Divorce Papers

Get back up on your feet
Get yourself down to the street
Can you feel it coming together
Better late than never
(Michael James Reich)

One of my resolutions for the year 2004 was to get my divorce. Today, December 31st, 2004, the last day of the year, we got together and signed them and they are ready to go. I guess better late than never...

Stepping off the porch
her heart now lighter
she comprehends
that home is where it has always been
Within.

Lo que forma mis dias
Son los pensamientos desordenados,
Las ideas con flojera,
Los fracasos a medio vivir
En esos bosques, no me importa perderme

10 things to 10 people in my life

1. You would say that you and I had been together in many past lives and that we had found each other again in this one. It’s too bad that it was short-lived. I would’ve loved to spend the rest of my life next to you, but it’s better this way. No matter what happens, know that I’ll always love you and you can count on me.
2. I wish you wouldn’t be so judgmental and such a poser. It’s almost unbearable to be around you and your messy thoughts.
3. I love you so much, you are a big part of my life. I hope nothing but the best for you and I hope that one day you realize that you don’t need to settle for anything just for the sake of not being alone. I will miss you!
4. You must stop doing what you’re doing. It’s not healthy. I hope that you wake up one day and realize that people will only be able to help you when you are open for it.
5. You are the most interesting person I’ve met since I’ve been in Seattle. You are so talented, smart, empathetic and funny, among many other things. I miss hanging out with you and I hope that when I’m gone, you and I stay in touch. The day that you find what you are looking for, it will be winning lottery for her. I wish nothing but the best for you.
6. You are a low life. I have no words for you. I hope that you can’t sleep some nights thinking about you did.
7. I miss you! I think about you often and I look forward to the day when I see you again. I wish you hadn’t been so quick to label things the last times we saw each other, I was just having fun and learning about life. I hope that things in your life are going well and that you found what you were looking for. I will always think of you and smile.
8. Yes. It is so true. We were never friends. Good riddance.
9. Thanks for all the good advise and for knowing what I meant just from looking at me. Thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. If you were 20 years younger, I would so pursue you.
10. Thank you so much for being there for me, at the precise moment I needed you. I will never forget you, the fact that you listened to me and that you let me borrow your shoes.

New York

Wednesday: We arrived at 10:30 am and took the bus to Queens. We said hit o A. uncle, dropped off our bags and headed to the subway station. We stopped for a slice of pizza and headed downtown. J. was so tired that we had to stop and go watch a movie so that he could rest for a bit. We then walked around the Village for a few hours, shopping a little and taking it all in. We then walked to meet up with J.’s friends for dinner. We meet Travis, Fernando and Emily. We then walked for many, many blocks, through Soho, Little Italy and Chinatown until we found the place that Emily recommended for dumplings. We had dinner and then took the subway to Rockefeller Center. The place was amazing! The Christmas decorations and the people ice-skating were out of a movie. We took pictures and then headed to Park Avenue, we walked and walked and walked some more. We crossed the street into Central Park and then, dead tired, took the subway back to Queens.

Thursday: We woke up late and lazied around for a while. It was raining and we were very tired from all the walking we had done the day before so we decided to kind of take it easy that day. We headed to the shops in Queens were I separeated from them to go buy myself a pair or tennis shoes. On my way back to the house, I stopped and got a pedicure! I met Monica that night, very strange and surreal.
Friday: We woke up late again and decided that we were going to go see the art galleries in Chelsea. We took the subway downtown and started walking in the direction we thought was right. Wrong!! We had to take a cab there because it was late and raining. We went into an art exhibition that was showing art from the late 70s-early 80’s. Pretty amazing stuff. I got in an argument with J. because he can be fucking rude sometimes so I decided to skip dinner and the party that we were supposed to go to. Instead, I took a cab to Times Square. Wow! I got there and I couldn’t believe it! I was bummed that I didn’t have my camera with me but I walked around taking it all in. I went to dinner by myself, where I met a really cute waiter. After that, I walked around, looked at the shops and finally found the subway.

Saturday and Sunday: We woke up late, one again…We packed because we were leaving at 4:30 in the morning on Sunday. It was a pretty stressful morning because we couldn’t find any of our stuff, but we finally got it together. W took Lauren with us downtown. We got off in the World Trade Center stop. I had never seen the Twin Towers, so it was hard for me to grasp the concept of how huge they were, but given the hole in the ground, they must’ve been enormous. It was sad for me to be there and imagine of the people that lost their lives there.
After that, we went into a store that was packed and everyone got annoyed so we then took the subway to Macy’s. We met up with Fernando, Travis, Chii and Elizabeth, A.’s other niece. We went into a few stores and then took the subway to Little Italy. We had a really nice dinner and then headed to Times Square. Annie and I got into a little argument but we talked it through. We went into Virgin Records, where I bought the last U2 CD. Yay! We hen took pictures and walked to find the David Letterman Show. We took some more pictures, lie the idiots that we are. We had a cup of coffee and by then it was almost 3 in the morning so we said goodbye to J.’s friends and headed back to Queens so that the girls could sleep and we could pick up our luggage and head to the airport. We got to the airport feeling so damn tired, but happy that we had stayed up and enjoyed the city until the last minute. We caught out plane into Detroit where we were received by a snowstorm. We then headed to Seattle, the northern route, through Canada because of the weather. I passed out immediately and then woke up to the most amazing view of snowed mountains and frozen rivers. We finally made it to Seattle at around noon and home. Ahhhhh, home sweet home.

Friday

I just got home from work and running and errand. I walked in, got into my favorite pajamas, my Christmasy pajamas. Now I'm gonna work on this page to see if I can make it look better. I decided to go back to a regular blogger template because, since I'm not very familiar with html yet, all of my attempts looked good for a few days and then I would have broken links, or my pictures would disappear. I think I'll just keep it simple this time around but I definitely want to change the colors and the fonts.
A while ago, I had decided that I would write on this page at least once a day and I haven't been doing that. I want to start doing that from now on and see what happens. I think I'll go cut my hair now.

Start spreading the news

... I'm leaving on Wednesday to New York!!! I'm so freaking excited, I cannot even begin to tell you. Joel, Annie and I are going on a 5 day extravaganza to check out the big city. I have so many things I want to go see and I have a feeling I won't want to come back. So... if you don't hear back from me, you know where to find me. Not that anyone reads this hehehe.

Update

Un monton de cosas han pasado desde la ultima vez que escribi aca.

• J. Esta internado.
• Decidi quedarme un tiempo mas
• Bush gano las elecciones (grr)
• Mi auto se jodio
• Ch. y yo ya no hablamos a partir de hoydia
• F. vino a mi casa y vimos una pelicula, como en los viejos tiempos, despues se fue y no he vuelto a saber de el.

Nada bueno ultimamente. Perdon el bajon

Tapas

I just got back from having the best tapas ever! Annie, Joel and I went to Harvest Vine to celebrate Annie's 30th birthday. We had everything in the menu and it was all excellent. Now I'm alone downstairs smoking a cigarette and listening to some songs that Charly told me to download. It has been a very good day all in all.

Bleh

I just talked to my brothers J an B and sister M.. I miss them so much! I also talked to my friend Isabel and she told me she coming up in January or February and I can't wait. I aslo tried calling my fried Carlos Enrique to talk to him becuase him and his wife recently lost their twins at birth. I am so sad for them, it's just not right.
So it's the weekend again and again I'm here alone. I wish that time could fly.

