucho es que en el transcurso del dia,se me presentar muchos pensamientos e ideas de cosas que que pueden llegar a ser un post, pero una vez que me siento delante de la pantalla, no se me ocurre nada!
Me siento tan poco creativa.
Me siento tan poco creativa.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
This past weekend Annie and I took a ride out to the mountains, to Snoqualmie Falls. It was a beautiful day up here in the Pacific Northwest, warm and sunny, the trees were all in bloom and the skies were clear through and through.
On days like that, I find myself thinking about my childhood, about those days were things were simple, thinking and remembering things vividly, like if it hasn’t been that long, things I used to do and smells that invade my sense and still awaken something in me. Remembering little things that bring my joy.
There is nothing like the feeling of opening the window, letting the breeze hit you in the face, while the images in the corner of your eye fade away and blend into one green or brown trail. Then you stick out your whole arm, open your hand, you do waves and catch the air.
There is nothing like that feeling to me on a warm, sunny afternoon with no worries on my mind and many reasons for being happy.
On days like that, I find myself thinking about my childhood, about those days were things were simple, thinking and remembering things vividly, like if it hasn’t been that long, things I used to do and smells that invade my sense and still awaken something in me. Remembering little things that bring my joy.
There is nothing like the feeling of opening the window, letting the breeze hit you in the face, while the images in the corner of your eye fade away and blend into one green or brown trail. Then you stick out your whole arm, open your hand, you do waves and catch the air.
There is nothing like that feeling to me on a warm, sunny afternoon with no worries on my mind and many reasons for being happy.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
I just got back from Muleady's (sp?) after a fun night of beers and interesting conversation with Scott. I can honsestly say that life in the past few months has been really good and I have been meeting people and feeling a lot like my old self. I even decided to stay in Seattle for a while, and I say "even" becuase I was literally with my bags almost packed but fuck that... I can't live my live running away every time things get rough and i'm faced with problems. I'm a grown up now and whatever problems I have now will not go away until I take charge and face them head on and do something about it. I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and for what has happened. In the end, I was crying over something and somene that wasn't worth it.
So... life is alright and I ain't gonna die.
So... life is alright and I ain't gonna die.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Yahoo!
Que nervios!! Acabo de salir de mi entrevista con la Ciudad de Seattle. Si consigo este trabajo me muero! (Bueno, no me muero... per si que estaria re-contenta).
Thursday, March 25, 2004
For whom the bells toll
Un dia como hoy, hace 4 años, me case con el amor de mi vida. Era una tarde soleada, rodeada de mi familia y amigos y era muy feliz. Hoy es un dia lluviso y frio y despues de 7 meses de separados, hablamos como dos extraños acerca de los impuestos y como vamos a hacer el divorcio.
Que loca que es la vida.
Que loca que es la vida.
Friday, March 19, 2004
 |
- Leyendo “A Room with a View” a la sombra de una palmera.
- Viajando un un crecero rumbo Cuba, estadia: indefinida.
- En cama mirando una pelicula con mi familia entera.
- Desayundando un omelette en ese lugarcito que fuimos con Ale y Simon en Los Angeles.
- Caminando las calles de Buenos Aires fumandome un cigarrilo.
- Tomandome un vodka.
- Charlando y riendo con mi mejor amiga.
- Manejando, escuchando musica y cantando.
- Rascandome.
- Besando.
- Comprandome zapatos y carteras.
It’ll all happen soon. I have a feeling...
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
 |
Yo sabia que esto iba a pasar. Sabia que me iba a encontrar en esta maldita posicion, sin saber
que hacer. Estoy tan indecisa con lo de mi mudanza, y que hacer con mi laburo, y que hacer con mis cosas, que mierda hacer con mi auto, como voy a viajar, me quedo?, me voy? La puta madre que lo re mil pario...tantas cosas que tengo que hacer! Arhhggg... Odio sentirme asi. Yo tengoque tomar una decision y rapido porque estoy en limbo y asi no voy a llegar a ningun lado.
Si alguien me preguntara” what would you rather be doing?” o “Where would you rather be?” yo diria que viajando, viendo el mundo, tirada en una hamaca comiendo mangos bajo la sombra de una palmera en Bali.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Misadventures at the Front Desk
8am first call
Me: Good Morning, (Insert company name) This is Karen how may I help you?
Client: Good morning Karen, may I speak with (insert name of principal)?
Me: I’m sorry, he’s at the movies.
Client: ...
Apparently my brain was still in bed this morning...or at the local theater.
8am first call
Me: Good Morning, (Insert company name) This is Karen how may I help you?
Client: Good morning Karen, may I speak with (insert name of principal)?
Me: I’m sorry, he’s at the movies.
Client: ...
Apparently my brain was still in bed this morning...or at the local theater.
Monday, March 01, 2004
 |
My Ghosts
I wonder what life has in store for me. I know, I know...we all wonder that and I know that if we knew beforehand what we have coming, we would not make any mistakes and things would be so boring and predictable. I just wonder if I’ll be happy, if I’ll have children, if I’ll own a home and who I’ll share it with.
Yesterday I saw an old couple at the grocery store and they were walking hand in hand, they were old and gray but they were there for each other. I don’t know that story behind them and who knows, maybe they hate each other and they were just holding hands for physical support but regardless, they were together and have probably weathered many storms in their lifetime.
Francis would always tell me that he had this feeling inside of him telling him we were meant for one another. He believed that we knew each other from previous lives, an eternity of them, and that in our next life we would somehow find each other again like we have for centuries past. We would talk about us growing old together and I believed him, I wanted to share that with him so bad. I have pictured us sitting side by side 50 years from now, outside our house somewhere down south, tasting the salt in the air and taking it all in.
I know that it is over between us and I’m glad it is. I wouldn’t want to share my life with a person that doesn’t love me back, but I can’t help but feel the void in my life, the emptiness I feel when I think about our future together, the tearing of my heart when I picture my unborn children and when I hear the echoes in my mind as I walk inside our un-lived house.
He has been the only person I have ever allowed myself to make plans with that hardest part to deal with is the hollow feeling that is left inside me...regardless.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Friday, February 20, 2004
Monday, February 16, 2004
 |
Me estoy quedando en la casa de mi jefa esta semana ya que ella y su familia se fueron de vacaciones y no querian dejar a los perritos solos. Es en Edmonds, WA y esta a una cuadra de Puget Sound. Se ve toda la Peninsula desde su living room. Va ha ser interestante ver como me siento viviendo sola, aunque sea una semanita, me dara el feeling de ver como me siento llegando a una casa sin que nadie este ahi esperandome. Ya les cuento como me va.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Monday, February 09, 2004
Seattle
|
Seattle has been home for the past 2 1/2 years. Aca me han pasado cosas, cosas que voy a recordar con mucho cariño y otras que prefiero olvidar.
Seattle's skyline in one of the prettiest I have ever seen (and I have seen quite a few, ehem...) When it's sunny here, Mt. Rainier will leave you in awe.
The mountain views are breathtaking, the houses are all so pretty, summer here is incredible, the flowers, Lake Washington, Alki Beach, the market, Diablo Lake and the Cascade Mountains...
I know, I know...
Pero siento dentro mio que me va a hacer bien irme lejos de aca. No tengo nada en contra de la ciudad,es mas, estoy segura que la extrañare, simplemente que aca no he sido feliz.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Karen Once Again
Chuva de prata que cai sem parar,
Quase me mata de tanto esperar,
Num beijo molhado de luz,
Sela o nosso amor.
(Gal Costa)
Ha llovido sin cesar hoydia. Recuerdo las tardes lluviosas en Cochabamba cuando era chiquita y viviamos en la casa de la Avenida America. Yo miraba a traves de la ventana que daba a la calle, hipnotizada por la lluvia. En ese entonces, yo no sabia lo que era el amor entre dos personas, pero en mi mente ya existia la nocion del romance. Me ponia muy pensativa, quiza un poco triste sin saber porque. Esas tardes no me aburria, aunque lo unico que hacia era mirar por la ventana y contar las gotas, uniendose unas con otras y formando grandes lagrimas que bajaban por el vidrio. Esas tardes... las recuerdo con nostolgia.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria
(Nirvana)
When I was 17 years old I was living in Miami and hanging out with my friend Andreina day in and day out like if we were bound by the hip. We lived a block away from each other, had gone
to the same highschool before she “resigned�. One of us always had a car (well, technically not always because we were always, for some strange reason, getting in car accidents. Three that
year).We had the same taste in music and other things. She
was in love with Eddie Vedder and I my gray courderoys were my second skin.
Our fist job together was at the Youth Fair in Miami, I was selling apple dumplings while she was getting all kinds of zits from frying them fries. We would run to each others stand whenever “Far Behind� from Candlebox was playing on the loud speaker and every night after work, we would ride in her little green Tercel till we found ourselves some trouble.
We had lots of friends but we wouldn't hang out with anyone esle because we knew nobody "understood". We would punch each other in the arm while laughing and fumando buddah like if they were going out of style and listen to Zeta 94.9 and laughing all the time.
I have so many stories to tell about experiences with her that as I’m writing this, I can honestly say I don’t know where to begin. I’ll get my thoughts in order and start with one tomorrow.
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria
(Nirvana)
When I was 17 years old I was living in Miami and hanging out with my friend Andreina day in and day out like if we were bound by the hip. We lived a block away from each other, had gone
to the same highschool before she “resigned�. One of us always had a car (well, technically not always because we were always, for some strange reason, getting in car accidents. Three that
year).We had the same taste in music and other things. She
was in love with Eddie Vedder and I my gray courderoys were my second skin.
Our fist job together was at the Youth Fair in Miami, I was selling apple dumplings while she was getting all kinds of zits from frying them fries. We would run to each others stand whenever “Far Behind� from Candlebox was playing on the loud speaker and every night after work, we would ride in her little green Tercel till we found ourselves some trouble.
We had lots of friends but we wouldn't hang out with anyone esle because we knew nobody "understood". We would punch each other in the arm while laughing and fumando buddah like if they were going out of style and listen to Zeta 94.9 and laughing all the time.
I have so many stories to tell about experiences with her that as I’m writing this, I can honestly say I don’t know where to begin. I’ll get my thoughts in order and start with one tomorrow.
Grumpy
porque yo no quiero trabajar
no quiero ir a estudiar, no me quiero casar
quiero tocar la guitarra todo el dia
(Los Autenticos Decadentes)
Desperte esta manana de muy mal humor. Relamente ya no quiero trabajar. No es que sea una vaga que quiere rascarse todo el dia. No, no es eso. Es simplemente que estoy muy aburrida de hacer un trabajo que hace ya bastante, lo puedo hacer con los ojos cerrados.
Como muchos dicen (todos yo creo), quiero hacer algo que me haga feliz. Quiero escribir mejor,quiero viajar y recorrerme el mundo, quiero aprender a tocar la guitarra y visitar mi mis amigos que estan regados por el mundo, quiero tener plata para no preocuparme de nanda y tener que dejar las cosas para de aca a dos semanans porque tengo que esperar mi proximo cheque. No quiero estar atada de 9 a 5 a un trabajo que me paga bien pero no lo que meresco y que no me
hace usar la cabeza.
Lo peor de todo es que yo se que no saco nada con quejarme y quejarme, que al fin y al cabo, so y yo la duena de mi vida y la que toma las decisiones y que si quiero cambiar, el cambio lo tengo que hacer yo.
Bla bla bla.
Todo esto lo se, pero como dije... desperte esta manana de muy mal humor... asi que dejense de joder y dejenme quejarme:)
no quiero ir a estudiar, no me quiero casar
quiero tocar la guitarra todo el dia
(Los Autenticos Decadentes)
Desperte esta manana de muy mal humor. Relamente ya no quiero trabajar. No es que sea una vaga que quiere rascarse todo el dia. No, no es eso. Es simplemente que estoy muy aburrida de hacer un trabajo que hace ya bastante, lo puedo hacer con los ojos cerrados.
Como muchos dicen (todos yo creo), quiero hacer algo que me haga feliz. Quiero escribir mejor,quiero viajar y recorrerme el mundo, quiero aprender a tocar la guitarra y visitar mi mis amigos que estan regados por el mundo, quiero tener plata para no preocuparme de nanda y tener que dejar las cosas para de aca a dos semanans porque tengo que esperar mi proximo cheque. No quiero estar atada de 9 a 5 a un trabajo que me paga bien pero no lo que meresco y que no me
hace usar la cabeza.
Lo peor de todo es que yo se que no saco nada con quejarme y quejarme, que al fin y al cabo, so y yo la duena de mi vida y la que toma las decisiones y que si quiero cambiar, el cambio lo tengo que hacer yo.
Bla bla bla.
Todo esto lo se, pero como dije... desperte esta manana de muy mal humor... asi que dejense de joder y dejenme quejarme:)
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Hace bastante que no escribo aqui, no por falta de ganas sino porque realmente estoy harta de leer lo que escribo y darme cuenta que sigo hecha mierda y que soy una patetica enpedernida. Ya no mas! Se acabo! Quiero escribir otras cosas, no quiero dar detalles de conversasiones que al fin y al cabo no llevan a nada y no quiero estra triste anymore.
Asi que de ahora en adelante se acabo!
La pase super bien en Miami, me senti rodeada de familia, el sol me hizo bien, la musica en la radio me hizo recordar momentos felices y ver como vive otra gente me hizo pensar que realmente no hace falta estar tan sola, que no hay motivo alguno por el cual yo este tan lejos de mi familia. Lo unico malo de vaije es que fue tan corto que no logre ver a mi amiga Andrea, mi abuela me tenia de una oreja y no me desprendio un un instante.. Casi me muero porque hace mucho que no la veo y hubiese sido increible. Todavia no puedo creer que no la pude ver :(
El primero de Agosto es el dia D. Estoy que me muero de ganas porque el tiempo pase rapido ya que un cambio en mi vida es lo que quiero. Ahora estoy sola y como dicen en mi pueblo, puedo hacer de mi vida un poncho si me da la gana!
Asi que de ahora en adelante se acabo!
La pase super bien en Miami, me senti rodeada de familia, el sol me hizo bien, la musica en la radio me hizo recordar momentos felices y ver como vive otra gente me hizo pensar que realmente no hace falta estar tan sola, que no hay motivo alguno por el cual yo este tan lejos de mi familia. Lo unico malo de vaije es que fue tan corto que no logre ver a mi amiga Andrea, mi abuela me tenia de una oreja y no me desprendio un un instante.. Casi me muero porque hace mucho que no la veo y hubiese sido increible. Todavia no puedo creer que no la pude ver :(
El primero de Agosto es el dia D. Estoy que me muero de ganas porque el tiempo pase rapido ya que un cambio en mi vida es lo que quiero. Ahora estoy sola y como dicen en mi pueblo, puedo hacer de mi vida un poncho si me da la gana!
Monday, January 19, 2004
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Ode to my Family
(La Nena Feliz)
Fui feliz. Muy feliz. Mi infancia fue una sin problemas, sin complejos ni traumas. No tenia que preocuparme por muchas cosas mas que tener amigos y pasarla bien.. Mis padres eran jovenes, nos consentian, nos proveian de lo que necesitabamos y lo que queriamos. Jugaban con nosotros y permitian que mis amiguitas se quedaran a dormir en mi casa y que yo fuera a casa de ellas. Las noches que tocaba en mi casa, esas noches, mi papa se encargaba que la carpa este armada en medio del living, que las peliculas de terror que planeabamos ver esten listas, que haya hotdogs y chocolate en cantidades y juegos para pasar la mejor noche.
(El era el mas cool de los papas!)
Al desperatar, al dia sigueinte, desayundo completo con panqueques y mermeladas y seguramente planes de ir a la piscina o por ahi, comer parrillada en mi casa.
Todas mis amigas me decian que ir a mi casa era lo mejor, que era donde la pasaban excelente y donde nos podiamos quedar despiertas hasta la hora que nos daba la gana.
Yo nunca senti verguenza por mis padres, jamas los vi como antiquados o fuera de onda. Me siento afortunada de que me hayan tocado padres como los que tengo, al igual que hermanos y hermanas que son lo mas.
Mi mama era (y lo sigue siendo) una mujer hermosa, que andaba en tacos y siempre arreglada pero a la vez simple y para nada plastica.
Ella es calmada, con un corazon enorme, comprensiva, ser creativo, complice y amiga.
Mi papa es y siempre sera mi super heroe. Es inteligente(sabe todo), es comprensivo,tiene la mente abierta, es emocional, carinoso, chistoso, adulon y me ama y adora y yo a el mas.
Entre hermanos nunca nos permitieron pelear mas alla de un par de palabras cruzadas y luego era sabido que teniamos que disculparnos y asunto terminado. Nos enseñaron a ser personas honestas, simples, a creer que somos capaces de lo que querramos y que somos inteligentes y afortunados.
Asi creci, en una casa linda con muchos jugetes, leyendo los libros increibles de mi papa, tomandonos vacaciones dos veces al anio a lugares increibles, en buenos colegios, con gente siempre alrededor, con miles de tios, primos, amigos y demas.
Los recuerdos de mi infancia son tesoros para mi, son mi base, son recuerdos que cuando vienen a mi mente me hacen sonreir… y por eso me considero una persona muy afortunada.
Ahora que ya soy grande, no hay jugetes ni vacaciones, ni papa ni mama cerca a mi alcanze, no hay noches en la carpa en medio del living ni sabados por la manana de familia conejin.