Yeah you

You call me up, telling me you want to see me, you write telling me you miss me, you make plans, tell me to trust you, that you would call or show up. Well, like always(who knows why?) I beleived you and it sucks that you think that you can still act that way with me. Well let me tell you something, I don't want to play games, I never did and I don't want to start now. I can never count on you. You are the one that is supposed to be trying, you arethe one that needs to put the most effort, becuase YOU fucked up. So I don't know what makes you think you can call me up and make plans with me to later on basically shit on it. Remember.. YOU are the one that told me you wanted to see me. If you cannot even get around to keeping a promise as simple as picking up the damn phone or, god forbid, be trustworhy, then what makes youthink you I'd ever venture into getting back with you. I'm very fucking pist. With that said, I don't think you and I should see each other again. I'm moving away in May, and this time is forreal, it's time for me to move on with my life and put you behind.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new mania.
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mindfuck America.
(Green Day)

I remember when I was young I used to hate watching TV. I would rather be playing, or eavesdropping my parents conversation or bothering someone in the kitchen. Now a days, most of the times, I get home, shower, eat something and then park my ass in front of the TV. As I’m doing this, I think about 40 times that it’s not good, that I already spend most of my day sitting down at work in front of a screen. It can’t be healthy to get home and do the same, my ass will only get fatter and my muscles will turn into jelly. Bottom line, I have a severe case of the lazies and it just ain’t cutting it. Therefore, this weekend I pronounce it "Fuck TV" weekend. So there.

greasy lunch

I just came back from lunch. I decided to not be lame and take the bus down to the Pike Place Market, specifically to Johnny Rockets for a burger. I haven’t had one since highschool and I remembered how much i used to like them, so I thought, what the hell. Well, 8 bucks and a greasy burger (no fries!) later, I’ve decided that it was not worth it, it was nasty and expensive.

Anyways.

Moving on to bigger and better things…
It’s almost the weekend! Yay!! I think I have plans for Saturday afternoon, but they won’t be confirmed till later on today after he calls me. I made a list of the things I need to ask him and discuss with him because I noticed yesterday that when he calls I forget everything I need to say.

Early in the morning, risin' to the street
Light me up that cigarette and I strap shoes on my feet
Got to find a reason, a reason things went wrong
Got to find a reason why my money's all gone
(Sublime)

Y asi pasan los dias.

what to do, what to do...

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
(Bernard Berenson)

Ok. So here I find myself again in a position similar to last year around the same time of year. I really need to make up my mind about a few things and do them already. I need some extra money to do this and I need to figure out how i'm going to get it, so if you have any ideas, please shoot them my way. Regarding Fran, well, who knows what will happen. He makes me mad!
As per this damn cold weather, well with me , I guess it really all depends on the weather. This past weekend was crazy, fights, boredom, movies, bad food, discovery of an unwanted visitor, feeling good about taking steps to bettering my situation, conversations, phone calls and not much more.
Pretty lame entry, but that's my mood right now...

Goodbye Diego

Another world where the birds always sing
Another world where the sun always shines
Another world where nothing ever dies...
(The Cure)

I got a call from my friend Silvana yesterday to tell me that my friend Diego Bravo had been killed. It was such a sad, very sad shocking moment. Apparently, someone broke into his house to rob it and hit him in the head with a bat. His girlfriend and him were sleeping. This happened Friday night and he died Saturday morning. My heart goes out to his family and his girlfriend. I will miss him and remember him always.

Vote

Everytime I hear about the beheadings that are going on in Iraq, my heart contracts in pain. I cannot imagine the pain that the victims’s families go through. This all needs to stop, the killings, the war, the pain… I’m a U.S resident, therefore I cannot vote, but I ask of all of you who can, to please do so.

Tuesday night is party time

We all went out last night. We went to Chopstix, the dueling piano bar in my neighborhood where we had a few drinks, ate dinner and prayed so that the singers wouldn’t target us and make us go up on stage. It was a lot of fun. After that we went to Capitol Hill because Maribel wanted to go the one of the gay bars there, Wild Rose or something like that. We had a really good time there trying to encourage Maribel to go talk to the girl she liked. She eventually did but it was almost too late because the girl was out the door. At around 1:30 am we crossed the street and went to Barça, had an interesting conversation and then got kicked out because the bar was closing. I went home and feel a sleep immediately Ohh how I loved my bed ... Last night was fun!

It’s Wednesday morning now and I’m at work hungover but ok. I think I’ll go have some eggs now, see ya later.

143

In your room
Where souls disappear
Only you exist here
Will you lead me to your armchair
Or leave me lying here
Your favorite innocence
Your favorite prize
Your favorite smile
Your favorite slave
(In Your Room – Depeche Mode)

I remember the first time we moved in together. It was years ago, when we were both 18 years old and very much in love. We had been dating for a year when I decided to move to L.A. to do… God knows what…the thing is that I had moved away and left him. His heart was broken, I couldn’t stop thinking about him and it was, altogether, a miserable situation. We wrote to each other every single day of the six months that I was there, beautiful love letters, some even written in blood (I know, I know, we were kids!). We called each other every night and swore that when I got back, we would get married and love each other forever. I finally got back, moved in with him amd made love every day and every night. We would stay in bed days on end in the little room he had in that little house by the airport. Whenever we weren’t in the room, we would watch Sienfeld or walk to the corner store for ice cream or soda. We would walk past the pink house that was number 143 and tell each other that one day we would buy that house and our children would grow up there. God, we were so young and naïve! We had no money, we weren’t working and our families were concerned about us.

Eventually, we had to separate. He left to Virginia to live with his mom, I went back to Argentina to live with my parents but we always kept in touch, we always told each other that we would be together again someday. Years passed, many things happened… The day did come. We did find each other again and we got married, very much in love. In bed, years later, we would reminisce about the days spent in the little room and wondered if the pink house of love would someday be ours.

Me, Myself and I

This weekend was a very relaxing one. At moments, too damn relaxing. I was supposed to go to Vancouver with Annie , Joel, Maribel and Pablo but ended up not going. They left Friday at noon and I was supposed to drive up there and meet up with them. I thought about it and considered my options. The drive up there by myself would’ve been nice, the city, a little time off, the company, they all sounded awesome… but I can’t spend any money for a while, so I decided to hang out by myself. I did, I watched TV, took my car to get washed, I cooked for myself what I wanted, I drove up north on Saturday to a casino, where I played for a little bit, lost 20 bucks and left. On Sunday I woke up at 11:30 am, made lunch and hung out at home. I did a little bit of beading, and waited for Tania y call me. Edgar, my dad’s lawyer sent some peppers for this Bolivian couple that lives here in Seattle. So I waited for them to come over, but they called me to tell me they were stuck in traffic downtown, so I decided to go meet up with them by the Key Arena. Really nice people. I came home and had dinner and read a little, talked on the phone and watched TV until it was bed time. Really nice weekend, all to myself. I’ve been doing some thinking about my purpose here and the reasons why I’m still living here and I’ve made up my mind on certain things. I won’t discuss them here yet, but I will soon let you guys know what’s going on.
So it’s Monday, I’m listening to an old Power 96 tape from back in the day… give it up for booty music!!