Pero siempre pienso:
“ Y bueno, a quien le importa, con una infancia asi?�
Lo que leyeron, es suficiente para mi.
(La Nena Feliz)
Fui feliz. Muy feliz. Mi infancia fue una sin problemas, sin complejos ni traumas. No tenia que preocuparme por muchas cosas mas que tener amigos y pasarla bien.. Mis padres eran jovenes, nos consentian, nos proveian de lo que necesitabamos y lo que queriamos. Jugaban con nosotros y permitian que mis amiguitas se quedaran a dormir en mi casa y que yo fuera a casa de ellas. Las noches que tocaba en mi casa, esas noches, mi papa se encargaba que la carpa este armada en medio del living, que las peliculas de terror que planeabamos ver esten listas, que haya hotdogs y chocolate en cantidades y juegos para pasar la mejor noche.
(El era el mas cool de los papas!)
Al desperatar, al dia sigueinte, desayundo completo con panqueques y mermeladas y seguramente planes de ir a la piscina o por ahi, comer parrillada en mi casa.
Todas mis amigas me decian que ir a mi casa era lo mejor, que era donde la pasaban excelente y donde nos podiamos quedar despiertas hasta la hora que nos daba la gana.
Yo nunca senti verguenza por mis padres, jamas los vi como antiquados o fuera de onda. Me siento afortunada de que me hayan tocado padres como los que tengo, al igual que hermanos y hermanas que son lo mas.
Mi mama era (y lo sigue siendo) una mujer hermosa, que andaba en tacos y siempre arreglada pero a la vez simple y para nada plastica.
Ella es calmada, con un corazon enorme, comprensiva, ser creativo, complice y amiga.
Mi papa es y siempre sera mi super heroe. Es inteligente(sabe todo), es comprensivo,tiene la mente abierta, es emocional, carinoso, chistoso, adulon y me ama y adora y yo a el mas.
Entre hermanos nunca nos permitieron pelear mas alla de un par de palabras cruzadas y luego era sabido que teniamos que disculparnos y asunto terminado. Nos enseñaron a ser personas honestas, simples, a creer que somos capaces de lo que querramos y que somos inteligentes y afortunados.
Asi creci, en una casa linda con muchos jugetes, leyendo los libros increibles de mi papa, tomandonos vacaciones dos veces al anio a lugares increibles, en buenos colegios, con gente siempre alrededor, con miles de tios, primos, amigos y demas.
Los recuerdos de mi infancia son tesoros para mi, son mi base, son recuerdos que cuando vienen a mi mente me hacen sonreir… y por eso me considero una persona muy afortunada.
Ahora que ya soy grande, no hay jugetes ni vacaciones, ni papa ni mama cerca a mi alcanze, no hay noches en la carpa en medio del living ni sabados por la manana de familia conejin.
Pero siempre pienso:
“ Y bueno, a quien le importa, con una infancia asi?�
Lo que leyeron, es suficiente para mi.
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
It's a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
(DMB)
Porque sera tan dificil aceptar el hecho de que de ahora en adelante (y siempre) uno es dueno de su vida y que con ella puede hacer lo que se le de la gana? Porque buscamos excusas cuando llega la hora de tomar decisiones y dudamos nuestro criterio? Porque pedimos opiniones si al fin y al cabo lo que nos digan no va a ser 100% lo que no parece correcto?
Porque estoy hablando en plural si capaz es un problema singular?
In these typical times
Too many choices
(DMB)
Porque sera tan dificil aceptar el hecho de que de ahora en adelante (y siempre) uno es dueno de su vida y que con ella puede hacer lo que se le de la gana? Porque buscamos excusas cuando llega la hora de tomar decisiones y dudamos nuestro criterio? Porque pedimos opiniones si al fin y al cabo lo que nos digan no va a ser 100% lo que no parece correcto?
Porque estoy hablando en plural si capaz es un problema singular?
Random Phone Calls
He called yesterday. Again, caught me off guard in one of the busiest days I've had at work in a long time. He just wanted to tell me he has forwarded some important mail to me. We hung up and I stayed thinking about how many things I have been meaning to talk to him about so I called him back. We agreed to see each other and sit down and talk.
I went home and waited for his call and sure enough he called. We are getting together today after work.
I'm not sure what I'll say once I have him in front of me but I guess we need to discuss how we are going to proceed on the divorce and so on. It's going to be really hard to see him and have such an unpleasant conversation but it's gotta be done. I've been so nervous and confused. I miss him so much, he sounds like if he misses me too but its a sad sad thing that he had to go an ruin everything to the point of no return.
On other news...
We are having a snow storm and I drove to work this morning. It was nasty and hazardous but I'm looking out the window right now and I can see how beautiful it looks.
He called yesterday. Again, caught me off guard in one of the busiest days I've had at work in a long time. He just wanted to tell me he has forwarded some important mail to me. We hung up and I stayed thinking about how many things I have been meaning to talk to him about so I called him back. We agreed to see each other and sit down and talk.
I went home and waited for his call and sure enough he called. We are getting together today after work.
I'm not sure what I'll say once I have him in front of me but I guess we need to discuss how we are going to proceed on the divorce and so on. It's going to be really hard to see him and have such an unpleasant conversation but it's gotta be done. I've been so nervous and confused. I miss him so much, he sounds like if he misses me too but its a sad sad thing that he had to go an ruin everything to the point of no return.
On other news...
We are having a snow storm and I drove to work this morning. It was nasty and hazardous but I'm looking out the window right now and I can see how beautiful it looks.
Monday, January 05, 2004
Praying for sun
It has been extremely cold!!
Paso el fin de semana sin muchas novedades. Estoy viajando el viernes por la noche a Miami a ver a mi hermana, a su familia y a ver a mi Mama Sonia. Ya no veo las horas! Voy a conocer a Camila, my new niece y a ver mi amiga Andrea. Realmente ya no estoy aqui.
On other news...
Estoy planeando mi roadtrip para Agosto. Very very excited about that. Planeo bajar desde Seattle hasta Portland, Oregon por I-5 y luego tomar the scenic road all through the Pacific Coast, bajar hasta San Francisco, luego Los Angeles y ahi tomar la Autopista 10 que me lleva por todo el sur: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana (una parada en New Orleans es necesaria), luego continuar por Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia y finalmente la Florida. De esa manera ya me abre recorrido la mayoria de EEUU contando mi viaje cuando me vine a Seattle que lo manejamos por la via del norte. Yo creo que el viaje lo manejo sola, va a ser en el verano asi que no estoy muy preocupada. Una vez que pase la montañas en California, el resto sera smooth sailing.
Mi plan es llegar a Miami, asentar e irme a ver a mi familia inmediatamente por un par de meses. Luego regresar, buscar trabajo, alquilarme mi depto y continuar con mi vida.
Para mi el cambio es necesario, alejarme de el, estar cerca de mi familia, dejar este frio puto y las memorias putas.
It has been extremely cold!!
Paso el fin de semana sin muchas novedades. Estoy viajando el viernes por la noche a Miami a ver a mi hermana, a su familia y a ver a mi Mama Sonia. Ya no veo las horas! Voy a conocer a Camila, my new niece y a ver mi amiga Andrea. Realmente ya no estoy aqui.
On other news...
Estoy planeando mi roadtrip para Agosto. Very very excited about that. Planeo bajar desde Seattle hasta Portland, Oregon por I-5 y luego tomar the scenic road all through the Pacific Coast, bajar hasta San Francisco, luego Los Angeles y ahi tomar la Autopista 10 que me lleva por todo el sur: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana (una parada en New Orleans es necesaria), luego continuar por Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia y finalmente la Florida. De esa manera ya me abre recorrido la mayoria de EEUU contando mi viaje cuando me vine a Seattle que lo manejamos por la via del norte. Yo creo que el viaje lo manejo sola, va a ser en el verano asi que no estoy muy preocupada. Una vez que pase la montañas en California, el resto sera smooth sailing.
Mi plan es llegar a Miami, asentar e irme a ver a mi familia inmediatamente por un par de meses. Luego regresar, buscar trabajo, alquilarme mi depto y continuar con mi vida.
Para mi el cambio es necesario, alejarme de el, estar cerca de mi familia, dejar este frio puto y las memorias putas.
Friday, January 02, 2004
Take life by its horns
Each time you find yourself at a turning point,
the best thing is to lie down and let hours pass.
Resolutions made standing up are worthless:
they are dictated either by pride or by fear.
Prone, we still know these two scourges,
but in a more attenuated, more intemporal form.
Yo no quiero que la vida me suceda. Quiero ser primer protagonista en vez de ser una espectadora pasiva.
Each time you find yourself at a turning point,
the best thing is to lie down and let hours pass.
Resolutions made standing up are worthless:
they are dictated either by pride or by fear.