On Bush and other things

So Maribel, Annie's childhood friend, and her boyfriend Pablo are in town visiting for a few days. It's gonna be fun to hang out with them. They are going to be leaving to Vancouver tomorrow morning and I'll be meeting up with them tomorrow night. This weekend will be lots of fun! Wohooo!
So I watched the presidential debate last night and even though I'm not a political person, nor do I want to talk about politics here, I must say that I hope the polls are right. The madness needs to stop and the inept jackass needs to be gone. I'm a resident in the U.S., therefore I can't vote, but if I could, there is no way in hell I wouldn't. it would be irresponsible of me not to. Therfore, let me sound like P.Diddy and VOTE.
On other news, my dad is doing better. I spoke to him today and he is recovering, slowly, but surely. I'm glad I was able to be there for the surgery and so relieved that it all went as planned.
I am very thankful for my family, friends and coworkers support throughout the whole ordeal. They were unbelievably awesome.

Papacito

Last night I watched 21 Grams with Sean Penn and Benicio del Toro. It was an excellent movie. My roomate didn’t think so but I thought it was great, so crude and not sugar coated, very back and forth (in lack of the right terminology). Plus, Benicio del Toro is one fine motherfucker. Mmmm. Holy shit, not even when I was in highscool did I drool over somone on TV.

Past

I hate the fact that I sometimes live in the past. I need to stop that now. I tend to spend my days reminiscing about the good times I had and forget that today is here and that if I keep on doing this, I will live my life caring about the wrong people because I don't give new people and opportunities a chance. I'll start with the small things, as of today, the people that are blocked in my MSN list will remain blocked and that is it. Pheew..

Office space moment

There is this asshole in my office, we’ll call him Mr. Jackass. He is three feet away from me talking to one of the directors telling him a story about a game he played in a casino with fake money. He is explaining, in painful detail, what the game consists on like if it was the real deal betting. He is saying that he won up to 4 million dollars and that whew, he made a bad choice and lost it all, therefore he will never come across that much money. He is going on and on (loudly, I might add) about what he would do with that much money if he ever had it. It was fake money dude! You will never have it to take that rip to Spain you are talking about! You are too damn stupid and lazy and ridiculous. Oh, oh…his last comment (the director is slowly walking away while Mr. Jackass still flaps his lips) "Some people were born to be investors, and some of us like to have fun" Snerk, snerk…. God, what an idiot. This is the same guy that when we had out company meeting went and napped in a bench for the entire event. He just aggravates me. Grrr. Sorry, had to vent.

Trying new look...

shoop shoop

I'm listening to old music thanks to my DJ friend in Argentina. I've had a really relaxing weekend. It's been a week since I got back form my trip and even though I came back to a few messes, all in all, things are OK.
I really need to get this blog fixed. I don't like how it looks now and it has a lot of imperfections. Maybe I'll dedicate the rest of my evening to giving my page a face lift. Expect something different next time you come back.

Francis

Yesterday F. and I got together. He picked me up at around 4:30 and we went to my neighborhood bar for a beer. We talked and talked and talked some more. He said that he loves me and that he msses me and that he wants to get back together. I told him that it would tak a miracle for that to happen beucase the trust is gone. It was bitter sweet, it was what I've been waitng for but at the same time dreaded. I still love him, I do but I don't see us getting back together. Damn, why does life have to be so complicated?

Surprise surprise, it’s you again
When will you learn little one
That when it comes to the that
You better stir clear from me

You now will spin
spit and kick
Someday when you look back
You will realize
That you were wrong And I was right

Back to the salt mines

Volvi despues de mucho tiempo. Tuve que irme de viaje de emergencia a ver a mi papa ya que lo operaron del corazon, triple bypass a corazon abierto. Estuve en mi casa, con mi familia despues de cuatro años. La operacion salio bien y ya se esta recuperando. Fue tan lindo ser hija nuevamente, poder estar ahi y saber que va a estar bien. Comparti con mi mama, con mis hermanos y vi a todos mis amigos. La ultima semana que estuve alla, ya despues de saber que mi papa iba a estar bien, sali y la pase increible. Pronto veran las fotos. Estoy nuevamente en Seattle y continuare escribiendo en esta pagina asi que no cambien de canal.

Song from the past

Unexpected Lovers
(LIME)

How can there be no love
No feeling of passion too
The way we were dancin' love
How could it be I'm through

We spend the night together
Until the morning light
Baby do you remember
The music in our eyes

Such an enchanting evening
A lovers romantic night
The moon and stars are leavin'
The sea was glowing bright

We were unexpected lovers
Not just ordinary lovers
Sharing unexpected lover
My true love

We love like no other lovers
like no other lovers do
The way we kissed each other
And help each other too

When will we ever love again
And share another night
Should we ever meet again
To love each other right

for you...

Sad eyes

Ayer alguien me dijo que tengo la mirada triste, que ya no soy la misma. Eso me puso la mirada triste.

Charly

Charly is my exboyfriend of three years. He lives in Argentina and loves music. I dated him in 1995 until 1998 and the way that man loved me, no one has ever loved me. Him and I were a team, we were together every minute of everyday. He used to hold my hand when we walked down the street and used to make love to me every night no matter how tired he was. He played excellent music for me and used to tell me "te amo" at least 8 times a day. He wanted me to have his babies and wanted to make me his wife. Charly was handsome and a good man. He was a bit possessive and jealous but he treated me like no other. I miss him.

We have been talking lately and so many memories have been flooding my mind, like the times when we used to sleep in my tiny bed in my tiny room in my house in Buenos Aires. The many times we sat out in the cold at 4 in the morning waiting for the bus. All the weekends at his house, lying in bed, making love and listening to Lime. Like the time when he came out of the subway after a big fight the night before and he just hugged me and told me "let’s forget about everything, I just want to love you". Or the time when walking down Rivadavia we both looked at the mirror above us and he told me " estamos tan enamorados". I remember all the nights spent at our local café, smoking cigarettes and telling each other everything in our pasts. So many good memories. I regret having had hurt him.

Dad

My dad had a heart attack a few days ago. It has been hell just thinking about how far away I am right now and how I can’t give him a hug and tell him it’s all going to be alright. He’s in the hospital in Trinidad and according to the doctor, he’s going to be o.k. I am very worried though. I love him so much, he’s the one person that I admire the most. Please send good thoughts his way.

Circus

Friday night I went to the circus. It was a community circus called the Cirque de Flambe because of its focus on fire. It was awesome! We had so much fun and I can’t wait till Joel forwards me the pictures since I forgot my camera. The rest of my weekend was so quiet. I decided to stay home and that is exactly what I did. I spoke to my friend D. Lorena in Spain, my friend Silvana in Miami and caught up a little bit on my reading and laundry. All in all, a pretty domestic, quiet weekend. Next weekend will be crazy!

Ball and Chain

I stayed in last night. In the silence of my home and the wee hours of the morning, I painted this.

My Weekend

My Weekend

Friday: I went to work, finished up a few things I had pending and the day flew by. I got out and we all had dinner at my house since it was Julie's last day in Seattle and them we drove her to the airport at around 8. There was such a horrible traffic jam that we didn't get back into the city until 10:30. We all went to sleep pretty early since we were going camping the next morning.