Prone, we still know these two scourges,
but in a more attenuated, more intemporal form.
Yo no quiero que la vida me suceda. Quiero ser primer protagonista en vez de ser una espectadora pasiva.
2004
Woohooo... I guess.
It's now 2004 and I plan on making this a wonderful year, full of changes, moving on, moving out and moving ahead.
I have big plans, pienso viajar, mudarme, cambiar mi imagen, visitar a mi familia (4 anios que no los veo), pienso divorciarme, y continuar estudiando lo que hace tiempo deje (in no particular order).
Espero poder cumplir con todo eso y mas y que el 2004 sea the turning point. There is no possible way it can be worst than last year so I'm definetly looking forward to a new beginning.
Woohooo... I guess.
It's now 2004 and I plan on making this a wonderful year, full of changes, moving on, moving out and moving ahead.
I have big plans, pienso viajar, mudarme, cambiar mi imagen, visitar a mi familia (4 anios que no los veo), pienso divorciarme, y continuar estudiando lo que hace tiempo deje (in no particular order).
Espero poder cumplir con todo eso y mas y que el 2004 sea the turning point. There is no possible way it can be worst than last year so I'm definetly looking forward to a new beginning.
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Monday, December 29, 2003
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Thursday, December 18, 2003
Heart Troubles
Someone once said that it takes a health scare to re-prioritize...
Well, shit...if this aint it then I don’t know what to say. I have Mitral Valve Prolapse. That is
when one of your heart valves is leaking blood. I ended up in the ER Monday night and spent a good five hours there. Went home all doped up after a few vicodins, some nasty tasting gel they had me swallow and after the horror (to me) of having blood drawn for testing. I went home, has weird dreams while being awake. I slept, roughly 3 hours, woke up the next morning and went to work. The chest pain was still present and I was really tired.
I got home and there was a message from the hospital saying I should call them to go over my blood test results. I have pneumonia. So here I am, sick like I have not been in a while, feeling a little sorry for myself and missing my family like crazy.
I hate this cold weather and I hate genes. Sorry for this lame-ass entry but I am a lame-ass today.
Someone once said that it takes a health scare to re-prioritize...
Well, shit...if this aint it then I don’t know what to say. I have Mitral Valve Prolapse. That is
when one of your heart valves is leaking blood. I ended up in the ER Monday night and spent a good five hours there. Went home all doped up after a few vicodins, some nasty tasting gel they had me swallow and after the horror (to me) of having blood drawn for testing. I went home, has weird dreams while being awake. I slept, roughly 3 hours, woke up the next morning and went to work. The chest pain was still present and I was really tired.
I got home and there was a message from the hospital saying I should call them to go over my blood test results. I have pneumonia. So here I am, sick like I have not been in a while, feeling a little sorry for myself and missing my family like crazy.
I hate this cold weather and I hate genes. Sorry for this lame-ass entry but I am a lame-ass today.
Monday, December 15, 2003
My chest has been hurting a lot lately and now the pain is in my back and my arm as well. I don't know why or how to make it go away, but it has me a little worried. I might take myself to the emergency room tonight.
I spoke to my good friend Delma Lorena -who is living in Spain- Saturday night. She was so sad when she called :( I hope thing start going well for her.
Bleh... I have nothing to say today.
I spoke to my good friend Delma Lorena -who is living in Spain- Saturday night. She was so sad when she called :( I hope thing start going well for her.
Bleh... I have nothing to say today.
Thursday, December 11, 2003
I finished reading Bodacious Succulent Women last night and I highly recommend it to all women that feel repressed but want to live wildly and freely. Camp Sark, if you are hiring, let me know!!!:)
This made me think of my grandmother. She gets to Miami this Saturday to spend some time with my sister and her family. She might be coming up to Seattle to see me, that’s if she’s feeling well since the flight is so long. I would love to have her here and see her, show her around and spend some time with her.
She is a difficult woman, strong headed, passive-aggressive, a little manipulative but I love her. She has suffered a lot in life, gone through 28 major operations, lived to see a son kill himself, visited two sons in jail, one of the latter hates the family so much, he has written crazy manifestos describing family details, published them in the towns newspaper, pointed a loaded gun at my 10 year old cousin and done many other unspeakable things. He is my godfather.
Back to my Mama Sonia... She lived though it all and then some and she still manages to get up in the morning, put a dress on, do her hair, put her make-up on, go shopping, spend time with her foofoo friends, eat a five course meal every day, and raise a teenager (my cousin Briana). She is an example of succulence and womanhood and I hope she lives to be 100.
This made me think of my grandmother. She gets to Miami this Saturday to spend some time with my sister and her family. She might be coming up to Seattle to see me, that’s if she’s feeling well since the flight is so long. I would love to have her here and see her, show her around and spend some time with her.
She is a difficult woman, strong headed, passive-aggressive, a little manipulative but I love her. She has suffered a lot in life, gone through 28 major operations, lived to see a son kill himself, visited two sons in jail, one of the latter hates the family so much, he has written crazy manifestos describing family details, published them in the towns newspaper, pointed a loaded gun at my 10 year old cousin and done many other unspeakable things. He is my godfather.
Back to my Mama Sonia... She lived though it all and then some and she still manages to get up in the morning, put a dress on, do her hair, put her make-up on, go shopping, spend time with her foofoo friends, eat a five course meal every day, and raise a teenager (my cousin Briana). She is an example of succulence and womanhood and I hope she lives to be 100.
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
I have been reading Sark lately and her books bring me joy. They make me believe that there is
hope, that I can be creative, that procrastination is not a permanent thing, that you should believe
in yourself, play with your inner child and think positive.
Her books are not the regular you-can-do-it-feel-good books. They are truly original and just
looking at them makes you feel colorful. I will follow her advise and try to write at least for five minutes every day about anything. I hope I don't bore you. Oh by the way... I 'll be changing the look on my blog again. It's impossible to read with the big ole flower in the middle. It's really annoying so bear with me for a bit until it's gone.
So changing subjects... I have been giving my m.... a lot of thought lately. I have been doing a lot of research and I'm trying to be organized about it and do it the right way this time around. I still haven't made up my mind completely but being informed is the best way to make a decision. I will have to make up my mind soon but for now, I'm just taking it one day at a time.
hope, that I can be creative, that procrastination is not a permanent thing, that you should believe
in yourself, play with your inner child and think positive.
Her books are not the regular you-can-do-it-feel-good books. They are truly original and just
looking at them makes you feel colorful. I will follow her advise and try to write at least for five minutes every day about anything. I hope I don't bore you. Oh by the way... I 'll be changing the look on my blog again. It's impossible to read with the big ole flower in the middle. It's really annoying so bear with me for a bit until it's gone.
So changing subjects... I have been giving my m.... a lot of thought lately. I have been doing a lot of research and I'm trying to be organized about it and do it the right way this time around. I still haven't made up my mind completely but being informed is the best way to make a decision. I will have to make up my mind soon but for now, I'm just taking it one day at a time.
Friday, November 28, 2003
Thanksgiving came and went. We cooked and ate and then watched some T.V..
It was an OK time I guess, not very eventful but all in all, it was fine. I woke up this morning determined to get this computer up and running so now after running around all morning, here I am, at home, chilling out by myself in front of the computer. It s a rainy day, perfect to just stay home, maybe listen to some music, experiment a little with my blog and what I can do now since I'm not doing it at work, and later on tonight, watch a movie or something.
God, what a boring life!!
I may be going to Bolivia for Easter with my sister Veronica and her family. I'm hoping that it happens.
It was an OK time I guess, not very eventful but all in all, it was fine. I woke up this morning determined to get this computer up and running so now after running around all morning, here I am, at home, chilling out by myself in front of the computer. It s a rainy day, perfect to just stay home, maybe listen to some music, experiment a little with my blog and what I can do now since I'm not doing it at work, and later on tonight, watch a movie or something.
God, what a boring life!!
I may be going to Bolivia for Easter with my sister Veronica and her family. I'm hoping that it happens.
Friday, November 21, 2003
Calling All Angels (Train)
I need a sign to let me know you’re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
‘Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
I need a sign to let me know you’re here
‘Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
And I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels
When children have to play inside so they don’t disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don’t talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it’s ours
I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels
I need a sign to let me know you’re here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
‘Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
I need a sign to let me know you’re here
‘Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
And I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels
When children have to play inside so they don’t disappear
And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don’t talk for years
And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams
In a world that what we want is only what we want until it’s ours
I’m calling all angels
I’m calling all you angels
Thursday, November 20, 2003
I went to sleep very early last night, about 9pm. I called my sister Mariana because I had heard she is sick (tonsil problems and low blood sugar) and she told me she's going to need shots for the next 8 months. I hope she gets better and that it doesn't develop into anything worrisome.