Saturday: We woke up late (go figure), we lazed around the house until 1pm and then we headed out. The original plan was Joel, Annie and I were gonna go camping to the Cascade Mountains but at last moment we changed plans and decided to go stay at his house in Wenatchee (it was his grandmother's house, but she passed away last year). The drive out there was really nice, we took Highway 2 all the way, which is the most scenic route ever. With a little help from our friendly buddah, we had a really good time. We arrived in Wenatchee, unloaded the car, looked around the house, turned on the water, heater and such and went out for a ride looking for a park that Annie knew from previous day trips to the area. We found it, we sat around, talked, took funny pictures and headed back home. The area is full of orchards so it smells really nice, but on our way back there were so many bugs, the whole Jeep was loaded with them. We went to the store to buy a few necessities and went home to get dressed to go meet Joel's friends at the bar. We han a few drinks at this really nice bar that overlooks the entire town and laughed at all the fools that were dancing. We had bought "Lost in Translation" before going there so when we got home, they made dinner and we got comfortable to watch the movie. Joel was being funny, he was pretty gone, I must say :)

Sunday: We woke up late (again) and went out for breakfast. There was a little incident were we all got in a bad mood and didn't enjoy breakfast at all. After that, everything was fine so we went home, picked up and headed out. Joel told us about a route that gets us back into Seattle through a very rocky path which takes about three hours so we decided we'd go for it. We first stopped at an Antique store where we got a little carried away and spent like 2 hours there, but it was fine because I found some miniature books for my miniature bookcase. We finally started heading back through the road he told us. Let me tell you something, craziest ride ever. It was so damn dangerous, there were moments were I felt " O.K. , I guess this is how I'm gonna go". There really is no road, you are climbing up high mountains through paths full of rocks and cliffs that if you look make you dizzy. We made it out fine, except for a stupid bee stinging me in my leg. Annie drove all the way until we got to Ellensburg and then I took over. They fell asleep, which was fine with me because I was really enjoying the silence. I literally flew to Seattle. We got home, showered and went to bed. All in all, a great weekend.

Monday: I didn't go to work. I woke up early, cleaned the house and checked my e-mail. I watched T.V. and then called Scott to see if he wanted to do lunch and maybe a movie. I picked him up, we had sushi in Ballard and then went to The Majestic (my favorite theatre in town) and watched "Collateral". The movie was O.K., a little slow for my taste, but worth watching a salt and pepper Tom Cruise. I came home, an hour later Joel and Annie came and we all went to Joel's house to cook dinner. My plan was to to spend my evening painting but since they insisted I go, I took my canvases to his house and he set everything up for me (he's sweet like that). Annie made dinner and I painted. I got a little frustrated at first but towards the end I was happy with how it was coming along. It?s not even close to being done but it's starting to shape up. We ate dinner and went for a little walk. At around 11:30, Annie and I headed home. Pasamos por la casa de K. y no lo vimos. Queriamos ver si estaba su auto pero nada asi que vinimos a casa y al rato volvimos a ir. Esperamos un rato y tal cual era esperado, salio de su casa con la novia. La vimos bien de cerca porque ella, con la amiga, pararon en la gasolinera y la llegamos a ver. Me senti muy mal por Annie porque se que aunque ella diga que no le importa, eso duele. We came home and went to sleep.

Trail view of Diablo Lake

Diablo Lake, Washington

Beautiful drive to the mountains. It takes about two and a half hours to get there from Seattle through the Cascade Mountains but it is so worth it. We go camping there a few times a year and the view will always leave me in awe, This time around,it was just a day trip but it was just perfect, sunny and not a cloud in sight. When I go there, I feel like if I could stay forever and times like those make me fall in love with the Pacific Northwest. Here is a little picture of Diablo Lake but to be honest, it does it's magic no justice. I was able to take a walk trough a trails and take pictures, read my book in a place that seems like if it was made for fairies and elves.

Tu conmigo

Efimeros instantes de la vida
Que van dejando huellas
Tan cortos y dulces
Tan vivos y locos
tan llenos de ti

Los años vividos han sido
Nada mas que un preludio
Al anuncio definitivo de
Que en realidad nunca fuiste mio

Tu conmigo y yo siempre sin ti

Ayer comprendi, mirandonos inmobiles
Que mi vida contigo y sin ti esta llena de vacios
Que los momentos compratidos
En la larga espera de la nada
Eran lo poco y lo unico que quedaria de ti en mi.

What have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
(NIN)

Y me duele saber que yo tambien fracase. Y ahora comprendo muchas cosas, hoy mucho mas que ayer.

I am Stupid

I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid.

And them I wonder why things happen to me… I’m fucking stupid, that is why.

There used to be a very pathetic post here. After some thought, and after opening my page and getting mad at it every time, I decided to erase it. So there.

Worst day ever

Out of life's school of war:
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche, The Twilight of the Idols (1899)

When I was 21 years old I was going to school in Bolivia. I had chosen my career very carefully and I was happy about my selection. I was doing good, my grades were actually excellent. I was very lucky to have the classmates I had, we built a strong bond that still ties us today even though most of us are spread in different parts of the world. I had a carefree effortless life, until that Saturday came. I had let my brother J. use my car and he had dropped me off at the University (I had a film class on Saturdays). When I came out to wait for him I was very surprised he wasn’t there so immediately I got worried and called home. My sister picked up the phone and gave me the news. My blood went cold, my head started spinning, the noise in the street all of a sudden disappeared and in replacement all I could hear was my little sister’s scared, grave, adult-like voice giving me the news we had feared for 10 years. I hung up and started walking. I knew where my mom was and I knew I had to get there before she got on that plane. I took a cab to the airport and waited. I guess I had gotten there very quickly because nobody in my family was there yet. I remember having this need to talk to somebody and I called my friend Anabel. She told me to calm down, that everything was going to be all right and if I wanted her to come meet me. I said no, and that’s when I saw my mom pull up. She was pale, she had a panic-resigned look in her face. We hardly said two words and she got on the plane. I wished then that I could’ve gone with her but her friend had gotten her the only ticket left, it was a full flight. I went to the counter to buy a ticket for a later time but my grandmother told me to just stay put, that my brothers and sister needed me. God, I wish I could’ve gone…my poor mother. I went home and was so restless, my brothers were laying in my bed quietly, nobody was saying a word that day. The day progressed with us waiting by the phone to get news but nothing came until later on. I decided I need to go so I got in my car and went for a ride. I ended up at Anabel’s house where we sat smoked cigarettes, I talked and she listened.
I had made plans a few weeks earlier to get together with two of my professors that were going to help me with a project I had to present for a final grade in school. The only day they had available was that day, if not I wasn’t going to be able to present my project. Milton, my friend was supposed to come over as well. Milton and I went to pick my professors up from downtown. When we were heading to my house, I stopped at a red light and since I had my eyes full of tears, I thought that maybe, it was a good idea to let everyone in the car know what was happening to my family that day, and that all I wanted was to drop everyone off and head to my house and not deal with anything. I was sure they would understand. I just couldn’t do it that day. As soon as I start telling them, an asshole comes from behind in his big SUV and crashed me really, really hard. The entire back of my car was destroyed, I busted out in tears because I couldn’t believe the magnitude of my day. I cried and I finally let it all out, the entire day’s events came crashing down. Thankfully my professors took care of everything, making sure that the guy that crashed into me wouldn’t leave (he was completely drunk and had fallen asleep behind the wheel) and handled everything for me because I was in shock. I’m normally the type of person that faced with circumstances that require immediate action, don’t panic. That day was different. It was just too much. We ended up at the police station (that’s how things work in my country) and since I requested a D.U.I. for him he requested one for me (I wish I would’ve been drunk, to kick his ass good and proper). He was acting like such a jerk because I had my Florida’s license instead of a Bolivian license, he was practically incoherent but still causing a lot of trouble and driving me insane.
At around 2 in the morning the whole thing was settled. I went home and found my brothers right where I had left them. I felt so terrible (still do) for adding insult to injury, even though it was an accident.
I finally was able to speak to my mom the next day and she gave us more information in what had happened, It was not good.
It’s been 5 years since then and thankfully the nightmare is over.