After hanging up with her I had a two hour conversation with Chris. It was really nice and I always feel like I can talk to him about anything. He told me about the new house him and Karina bought in VA and how nice it is and all the details of how the went about purchasing it, and all the improvements they are working on to have it as they want it. I'm really happy for him! It's crazy how this world is... who would've thought that we would end up being good friends:)
After hanging up with her I had a two hour conversation with Chris. It was really nice and I always feel like I can talk to him about anything. He told me about the new house him and Karina bought in VA and how nice it is and all the details of how the went about purchasing it, and all the improvements they are working on to have it as they want it. I'm really happy for him! It's crazy how this world is... who would've thought that we would end up being good friends:)
Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Ron told me yesterday that F. might suffer from personality disorder. That people like him just havenÂ’t developed psychologically and that they never do. He read me traits of people that suffer from this and they were right on. I asked him if this can be fixed and he said no, that they are incapable of loving the way that other people can, that they feel no empathy, that they arenarcissisticc and self-centered, that they praise themselves all the time even for things they haven't accomplished. They need recognition and are convenient.
This made me very sad.
I’ve been alone a lot. I remember someone wrote me a letter a while ago talking about the difference between being alone and lonely. I’ve been both.
This made me very sad.
I’ve been alone a lot. I remember someone wrote me a letter a while ago talking about the difference between being alone and lonely. I’ve been both.
Aprendiendo (Jorge Luis Borges)
Despues de un tiempo, uno aprende la sutil diferencia entre sostener una mano y encadenar un alma, y uno aprende que el amor no significa acostarse y una compañia no significa seguridad, y uno empieza a aprender...
Que los besos no son contratos y los regalos no son promesas, y uno empieza a aceptar sus derrotas con la cabeza alta y los ojos abiertos, y uno aprende a construir todos sus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno de mañana es demasiado inseguro para planes...
y los futuros tienen una forma de caerse en la mitad.
Y despues de un tiempo uno aprende que si es demasiado, hasta el calor del sol quema.
Asi que uno planta su propio jardin y decora su propia alma, en lugar de esperar a que alguien le traiga flores.
Y uno aprende que realmente puede aguantar, que uno realmente es fuerte, que uno realmente vale, y uno aprende.
Y aprende...y con cada dÃa...aprende.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que el que humilla o desprecia a un ser humano, tarde o temprano sufrira las mismas humillaciones o desprecios multiplicados al cuadrado.
Con el tiempo comprendes que solo quien es capaz de amarte con tus defectos, sin pretender cambiarte, puede brindarte toda la felicidad que deseas.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que si estas al lado de esa persona solo por acompañar tu soledad, irremediablemente acabaras no deseando volver a verla.
Con el tiempo entiendes que los verdaderos amigos son contados, y que el que no lucha por ellos tarde o temprano se vera rodeado solo de amistades falsas.
Con el tiempo aprendes que las palabras dichas en un momento de ira pueden seguir lastimando a quien heriste, durante toda la vida.
Con el tiempo aprendes que disculpar lo hace cualquiera, pero perdonar es solo de almas grandes.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que cada experiencia vivida con cada persona es irrepetible.
Con el tiempo aprendes a construir todos tus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno del mañana es demasiado incierto para hacer planes.
Con el tiempo comprendes que apresurar las cosas o forzarlas a que pasen ocasionara que al final no sean como esperabas.
Con el tiempo aprendes que todavia queda muhco por aprender
Despues de un tiempo, uno aprende la sutil diferencia entre sostener una mano y encadenar un alma, y uno aprende que el amor no significa acostarse y una compañia no significa seguridad, y uno empieza a aprender...
Que los besos no son contratos y los regalos no son promesas, y uno empieza a aceptar sus derrotas con la cabeza alta y los ojos abiertos, y uno aprende a construir todos sus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno de mañana es demasiado inseguro para planes...
y los futuros tienen una forma de caerse en la mitad.
Y despues de un tiempo uno aprende que si es demasiado, hasta el calor del sol quema.
Asi que uno planta su propio jardin y decora su propia alma, en lugar de esperar a que alguien le traiga flores.
Y uno aprende que realmente puede aguantar, que uno realmente es fuerte, que uno realmente vale, y uno aprende.
Y aprende...y con cada dÃa...aprende.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que el que humilla o desprecia a un ser humano, tarde o temprano sufrira las mismas humillaciones o desprecios multiplicados al cuadrado.
Con el tiempo comprendes que solo quien es capaz de amarte con tus defectos, sin pretender cambiarte, puede brindarte toda la felicidad que deseas.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que si estas al lado de esa persona solo por acompañar tu soledad, irremediablemente acabaras no deseando volver a verla.
Con el tiempo entiendes que los verdaderos amigos son contados, y que el que no lucha por ellos tarde o temprano se vera rodeado solo de amistades falsas.
Con el tiempo aprendes que las palabras dichas en un momento de ira pueden seguir lastimando a quien heriste, durante toda la vida.
Con el tiempo aprendes que disculpar lo hace cualquiera, pero perdonar es solo de almas grandes.
Con el tiempo te das cuenta de que cada experiencia vivida con cada persona es irrepetible.
Con el tiempo aprendes a construir todos tus caminos en el hoy, porque el terreno del mañana es demasiado incierto para hacer planes.
Con el tiempo comprendes que apresurar las cosas o forzarlas a que pasen ocasionara que al final no sean como esperabas.
Con el tiempo aprendes que todavia queda muhco por aprender
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Liza
I came across some poetry by my lovely friend Liza. She's always been sooooo awesome. I hope she doesn't mind me posting this...
by LIZA NEPA
For me,
Farewell means ...you'll live long
Farewell to my unborn son.
Farewell to the words unsung.
Farewell to my hungry son.
Farewell to the years to come.
Farewell to my youth,
So sweet to have tasted its fruit
I came across some poetry by my lovely friend Liza. She's always been sooooo awesome. I hope she doesn't mind me posting this...
by LIZA NEPA
For me,
Farewell means ...you'll live long
Farewell to my unborn son.
Farewell to the words unsung.
Farewell to my hungry son.
Farewell to the years to come.
Farewell to my youth,
So sweet to have tasted its fruit
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
He called me again yesterday. He told me he was sorry about everything he had done, that it had been a mistake, that he loves me and that he'll do anything to be with me.
We had a really long conversation and I told him that that will never happen. He asked me for one last opportunity and I said no. Not becuase I don't love him, but becuase he betrayed me.
He told me that he's very unhappy and that him and I are a part of each other. That is true, he's a big part of me, of my history, the one and only person I have truly loved, but... how do you forgive and forget? I've always wondered how people do it. How is it that my mom and my sister forgave? I'm not judging here, I just wish I knew how they did it and how do you trust again.
I had a very hard time telling him those things, becuase I know that he now realizes that it was a mistake, that what starts wrong ends wrong. I told him he had cheated and lied to me and that I had given him a million opportunities to step up and be a man about it, to be there for me when I most needed him, to love me the way I loved him and when the time came, he made a choice and that choice wasn't me, it was her. He moved her into my house, into my bed, with my pets, sat in my table with her, I can't forgive that. Maybe in a few years, when I'm not this hurt I might forgive him and we'll be friends, but as much as it hurts to say, and like I told him yesterday.. he realized this a bit too late.
On other news...
I went to see Ron yesterday. He has a beautiful office in downtown Seattle with a confortable couch and he seems really nice. I talked and talked and talked... he listened:)
We had a really long conversation and I told him that that will never happen. He asked me for one last opportunity and I said no. Not becuase I don't love him, but becuase he betrayed me.
He told me that he's very unhappy and that him and I are a part of each other. That is true, he's a big part of me, of my history, the one and only person I have truly loved, but... how do you forgive and forget? I've always wondered how people do it. How is it that my mom and my sister forgave? I'm not judging here, I just wish I knew how they did it and how do you trust again.
I had a very hard time telling him those things, becuase I know that he now realizes that it was a mistake, that what starts wrong ends wrong. I told him he had cheated and lied to me and that I had given him a million opportunities to step up and be a man about it, to be there for me when I most needed him, to love me the way I loved him and when the time came, he made a choice and that choice wasn't me, it was her. He moved her into my house, into my bed, with my pets, sat in my table with her, I can't forgive that. Maybe in a few years, when I'm not this hurt I might forgive him and we'll be friends, but as much as it hurts to say, and like I told him yesterday.. he realized this a bit too late.
On other news...
I went to see Ron yesterday. He has a beautiful office in downtown Seattle with a confortable couch and he seems really nice. I talked and talked and talked... he listened:)
Monday, November 03, 2003
Today, November 3rd 2003 his conscience knocked on the door and he decided to call and say he was sorry. My heart almost came out of my chest. I talked to him normally, no screaming or yelling or none of that. I did tell him that what he had done, he can't take back and that is where he loses.