(I’m sorry I can’t share the details.. it’s just very personal. this post is just for me).

Blackout

Don´t it always seem to go
That you don´t know what you got ´til it´s gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
(Counting Crows)

When I was 15 years old, my friend Francine and I decided that we would not do anything for a year. I had finished my school year and has convinced my parents to let me move to Miami to do my high school years, and because the beginning and ending of the school year differ here and there, I had about 8 months of no school. I was also ahead one year so I decided to take the entire year off and start school late in Miami. For some crazy reason my parents let me.

Francine decided to quit school altogether and her parents, since they had a lot of money, let her do whatever she wanted.  Anyways, we had no responsibilities or curfew, plus we were in Buenos Aires, where kids at a young age go out till the wee hours or not come home at all.

We started to go to this club called "Blackout" and we met a big group of guys that were habitués. Mariano, Fernando, Cuca, Sebastian, Hernan, Harty, Leandro, Walter and a few more, which names unfortunately have left my memory. We would go every Friday and Saturday to the matinee and instead of going home at 1am, which was the time it ended, we would go out to the corner bar, have a few gancias and go back to the club at around 3a.m till 7 or 8 am. We got to know most of the people there. I feel in lust with Mariano, he was older than me but cute as can be. Francine hooked up with Fernando. Every weekend, we would meet up with them at the club, go upstairs to "los reservados" and make out. It was so much fun! The Dj’s name was Felix and he would play the songs that we requested, he even made a tape with all of my favorite songs for me. We danced and smoked cigarettes and drank vodka. At the end of the night, we would dance to the slow songs, ,kicking  away the bottles left on the floor. When the morning came, we would go have facturas for breakfast or walk a few blocks to the churros factory. Then we would walk about 30 blocks to Francine’s house or my house, dissect the night and fall asleep till 5 or 6pm. Wake up--- rinse and repeat.

We did this for almost a year. During the week we would get together with all of the guys and hang out in Gaona y Carranza y Jonte y Avellaneda.

One day, without notice or warning, Blackout closed down and it was a sad, sad day. We started going to other places, we had fun but never like the Blackout days. Two years later, I went back to Argentina and Francine and I took a walk past our old stomping grounds and we carved our names into the metal boards that covered what used to be our home away from home.

First Time

Give it up, do as I say
Give it up and let me have my way
I'll give you love, I'll hit you like a truck
I'll give you love, I'll teach you how to...
(Madonna- Erotica)

Les contare de la primera vez que hice el amor. Era el 22 de Julio de 1994, dia de mi cumpleaños numero 18. S. y yo nos conocemos desde que somos chicos pero como el era mayor que yo, nunca lo vi de esa manera. Es mas, habiamos dormido en la misma cama muchismas veces ya que el es mi "primo". Ya! No se asusten! No es mi primo de verdad, solamente de nombre porque mis padres y sus padres son amigos desde la infancia tambien . Estabamos en Miami, pleno verano, Francine me habia venido a visitar de Buenos Aires y termino quedandose por 6 meses. Yo le presente a Ray y ellos se pusieron de novios inmediatamente. Estabamos S., Ray, Francine y yo mirando un partido de football en el departamentito de Ray en Coral Gables. A medio tiempo del partido Francine y Ray se fueron a la habitacion. Yo estaba tomando agua de cuando de pronto me meto un hielo a la boca y S. se da la vuelta para preguntarme algo. Yo le digo con la boca llena "hieeeooo eeeeberaaaaa" (traduccion: "hielo, espera") agarra y me dice "espera que te ayudo" y se viene encima mio y me da un beso de aquellos. Yo quede helada… Me tomo tan de sorpresa que no supe que decir. Pero como he dicho anteriormente aca, yo era una pendeja de lo mas perra (en el mejor sentido de la palabra…). Me empezo a besar y besar y besar y yo agarre viaje.
Yo tenia que irme a mi casa pero termine quedandome hasta como las cinco de la mañana. Pero esperen, falta lo mas importante. Abrimos en sofa cama y nos pusimos a ver una pelicula. Estabamos acostados, yo en shorts y sosten y el completamente desnudo. Empezamos a jugar y a tocarnos, me hacia gozar tan rico…Despues de largo rato se acosto encima mio, me abrio de piernas, me beso y me hizo el amor. Lo hicimos tantas veces esa noche que quede deshecha, a las cinco de la manana nos bañamos y me llevo a mi casa.
Como mis padres le tenian confianza, no me castigaron cuando llegue (estaban despiertos esperandome!) Entro conmigo, desayunamos todos juntos dandonos miradas complices y furtivas, una que otra mano por debajo de la mesa J Por una u otra circunstancia, el termino mudanse a mi casa (keep in mind that he is my cousin supposedly). Continuamos haciendolo donde sea, mis padres se iban los fines de semana a Mexico o a Buenos Aires y yo quedaba sola en casa a cuidado de el. Si supieran cuanto me cuidaba…
Sorry Mom and Dad. I was a very bad girl ;o)

Dreams

And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
(Mad World- Gary Jules)

I can still remember dreams I’ve had a child and normally my dreams are very vivid, colorful and sometimes full of senses. I like to think of my dream state as my alternative life, a suspended place and space where I get to experience things that expose me to situations I wish would happen or are afraid of, re-unite me with people and places from my past. My wish for all of you is to remember your dreams and when you wake up from them, take a few seconds to re-live them.

Date With Myself

Yesterday I decided that I would spend they day enjoying the company of me. I had lunch at the Pozzi’s, hung out for a little bit and then decided to take off. I went to the mall, bought myself three sweaters and then browsed around to see what was new. I then headed to Ballard to catch a movie at The Majestic, my favorite movie theater but they were having a street fair and I couldn’t find parking so I headed downtown. I parked my car and walked to the first theater that I knew of and they weren’t showing any good movies so I walked to the other one, a few blocks away. Nothing there either. I was going to head to the University district but figured, what the hell, I’m already here, might as well watch on eof the ones that are being shown here. I got myself a big cup of coffee and decided to walk back to the first theater and bought my ticket to watch "The Notebook". Let me add that I had NEVER been to the movies by myself, but from now on, I will do it more often. The movie was so romantic, so beautiful. It had a "love can last a lifetime" feel to it.
I went home, it was empty and quiet and perfect. I changes into my PJs and smoked a cigarette in the dark while thinking about my life and how I ended up where I’m at right now. I thought and though some more and then, with a smile on face, I told myself "you are where you should be right now".

A Little Background

In 1998, I had moved from Argentina back to Bolivia after 12 years of not being in my country except for two visits to my grandparents. I got there in the middle of Carnaval, on the first day of the actual event. Man, I alomst got mad at my parents for having "deprived" me of such fun times. My brothers and sister had already been back for a few months. I stayed in Buenos Aires becaues I was still working and mainly, becuase of Charly, my exboyfriend of three years. I broke up with him and quit my job (details on those two things will be a few posts long) and decided to move back home.
The first night that I arrived in Cochabamba, my brother Jorge and his friends took me out to a party. I saw so many people who I had grown up with, went to school with, old neighbors, it was insane! We ended up going to a club a dancing the entire night. The whole weekend was amazing. I wasn't sure if I was gonna stay in Bolivia for long or head back to Buenos Aires to get back with my boyfriend or what. Now that I think about it, I was only 19 years old and didn't know a damn thing about being on my own. Charly was 30 years old and wanted to get married and start a family. I know now, that it would've been a distaster. Instead, I stayed in Bolivia, signed up for college and got myself a part time job at my elementary school as a pre-kinder teacher assistant. I lived in Bolivia since I was born until I was 12 (interim of moving between Argentina,Miami, Los Angeles and then back to Argentina for 4 years) and then back on Bolivia for 3 years. Then I got married at 23 to the boy that was my boyfriend when I lived in Miami. He came to visit me to and we got married. We then moved to Virginia, then to Miami, then back to Virginia, then finally to Seattle. Whew... that was long. I will elaborate on my stays in all these places.