I miss him, I still love him but I can never forgive him and I can never see myself living with him again.
I miss him, I still love him but I can never forgive him and I can never see myself living with him again.
Friday, October 31, 2003
"Un Mal Sueno"
(M.A.)
Que me esta pasando
que me pesa el aire
que estoy respirando
y se me acaba el dia
sin yo comenzarlo
y me sobran horas
y me falta tanto
para irme llenando
el vacio adentro
que tu me has dejado
lento va quemando
Todo ha sido en vano
todo ha sido falso
esto es un mal sueno
eso es un engano
que tu llamas amor
pero el amor es blanco
y tu me lo has manchado
es un nino ingenuo
que tu has maltratado
es confiado y libre
ya ahora vive en prision
el amor es todo
y tu lo has vuelto nada
es calor de un beso
no una fria cama
es una pareja
convertida en uno
y tu y yo somos dos
ya logre borrarme
la ultima caricia
ya no siento pena
ya no tengo risa
ando por las calle
como programado
tengo fria el alma
estoy desorientado
ese sentimiento
que nos consumia
lo has contaminado
(M.A.)
Que me esta pasando
que me pesa el aire
que estoy respirando
y se me acaba el dia
sin yo comenzarlo
y me sobran horas
y me falta tanto
para irme llenando
el vacio adentro
que tu me has dejado
lento va quemando
Todo ha sido en vano
todo ha sido falso
esto es un mal sueno
eso es un engano
que tu llamas amor
pero el amor es blanco
y tu me lo has manchado
es un nino ingenuo
que tu has maltratado
es confiado y libre
ya ahora vive en prision
el amor es todo
y tu lo has vuelto nada
es calor de un beso
no una fria cama
es una pareja
convertida en uno
y tu y yo somos dos
ya logre borrarme
la ultima caricia
ya no siento pena
ya no tengo risa
ando por las calle
como programado
tengo fria el alma
estoy desorientado
ese sentimiento
que nos consumia
lo has contaminado
Friday, October 24, 2003
Its Friday finally! I had a really long week but all in all a good one. I went shopping on Wednesday and Thursday and ended up buying stuff for my sister which I have to mail to her, a few things for my room and lotions and creams for myself:)
I finally finished painting my room last night, after 5 coats, it finally looks the way I want it, so now, after work, I'll go home and put all my stuff where it belongs. It's red and beautiful!! Really excited about not sleeping in the living room anymore.
I also had to run a whole bunch of errands yesterday, paperwork mostly, getting ready to file for divorce and getting a new passport because I seem to have "misplaced" my old one. I'm really happy to inform that all went well and soon, very soon, I'll file for divorce.
I wonder what I'll get Annie for her birthday.... hmmm
I finally finished painting my room last night, after 5 coats, it finally looks the way I want it, so now, after work, I'll go home and put all my stuff where it belongs. It's red and beautiful!! Really excited about not sleeping in the living room anymore.
I also had to run a whole bunch of errands yesterday, paperwork mostly, getting ready to file for divorce and getting a new passport because I seem to have "misplaced" my old one. I'm really happy to inform that all went well and soon, very soon, I'll file for divorce.
I wonder what I'll get Annie for her birthday.... hmmm
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Grace Is Gone
(DMB)
Neon shines through smokey eyes tonight,
It's 2 AM, I'm drunk again,
It's heavy on my mind, It's heavy on my mind.
I could never love again,
So much as I love you.
Where you end, where I begin,
Is like a river going through.
Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause I'll need them no more.
If never again they'll fall upon,
The one I so adore.
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.
One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Would you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.
One more drink and I'll move on.
You think of things impossible,
Then the sun refuse to shine.
I woke with you beside me,
Your cold hand lay in mine.
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll go...
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart, my grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on,
One more drink and I'll move on.
One more drink my grace is gone.
(DMB)
Neon shines through smokey eyes tonight,
It's 2 AM, I'm drunk again,
It's heavy on my mind, It's heavy on my mind.
I could never love again,
So much as I love you.
Where you end, where I begin,
Is like a river going through.
Take my heart, take my eyes,
Cause I'll need them no more.
If never again they'll fall upon,
The one I so adore.
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.
One drink to remember,
And another to forget.
How could I ever dream to find a love like this again?
One drink to remember, another to forget...
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Would you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on.
One more drink and I'll move on.
You think of things impossible,
Then the sun refuse to shine.
I woke with you beside me,
Your cold hand lay in mine.
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart,
My grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll go...
Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong,
Cause I don't need to think.
broke my heart, my grace is gone.
Another drink and I'll move on,
One more drink and I'll move on.
One more drink my grace is gone.
Monday, October 20, 2003
I miss my family terribly. I remember having a conversation with a friend long a ago, someone I cared about very much, and coming to the conclusion that the answer to happiness lies in omnipresence. If only I could be here and there at the same time! I long to give them a hug and to just be there with them. I cannot wait till my mom and I have a conversation in the kitchen and I go with her on Saturdays to "la feria", cannot wait till we all lay in bed being lazy and watching TV all morning.
I love my brothers and sisters, mom and dad more than anything in this world and I rather something happen to me before something ever happens to them.
I love my brothers and sisters, mom and dad more than anything in this world and I rather something happen to me before something ever happens to them.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
I have an appointment next Wednesday to go pay the fee so taxes can be sumbitted from last year. We had left that pending (like every other thing that wasn't taken care of when it should've). I'm praying that all the papers were signed in order to just copy and mail them.
I cannot wait till this is all over and I don't have to deal with bullshit on top of everything.
I cannot wait till this is all over and I don't have to deal with bullshit on top of everything.
Dedicated to my friend Pablito who was there for me many endless nights in the past, sitting in my car, bottles of rum, crying for the ones we loved, looking at the moon, just being un buen amigo. Te recuerdo con cariño....
SIN TU LATIDO
(Letra y música:L.E. Aute)
Hay algunos que dicen
que todos los caminos conducen a Roma;
y es verdad, porque el mÃo
me lleva cada noche al hueco que te
nombra
y le hablo y le suelto
una sonrisa, una blasfemia y dos derrotas;
luego apago tus ojos
y duermo con tu nombre besando mi boca.
Ay, amor mio,
que terriblemente absurdo
es estar vivo
sin el alma de tu cuerpo,
sin tu latido.
Que el final de esta historia,
enesima autobiografÃa de un fracaso,
no te sirva de ejemplo,
hay quien afirma que el amor es un milagro
que no hay mal que no cure
pero tampoco bien que le dure cien anios;
eso casi lo salva,
lo malo son las noches que mojan mi mano.
Ay, amor mio,
que terriblemente absurdo
es estar vivo
sin el alma de tu cuerpo,
sin tu latido.
Aunque todo ya es nada,
no se por qué te escondes y huyes de mi
encuentro.
Por saber de tu vida
no creo que vulnere ningun mandamiento;
tan terrible es el odio
que ni te atreves a mostrarme tu desprecio,
pero no me hagas caso,
lo que me pasa es que este mundo no lo
entiendo.
Ay, amor mio,
que terriblemente absurdo
es estar vivo
sin el alma de tu cuerpo,
sin tu latido.
Memories of my past in Bolivia, Guitarreadas con mis amigos...
Ojala
Ojala que las hojas no te toque el cuerpo cuando caigan
para que no las puedas convertir en cristal.
Ojala que la lluvia deje de ser milagro que baja por tu cuerpo.
Ojala que la luna pueda salir sin ti.
Ojala que la tierra no te bese los pasos.
Ojala se te acabé la mirada constante,
la palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.
Ojala pase algo que te borre de pronto:
una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojala por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
en todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
ojala que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones
Ojala que la aurora no dé gritos que caigan en mi espalda.
Ojala que tu nombre se le olvide a esa voz.
Ojala las paredes no retengan tu ruido de camino cansado.
Ojala que el deseo se vaya tras de ti,
a tu viejo gobierno de difuntos y flores.
(Luis Eduardo Aute)
Ojala
Ojala que las hojas no te toque el cuerpo cuando caigan
para que no las puedas convertir en cristal.
Ojala que la lluvia deje de ser milagro que baja por tu cuerpo.
Ojala que la luna pueda salir sin ti.
Ojala que la tierra no te bese los pasos.
Ojala se te acabé la mirada constante,
la palabra precisa, la sonrisa perfecta.
Ojala pase algo que te borre de pronto:
una luz cegadora, un disparo de nieve.
Ojala por lo menos que me lleve la muerte,
para no verte tanto, para no verte siempre
en todos los segundos, en todas las visiones:
ojala que no pueda tocarte ni en canciones
Ojala que la aurora no dé gritos que caigan en mi espalda.
Ojala que tu nombre se le olvide a esa voz.
Ojala las paredes no retengan tu ruido de camino cansado.
Ojala que el deseo se vaya tras de ti,
a tu viejo gobierno de difuntos y flores.
(Luis Eduardo Aute)
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
When someone hurts me, I don't think about revenge. I don't regret anything I have done or am doing because I know I've been good. I have suffered deception, have been deceived and I am very disappointed, that is clear.
Then I ask myself: What have I done wrong? I must've done something wrong, that is for sure...Or not...
Let's see: Have I acted according to my moral scale? Have I asked myself at any moment during my relationship with him if this or that might hurt him? Have I stopped to think if the decisions I've made have been given thought out or not? And the answer to all this is YES. Not in an obsessive or organized way, but confronted with important issues I do weigh out the pros and cons, at least for a day or two.
Not only do I think about me and what concerns me but also about the impact on the other person involved.
Then I come to realize that to him I have been nothing but entertainment, an object easily exchangeable. Something that sooner or later is just a stepping stone to the next episode. He didn't stop and think... he acted out of impulse, convenience... Convincing himself that destiny is nothing but what comes and hits him in the face. I don't believe for a second that he stopped and thought about how much he was hurting me. He would apologize like reciting a well learned speech...because that is what feels right, because that is what he thought would get him out of the dog house... because that is what he thought as politically correct.
But not for once, because he meant it. You can make a mistake and regret it, but if you keep on making it over and over then it is no longer a mistake...it is almost a pre-meditated slow and painful killing of the heart.
My first reaction over things now is shock, regardless of how many times I hear things I'm never prepared for the next blow. Immediately after that a numbing nauseating feeling in the bottom of my stomach starts to arise. They say the postman rings twice...and then not happy with have broken the chain (was it a really a chain?) trying to pretend that it isn't really the way he acted but just the circumstances (very archaic like the beast he is). He would, in a very pathetic attempt, clear his conscience, offered his half assed contradictory apologies that did nothing but worsen the situation. He broke my schemes, broke my peace, that one I had even if it was for just one night of restful, nightmareless sleep.
I wake up every morning and little by little realize that it's not too bad to lose a person that has no word.
I can take a low blow or two, some come in as easy as if hitting clay but you know what,some bounce against the unstable little mud barrier that I have been working hard at creating and is drying and getting harder every day.
And then he comes again tipping over my schemes and I feel like responding but I know for a fact that no matter what I say, he will perceive the hurt I carry.
I haven't forgotten him, but they say time heals everything. Now, I tighten my jaw and I contain myself so that I don't respond to the provocations of knowing him by her side.
Then I ask myself: What have I done wrong? I must've done something wrong, that is for sure...Or not...
Let's see: Have I acted according to my moral scale? Have I asked myself at any moment during my relationship with him if this or that might hurt him? Have I stopped to think if the decisions I've made have been given thought out or not? And the answer to all this is YES. Not in an obsessive or organized way, but confronted with important issues I do weigh out the pros and cons, at least for a day or two.
Not only do I think about me and what concerns me but also about the impact on the other person involved.
Then I come to realize that to him I have been nothing but entertainment, an object easily exchangeable. Something that sooner or later is just a stepping stone to the next episode. He didn't stop and think... he acted out of impulse, convenience... Convincing himself that destiny is nothing but what comes and hits him in the face. I don't believe for a second that he stopped and thought about how much he was hurting me. He would apologize like reciting a well learned speech...because that is what feels right, because that is what he thought would get him out of the dog house... because that is what he thought as politically correct.
But not for once, because he meant it. You can make a mistake and regret it, but if you keep on making it over and over then it is no longer a mistake...it is almost a pre-meditated slow and painful killing of the heart.
My first reaction over things now is shock, regardless of how many times I hear things I'm never prepared for the next blow. Immediately after that a numbing nauseating feeling in the bottom of my stomach starts to arise. They say the postman rings twice...and then not happy with have broken the chain (was it a really a chain?) trying to pretend that it isn't really the way he acted but just the circumstances (very archaic like the beast he is). He would, in a very pathetic attempt, clear his conscience, offered his half assed contradictory apologies that did nothing but worsen the situation. He broke my schemes, broke my peace, that one I had even if it was for just one night of restful, nightmareless sleep.
I wake up every morning and little by little realize that it's not too bad to lose a person that has no word.
I can take a low blow or two, some come in as easy as if hitting clay but you know what,some bounce against the unstable little mud barrier that I have been working hard at creating and is drying and getting harder every day.
And then he comes again tipping over my schemes and I feel like responding but I know for a fact that no matter what I say, he will perceive the hurt I carry.
I haven't forgotten him, but they say time heals everything. Now, I tighten my jaw and I contain myself so that I don't respond to the provocations of knowing him by her side.
So last night Karl showed up at our doorstep.... I didn't know if I should wake Annie up or just go out and tell him to go away. I decided to wake her up and she let him in. They were up talking most of the night so I didn't get a chance to talk to her until this morning. I go to find out this morning that he was coming from F.'s. great....
Annie didn't want to tell me if she was living with him already but apparently she is. God knows how those two are living, with the two kids in a one bedroom apartment. Anyways, that, thank God, is not my problem. Karl was pretty wasted last night so go figure...drinking on a Monday..lovely. better her than me dealing with his crap. They are perfect for each other, alcoholics and losers.
I cannot dwell on this shit anymore, he's not worth it. His mom told me yesterday that he had called asking her to give the bitch advise on how to discipline the kids and that she said no way. I had warned him about stepping into murky waters, but instead, he dove in head first. To hell with him. He has been the BIGGEST DISSAPOINTMENT IN MY LIFE.
On other news... I've told Annie that we should pack up and go to New York a few weekends from now like she had suggested earlier last month. I cannot wait. I'll keep you posted on my life.
Annie didn't want to tell me if she was living with him already but apparently she is. God knows how those two are living, with the two kids in a one bedroom apartment. Anyways, that, thank God, is not my problem. Karl was pretty wasted last night so go figure...drinking on a Monday..lovely. better her than me dealing with his crap. They are perfect for each other, alcoholics and losers.
I cannot dwell on this shit anymore, he's not worth it. His mom told me yesterday that he had called asking her to give the bitch advise on how to discipline the kids and that she said no way. I had warned him about stepping into murky waters, but instead, he dove in head first. To hell with him. He has been the BIGGEST DISSAPOINTMENT IN MY LIFE.
On other news... I've told Annie that we should pack up and go to New York a few weekends from now like she had suggested earlier last month. I cannot wait. I'll keep you posted on my life.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
One of my favorite songs of all times!
Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house
Though I know you're not at home
But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
Nobody on the road
Nobody on the beach
I feel it in the air
The summer's out of reach
Empty lake, empty streets
The sun goes down alone
I'm drivin' by your house
Though I know you're not at home
But I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I never will forget those nights
I wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how I made you scream
Now I don't understand what happened to our love
But babe, I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
Out on the road today, I saw a DEADHEAD sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice Inside my head said, "Don't look back. You can never look back."
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go but-
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that top pulled down and that radio on, baby
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
I can see you-
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the boys of summer have gone
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Hi! I'm back from a four day trip to Los Angeles. I had an awesome time!! I went to visit Alejandra and Simon , they live in Santa Monica, a few blocks away from the beach, a block or two away from the shops and close to everything nice. The trip was a great escape from all the bullshit that had been happening and it was also the first real vacation I've taken in a very long time. I had very good conversations with both of them, met Alejandra's best friend, went to China Town for Dim Sum, went to eat Sushi, shopped a little and cruised around in her bad ass Land Rover Discovery.
I didin't even think about F. and for the first time in ages, I didn't have nightmares. I think I'm on my way to forgetting him and moving on. I cannot wait till he's just a faded memory... him all the dirty people that caused me pain.
I got back to work this morning and as I had suspected, he had left me a voicemail at 1am last night. Saying hi and to please call him to the restaurant where he is working now. I don't know what he thinks this is, or how it makes sense in his head to just "check up on me". Doesn't he understand that what he has done in irreversible? Last I heard, he was moving in with her... What does he expect from me? Maybe he's just calling cuz it's the end of the month, and like he told me, he had always been with me out of convenience, so maybe he's just short on money and needs me to bail him out of trouble one more time. Fuck that! I'm done, never again will I let him take advantage of me.
I didin't even think about F. and for the first time in ages, I didn't have nightmares. I think I'm on my way to forgetting him and moving on. I cannot wait till he's just a faded memory... him all the dirty people that caused me pain.
I got back to work this morning and as I had suspected, he had left me a voicemail at 1am last night. Saying hi and to please call him to the restaurant where he is working now. I don't know what he thinks this is, or how it makes sense in his head to just "check up on me". Doesn't he understand that what he has done in irreversible? Last I heard, he was moving in with her... What does he expect from me? Maybe he's just calling cuz it's the end of the month, and like he told me, he had always been with me out of convenience, so maybe he's just short on money and needs me to bail him out of trouble one more time. Fuck that! I'm done, never again will I let him take advantage of me.