Ode to Marianita

My little sister Mariana is something else.  I love her so much. It's her birthday today and she is in my thoughts. I wish I could be with her today and tell her how awesome she is, how pretty and smart and wonderful I think she is.  She's studying to become a lawyer and I know that she will exceed any expectations as she tends to do.
when she was little, I remember walking her to school, she was so tiny... the winters in Argentina were bitter and very windy. She was so little that I -honest to God- had to hold her hand super hard because she wouldn't be able to advance from the wind.  I remember her laying in bed with me and imitating a talk show host , Laura en America, and having laughing attacks, as well as fart competitions! Ha!! Too funny. She's awesome and I simply adore her.

Still

I wrote a post about how pist off and aggravated I feel right now but I decided to erase it because after I was done, I realized I didn't have one good reason to feel the way I was feeling. It was just me being a brat.  It's about 90 degrees right now, which is very unusual for Seattle and maybe it was just the heat making me grouchy.  I think it might be that, or the fact that I'm missing him like crazy and I wish I could hold him right now, and kiss him and tell him "let's just forget about everything and start over" but I know that it's not going to happen and that it is completely over between us.  I had a dream that he was hugging me and we were so close, and it felt so right.  I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking about him and I wonder if one day, maybe, we can reach out and rediscover each other.  I know it's not right, he hurt me so much... but for some reason I still love him. He's still my monkey.

Celebration

I had a really nice birthday yesterday. I went home early and when I walked in, there were a lot of balloons and Annie’s gift to me in the living room. She gave me my favorite perfume (Amarige). A little while after, Joel arrived bringing me all kinds of awesome stuff. He gave me canvasaes to paint ( I had told him I wanted to start painting), an esol and acrylic paints and brushes. They also gave me a very cute card. Oh, and I can’t forget… They bought tickets for us to see The Cure at The Gorge Amphitheater in August!! How cool are my friends? Scott arrived a little later bringing me a very nice bottle of Vodka and cranberry juice. We showered and got ready and headed out to dinner.

They decided thay wanted to take me to Daniel’s Broiler. We had the best steaks EVER! Oh my god, I cannot even describe the food there, i'll just sday that each steak was almost 40 dollars and the whole dinner ended up being almost $300 dollars ( the only reason I mention this, even though I hate talking about how much things cost, is becuase my friends are way too cool).

 We also had drinks and Joel asked the piano man to sing "Spanish Eyes" for me, which he twisted it for "Bolivian Eyes". It was so sweet. We dropped Scott off at home and the three of us remaining went to my house were we decided to listen to music, draw with pastels and talk for a while. I’m so happy that they did all of that for me. It was very sweet and thoughtful of all of them.

Annie’s mom gets here today to stay for two weeks with us. It’ll be fun to have her. Oh, I was forgetting… when I got home, I went to my room and Karen and the girls had left me an autographed book with some drawings that the girls had made for me. They are now being displayed in my fridge. They are beautiful! I cannot wait till this weekend, when I can start messing around with my canvases. Thanks guys! I love you too. :)

Happy Birthday to me

El día que tu naciste
Nacieron todas las flores
Y en la pila del bautizo cantaron los ruiseñores
Ya viene amaneciendo
Ya la luz del dia nos dió
Levantate de mañana
Mira que ya amaneció
(Las Mañanitas)

Today I turn 28 years old. I really has taken me by surprise. It’s not that I feel old, I just feel like time has passed by too fast. I can still remember being in Miami blowing 18 candles and thinking 30 was a far far thing in the future. But now, here I am, 10 years later wondering where is the girl I used to be.

Last year’s birthday sucked ass so bad, I spent it in bed crying all afternoon long because Francis had forgotten it completely and didn’t even pick me up at work, I had to walk for a long time to get home and when I finally did, as I walked in he picked a fight and was being a total jerk . As I was driving in to work this morning I thought to myself "why on earth would I still think or miss a guy like that, big mystery. Anyways, I’m feeling a little sensitive today, missing my family and wishing I was with them.
I hope my day improves.

Fahrenheit 9/11 and other things

I went to the movies last night to watch Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. Excellent documentary with lots of information about, to my opinion, very well organized. I sat for almost three hours in awe and amazement. I’m not gonna sit here and go into my opinions about certain aspects of the movie, but I will say is that YOU should go see it.

This weekend will be a quiet one, I think. I don’t have any plans and will probably try to stay indoors watching movies or reading. I have been spending way too much money lately, so movies and books it is. Can’t wait!!

So, sometimes I go to bed after taking a shower late at night and every time I do that, I can’t wake up in the mornings. I think it might relax me too much. Ok, I’m blabbing. I’ll go for now.

Die

If you demand the truth I will lie
If you request my presence I will turn around immediately
If you are sinking I will push you further
I will let you die

But if you untangle me just one more time
Then I will convulse in truth
and I will stay a while
I will reach out and never let you go
If you just say you love me one more time

It’s never easy
There is an abyss in love time
Where we wander like ghosts
You and I dressed in white

Live with me in that undiscovered space
Never let me go outside your life
Haunt me, chase me, shelter me
Come and stay for a while

Independence Day

Words will not do my weekend justice but I will attempt to tell you all about it.

Day 1: We left Seattle Friday night at around 7pm. Headed to Ocean Shores, WA. (Scott, Joel, Annie and I). We stopped for dinner at at BBQ place where we ate really good food and then continued our trip. We arrived at Scott’s parents at around 11pm and stopped in for a few to say hi and blow some fireworks with the two little boys that his mom takes care of. Then we headed to the outskirts of the town to Scott’s sister’s house and set camp in their yard. After we were done, we headed into town to buy some beer. We were all really tired, so we went to sleep.

Day 2: We woke up relatively early with Annie screaming and yelling that she needed to pee and that she didn’t want to go into Scott sister’s house. We all got up and went in to say hi and take showers. We headed into town, directly to the town’s picnic where we enjoyed massive amounts of food and sun. Scott’s mom had cooked a lot of food and we sat there talking and taking pictures. I was amazed at how wonderful Scott is with children. He will be a very good dad someday. At around 2pm we headed to the port to catch the ferry into Westport. Rinky dinky beach town which has a few shops and restaurants but a very cool natural aquarium. We spent some time there looking at the starfish and sea cucumbers. Annie and I separated from the guys to go get some ice cream while they went searching for a bar. We ended up losing them and finally after a while found them sitting in a bench, Joel: beer in hand. Scott: mad as hell. Scott and I headed back to the Ferry while they stayed behind. I had a talk with Scott about him expecting people to jump at his beckon call. The trip back was nice, we saw some baby seals and a very cute All-American boy in a tank top. We got into town in very good spirits, so we decided to hit the local bars! Scott taught me how to play chess and I beat his ass, then we went to another bar where we had more drinks, the third bar was at the Polynesian Hotel where we had lots of appetizers, great conversation
and lots of drinks. We were pretty wasted so we went back to the tents and slept like babies.