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
(Alanis Morissette)
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
(Alanis Morissette)
Friday, September 19, 2003
It was my dad's big 5-0 yesterday! I wish I could've been there to give him a big ole hug and kiss. I spoke to him, to my mama and to my sister Mariana. I miss them all so much. Mariana was telling me all about her trip to el Festival de la Cultura in Sucre. I went to it in 1999 with Anabel, Tico, Lopo, Franco and the twins. We stayed for a whole week (the festival is two weeks) and had a lot of fun. We went to plays, concerts, movies, museums... we sat all afternoon in the plaza drinking wine, reading, talking.. We would sleep in late, party at night. I met a whole bunch of cool ass people, hippies form all over the world, artists, poeple with the common interest in culture and arts. We went to poetry readings, saw Mercedes Sosa sing DE MI, a Charly Garcia song:
Cuando estes mal, cuando estes solo
cuando ya estes cansado de llorar
no te olvides de mi
porque se que te puedo estimular.
Cuando me mires a los ojos
y mi mirada este en otro lugar
no te acerques a mi
porque se que te puedo lastimar.
No piense que estoy solo
es solo una manera de actuar
no piense que estoy solo
estoy comunicado con todo lo demas.
Por eso
Cuando estés mal, cuando estés sola
cuando ya estés cansada de llorar
no te olvides de, mi
porque se que te puedo estimular."
She also sang the song from Pablo Milanes:
"El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Pasan los años y cómo cambia lo que yo siento,
lo que ayer era amor se va volviendo otro sentimiento.
Porque años atrás, tomar tu mano, robarte un beso,
sin forzar un momento, formaban parte de una verdad.
El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Vamos viviendo viendo las horas que van muriendo,
las mismas discusiones se van perdiendo entre las razones.
A todo dices que sÃ, a nada digo que no,
para poder construir la tremenda armonÃa que pone viejos los corazones.
Porque el tiempo pasa, nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer."
Good memories of times when I had no worries and my mind was being stimulated.
Cuando estes mal, cuando estes solo
cuando ya estes cansado de llorar
no te olvides de mi
porque se que te puedo estimular.
Cuando me mires a los ojos
y mi mirada este en otro lugar
no te acerques a mi
porque se que te puedo lastimar.
No piense que estoy solo
es solo una manera de actuar
no piense que estoy solo
estoy comunicado con todo lo demas.
Por eso
Cuando estés mal, cuando estés sola
cuando ya estés cansada de llorar
no te olvides de, mi
porque se que te puedo estimular."
She also sang the song from Pablo Milanes:
"El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Pasan los años y cómo cambia lo que yo siento,
lo que ayer era amor se va volviendo otro sentimiento.
Porque años atrás, tomar tu mano, robarte un beso,
sin forzar un momento, formaban parte de una verdad.
El tiempo pasa y nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer.
Y en cada conversación, cada beso, cada abrazo, se impone siempre un pedazo de razón.
Vamos viviendo viendo las horas que van muriendo,
las mismas discusiones se van perdiendo entre las razones.
A todo dices que sÃ, a nada digo que no,
para poder construir la tremenda armonÃa que pone viejos los corazones.
Porque el tiempo pasa, nos vamos poniendo viejos y el amor no lo reflejo como ayer."
Good memories of times when I had no worries and my mind was being stimulated.
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
I am:
Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.
What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
I had such a terrible day yesterday, I can't believe I made it through. Talk about a low blow. He told me she's moving in with him and he decided to share this with me while I was at work, in the middle of the day. Great guy... I told him that people get what they have coming to them. They're both cheaters, liars and alcoholics so I guess they deserve each other. While I plan my life ahead, on my own, enjoying my money and time, he'll be stuck with some white trash bitch, two kids that aren't his and the fact that they started a relationship by destroying others peoples lives.
So they will get what they have coming to them for sure.
I cannot even imagine them ever being in a social environment where they have to answer the question on how they met. "Oh yeah, we met while we were both married and we decided to cheat on our spouses". hahahahaha!! Beautiful! Lovely people.
They say what starts wrong end wrong so like my friend says: "leave it to the universe".
I will.
I'm filing for divorce as soon as I have the money and I really cannot wait till this is all over.
So they will get what they have coming to them for sure.
I cannot even imagine them ever being in a social environment where they have to answer the question on how they met. "Oh yeah, we met while we were both married and we decided to cheat on our spouses". hahahahaha!! Beautiful! Lovely people.
They say what starts wrong end wrong so like my friend says: "leave it to the universe".
I will.
I'm filing for divorce as soon as I have the money and I really cannot wait till this is all over.
Thursday, September 11, 2003
Reality TV is invading us! Every channel on the dial is playing a reality TV show, it's too much! I have to admit that I'm guilty of watching a whole bunch of them. How could you not? Us human beings are nosey by nature and it is perfect... you get to watch others' peoples lives, butt into their business and then on top of it laugh about what fools they are. Man! and a million dollars here, two over there, America choosing your husband, family members against each other, you name it...they have it. It's not productive but sure as hell damn entertaining. I don't think it's good for me to be watching all that shit on TV. From now on, I'll try to stick to movies and Oprah or something that doesn't make me want to die.
Anyways, Ispoke to my friend Andres last night, he sounded happy to hear from me and it was very nice to talk to him. I cannot wait til I see all of my friends, hopefully in December.
Anyways, Ispoke to my friend Andres last night, he sounded happy to hear from me and it was very nice to talk to him. I cannot wait til I see all of my friends, hopefully in December.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
Monday, September 08, 2003
I can't believe how bored I was this weekend. I really need to fix my car urgently. I watched a few movies, talked on the phone a lot and relaxed.
I'm goin to L.A. on the 26th!!! I'm so excited:) I'll let you know all about it when I get back. I think that some fresh air will do me good (not that L.A has fresh air, but you know what I mean:))
I've been talking to my sister a lot and it is so nice. I miss her a lot and I wish I wasn't so far away, I'm sure we would hang out a lot if I was closer. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm not gonna stay in Seattle for more than a year. I think that when my lease is over I will pick up and go. There really is no point in me staying here any longer than that.
F. and I are no longer together and we sure as hell won't be ever again. Annie has her own life and that is fine, she is hardly ever around and I understand, she and Karl are still together and of course I can't expect her to hang out with me all the time. It would be nice though if we did, because this is the moment when I least want to be alone and I would like to go out and do things, It's so much more fun to do things with someone else. But we are all adults and she has her life and I can't expect her to be there 24/7. But... I need to be around people and here I'm not finding that at all. I'll just stick it out for a year and then figure out what I do. I've been thinking of going back home a lot. I just wish the economy was better cause if that was the case, I wouldn't think about it twice. I have my family there, life is so much nicer, people know me since I was little, I have friends.
I don't want to feel so lonely. I know that it's the beginning and that things will get better but I just don't identify with the people here, at all. I don't want to spend my life in front of a TV and here, if you don't have money to go out and spend, then that is what you end up doing. I used to be a very social person, have a lot a friends, I hated TV and now... the opposite.
I miss my friend Andre, I wish she was here. I have to write about here here. she deserves a whole page!
I'm goin to L.A. on the 26th!!! I'm so excited:) I'll let you know all about it when I get back. I think that some fresh air will do me good (not that L.A has fresh air, but you know what I mean:))
I've been talking to my sister a lot and it is so nice. I miss her a lot and I wish I wasn't so far away, I'm sure we would hang out a lot if I was closer. I've been thinking a lot lately and I'm not gonna stay in Seattle for more than a year. I think that when my lease is over I will pick up and go. There really is no point in me staying here any longer than that.
F. and I are no longer together and we sure as hell won't be ever again. Annie has her own life and that is fine, she is hardly ever around and I understand, she and Karl are still together and of course I can't expect her to hang out with me all the time. It would be nice though if we did, because this is the moment when I least want to be alone and I would like to go out and do things, It's so much more fun to do things with someone else. But we are all adults and she has her life and I can't expect her to be there 24/7. But... I need to be around people and here I'm not finding that at all. I'll just stick it out for a year and then figure out what I do. I've been thinking of going back home a lot. I just wish the economy was better cause if that was the case, I wouldn't think about it twice. I have my family there, life is so much nicer, people know me since I was little, I have friends.
I don't want to feel so lonely. I know that it's the beginning and that things will get better but I just don't identify with the people here, at all. I don't want to spend my life in front of a TV and here, if you don't have money to go out and spend, then that is what you end up doing. I used to be a very social person, have a lot a friends, I hated TV and now... the opposite.
I miss my friend Andre, I wish she was here. I have to write about here here. she deserves a whole page!
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