Day 3: 4th of July!! We woke up and went to breakfast with Scott’s sister. It was actually lunch because try getting 4 hungover people out of the house in time (plus Scott’s sister). We had a really good lunch (we ate so much food throughout the whole trip!) and then headed to the movies. We watched Spiderman 2, where Scott shed a few tears, hehehe. After the movie, we went to the arcade and engaged in a dumb water bumping cars race. We did get awesome pictures of it. Oh, I was forgetting, we went to the casino and gambled for a while before all of this. Afterwards, we dropped off Scott’s sister at home, got ready and headed to the hotel where Scott’s parents were staying for the week. The room they had was right on the beach with an excellent view of the fireworks. I cannot even begin to explain how many people were out there lighting up fireworks. The beach at Ocean Shores is one of the only ones in the world where it is still allowed to drive on the beach, so it was crazy to say the least. We ate dinner with them and had some drinks. We waited until the sun came down and we walked down to the beach and joined the craziness. We had a really good time even though it was very dangerous since it was a bunch of rednecks in big ole trucks haphazardly lighting up rockets. Scott fell in a hole and it was damn hilarious. We made it out of the beach safe but a pretty drunk. We walked a few miles back to the car and then went on a ride. It was pretty late abut I can honestly say it was one of my funnest moments of the entire trip. Scott tried to hug a deer, we were being followed by a white junky car and I was singing of the top of my lungs. We went back to the house and pulled out the tequila bottle and did some shots. We had so much fun. We lost Scott somewhere along the way. We found him passed out in the tent, snoring like a bear passed out. We have footage of that, thanks to Joel and his camcorder. We all went to sleep Joel and Annie in their tent and Scott and I in ours. In the middle of the night I heard Scott trying to get out and he was really having a hard time since he was pretty wasted. Well, to make a long story short, he ended up getting confused and sleeping in the other tent thinking he was in my tent. It was very funny. You had to be there!

Day 4: We woke up and lounged for hours. We went to lunch and them said good-bye to the family. We headed back to Seattle and got stuck in traffic but it was a fun ride back.

All in all, I had a wonderful weekend.

stuff

I ran into Karl yesterday. He looked so thin and different.It was weird seeing him. As always, he was in some sort of mission becuase someone had broken intohis partment and stolen a bunch of his stuff. I ran into him on 4th and Cherry and we walked together a few blocks down. I'm happy Annie is no longer with him, he's still the same loser.

Last night I asked Joel to let me borrow his VCR so that we can watch some old home videos that Annie had of us in Miami. They were hilarious! I saw myslef at 16 years old and it was crazy.

Anyways, I’m counting the hours till the weekend, it’ll be fun. Yesterday Scott wrote me an e-mail asking me to please make sure Annie and Joel are in bed at a decent time on Friday because we are heading out Saturday at around 10am and. He thinks I’m responsible, how confused he is…

Talking about Scott, I just love that boy. He’s so fucking funny, smart, nice and interesting. It’s too bad I’m never marrying again because if not, I’d ask him to marry me (jk)

fun times

This past weekend was great! Friday night after work Annie, Joel and I went out to dinner to a pizza place in First Hill and then headed back to his apartment. We were hanging out, having excellent conversation when next thing you know, it is 10 am! Hee. Wow, that was weird. I tried to sleep and couldn't, you know how that goes. At 6p.m. I decided to head home, Annie, Kiernen and Joel went to a concert at Seattle Center so I decided to spend some alone time. I tried going to sleep but the phone kept on ringing then finally around 12pm I went to bed. Sunday morning Scott called early and I went to pick him up. Annie and Joel wanted breakfast and we wanted to go to a few garage sales so we arranged to meet up later. Scott and I went to a Mexican restaurant in Magnolia and found a few good garage sales before meeting up with Annie and Joel. We finally did, and at around 4:30 we headed to Joel's place for some drinks and roof top view. The view is amazing! You can see the entire city and Puget Sound. We stayed up there until the sun came down and then went inside. We ended up having one of the best times I have had a in a long long time. We got to singing, faking orgasms and laughing until my face hurt. Joel was playing the piano like a mad scientist, Scott had the microphone at first and next thing you know, it is a full on party of four. We were all pretty drunk and things got real fucking funny. At around 1am we head home and realize that Joel had forgotten his car at my house so we go inside to call him and let him no he wouldn't have a ride to work tomorrow. That's when my heart sank. Francis had left me a note at my door saying he had stopped by to see me and that he needed to talk to me and to please call him at work. I didn't know hat to think or do,  so I did nothing. I went to sleep. Yesterday afternoon he e-mailed me and again, I didn't do anything. I just wonder what it is that he wants from me. Why won't he let me move on and stop being so selfish with me.

So anyways, this coming weekend is 4th of July long weekend so Joel, Annie, Scott and I are heading to Ocean Shores for a weekend full of fun, beers and who knows... I'll remember to post when we get back and let you know all about it. I plan on having the time of my life since last year's 4th of July was a miserable one for me. Things have changed!! Hell yeahhhhhhhhh.

Cuentito

Bajaba la ventana y la volvia a subir, luego de un rato, la vovia a bajar. Miraba hacia afuera pensando en esta noche interminable, insomne, densa. Al escuchar los ruidos de la cuidad cercana, le entumecian sus fantasmas, esos ruidos que durante tanto tiempo infaliblemente lo amacaban hacia un sueño profundo, ahora lo mantenian despierto y alerta. Como aquel dicho que dicen los perseguidos "dormir con un ojo abierto", como la ansiedad de saberse solo e interminable, pasaba el tiempo sin rumbo final y sin afan.

Esa noche, noche como pocas, igual que la anterior pero diferente, fantaseaba con ella, la sentia cerca, si pensarlo y menos decirlo, la esperaba, la sabia. Llenaba sus pulmones de aire tibio y la extrañaba. Cerrando los ojos la recordo desnuda y dormida en aquel amanecer de septiembre cuando todavia las promesas estaban vivas y el amor habia recientemente retoñado. El vivia para observarla, mirando su pecho extenderse, ni suspiraba por miedo a que cualquier moviemiento en falso interrumpieran aquella perfeccion, la de su sueños, ella,
la de sus sueños.

Extendiose la noche como era esperado y sabiendose inutil, dejo que sus ojos descansen. Leve razon la de su existir.

Garotos

Estórias pra contar
De um tempo perdido na imaginação
Coisas pra esquecer
E certas lembranças que eu quero guardar

Que aburrimiento, por Dios! Estoy sentada en frente de la pantalla, sin hacer absolutamente nada, no tengo ganas de trabajar, tengo sueño, recien son las 11:30 de la mañana y falta mucho para las 5:30 de la tarde. Tengo que encontrar la manera de que pase este dia rapido asi que creo que voy a estar escribiendo bastante hoy. Mi mente anda fantaseando ultimamente, lo cual me acaba de disparar recuerdos de mi vacacion en 1992.

Cuando yo tenia 15 años fui de vaciones a Florianopolis, Santa Catarina (Brazil) con mi amiga Francine y su familia. Tomamos la ruta en el Puegot 504 gris rumbo a Uruguay, Final Destination: Floripa. El viaje fue largo, pero valio la pena porque nos esperaba 2 meses de vagancia, cigarrillos, tragos, chicos lindos, playa, compras, una casa en la playa y muchas otras cosas mas. La primer noche dormimos en Uruguay, en la frontera con Brasil. El hotel en el que nos quedamos fue el primero que encontramos ya que llegamos tarde y el pueblito estaba lleno (tax free area). Esa noche dormimos con las ventanas abiertas, hacia tanto calor!! Los mosquitos se dieron un festin, entraba el ruido de la calle y los bares, la cama de sabanas blancas era como una canoa, hundida en el medio, pero nada era importante, solo que estabamos de vacaciones, teniamos 15 años y teniamos la vida por delante. Cuando amanecio, continuamos viaje rumbo a Santa Catarina. Cuando anochecio, quedaban como 2 horas para llegar a la isla y el auto decido no andar mas. Un testigo de Jehova que iba en la direcion opuesta nos socorrio y nos llevo hasta la puerta de la casa que habiamos alquilado. Increible el jesto del señor. Esa noche empezo la que fue una de las mejores vacaciones de mi vida.

Habia una bodega a una cuadra de la casa y ahi conoci a Ailton…tendria unos 30 años, bronceado, ojos verdes, tipico brasilero lindoooo esa noche hicimos un double date con Francine a la cual enganchamos con Renato, el primo de Ailton, un feo de aquellos (ella me debia un favor:)) caminamos por la playa, me dio un millon de besos, uno mas rico que otro. Salimos un par de veces mas hasta que el viejo dueño de la bodega me informo que Ailton era casado y tenia hijos. Como explicar los dias que le siguieron a la noticia… estuve tirada en la hamaca toda triste hasta que aparecio Carlos, el hippie de la playa que hacia las trenzitas y los dreads.

Alguien lo trajo para que nos haga trenzitas en el pelo y zaz! Flechazo! El le dijo a Alejandra que gostaba muito de mi. El era mulato, hijo de aleman con negra, tenia los ojos azules como el cielo y el pelo largo largo tipo rasta, era hermoso!!! Ese dia no paso nada, una que otra mirada y una sonrisita por aqui y otra por alla. A los dos dias me lo encontre una tarde en Canasvieiras, la playa que quedaba ahi nomas de la casa. Estaba yo sentada con Francine en las piedras que separabas Canasvieiras y Sobaco das Cobras, el sol estaba bajando y lo vi. Se sento al lado mio y nos pregunto si queriamos ir con el a la playa nudista, yo por supuesto dije que si y Francine, porque no era boluda y era buena onda, dijo que se iba a la casa.

Empezamos a subir la montaña y finalmente llegamos a la playa nudista. No habia un ser, nadie mas que el y yo. Se desnudo y se metio al agua. Estvimos un rato largo ahi, y luego me dio que me queria llevar a un lugar especial ( imaginate la tarada de 15, re confiada) y yo le dije “o.k”, me podria haber dicho tiremons del precipicio y yo estaba tan enbobada que seguro le decia “o.k”.

Me llevo por unas piedras, hacia una cueva, que cuando entramos se abria, y habia una laguna chiquita la cual estaba llena de flores flotando(juro que es verdad!!). No se como explicarlo, pero era definitivamente el lugar mas magico de mundo Era todo tan romantico, especialmente para mi que era virgen, que todo lo que vivia era nuevo y excitante. Me acosto en una piedra y me empezo a besar y tocar, y se acosto encima mio. Fue la primera vez que sentia a un hombre duro, el era enorme ( y no lo digo porque era la primera vez que lo sentia, sino de verdad era grande). Ma acuerdo cuanto me calento el tipo, mi mente iba a mil por hora y me besaba y me tocaba… Lo deje bajar y hacerme lo que quisiera con su boca. Lo hizo por largo rato, lo cual yo disfrute tanto! No tenia la mas palida idea que los hombres le hacian eso a las mujeres… El me dijo que nunca habia estado con una virgen…@@!$%%$#% fuck! Me dije yo. Y me empeze a poner nerviosa, porque loca era, pero no tanto hehe. En fin, no lo deje, lo deje bien caliente yo no lo deje. El se porto bien, me acompaño a mi casa y se fue. Lo vi un par de veces mas pero no deje que pase nanda mas que un par de besitos. Recuerdo ese dia como un de los mejores dias de mi vida.

Mi vacacion fue larga, pasraon muchas cosas, pero tengo que dejar de escribir ahora. Continuo con mas historias en otra oportunidad.

Poema

Te lo debo todo a ti
Lo que tanto querias que sea
Aquella que nunca fui

Te lo debo todo a ti
Aquella mañana de otoño
Aquellos sonidos que di

Te dedico mi vida
la que vivi a traves de ti
Aquellas manias, te las regalo
te las debo todas a ti…

Fade

Breathing your scent
Tasting your breath
Sensing my fear
You fade away

I forget your harm
It dissipates
Every time you reach inside
And pull my veins

Lost it, feelings of ending
Beginning closed
Mouth closed, eyes shut
Dripping blood all around
You gave it away

Fetish 

We headed out to Portland Saturday afternoon (Jenna, Terry, Corey, Annie and I) and check into the Kennedy School Hotel around 5:30pm. We got ready and headed out to the Bachelor/Bachelorette party for Franz and Basha (Jenna's friends).
First stop: Mary's Club. Stipper joint, beautiful women, horny men.
Second Stop: Piazza Italia. Excellent food, lots of people (about 50 in our party), italian men and good conversation.
Third Stop: Fetish Party somewhere in the seedy part of town. Whips, women with big titties and fire. Crazy!
Fourth and last stop: Hotel, Stripper Boy, Terry on mushrooms, hotel cop.
Went to sleep around 6am after a long fun night.
No complaints on this end.

Surprise!!

Yesterday was one of the best days I have has in along long time. I woke up and took my sweet ass time to get to work, when I got there our server was down so nobody was working, just talking away. At 11am Ann, Erin, Mike F., Mandi, Peter, Chad and I took of for lunch. We took the metro tunnel into Westlake and went to PF Changs. The food was amazing as well as the conversation. At 1pm we were done but Erin and I stayed behind and decided to go shopping. At almost 3pm we got back to work to find that the server was still down, so more bullshiting until it was 5pm. Oh, David gave me an awesome book as a gift.
In a very good mood, I came home and took a shower, got ready and waited for Annie.She and Marcelo got here and we went out to dinner to TGI Friday's. I took off from there to Ann's house in Edmonds becuase supposedly she had a little get together with some friends to introduce a new cosmetic line. So I get there and oh my god! I was a surprise good-bye party for me!!! Every single woman from work was there, even some friends that no longer work there. It was amazing, first surprise party ever. I got some gifts and got a little drunk, enjoyed myself the entire time I was there and then came home and fell asleep. I'm going shoppong today!!
I know this entry sound like a 14 years old diary but oh well, tough shit :)

Ultimamente he estado leyendo varios blogs, algunos que frequento desde hace ya bastante y otrosacabo de descubir. Cuanto me gustaria tener la capacidad de poder escribir mejor, de que todos los dias tenga algo nuevo que contar aca. Lo que me pasa mucho es que en el transcurso del dia,se me presentar muchos pensamientos e ideas de cosas que que pueden llegar a ser un post, pero una vez que me siento delante de la pantalla, no se me ocurre nada!
Me siento tan poco creativa.

This past weekend Annie and I took a ride out to the mountains, to Snoqualmie Falls. It was a beautiful day up here in the Pacific Northwest, warm and sunny, the trees were all in bloom and the skies were clear through and through.
On days like that, I find myself thinking about my childhood, about those days were things were simple, thinking and remembering things vividly, like if it hasn’t been that long, things I used to do and smells that invade my sense and still awaken something in me. Remembering little things that bring my joy.
There is nothing like the feeling of opening the window, letting the breeze hit you in the face, while the images in the corner of your eye fade away and blend into one green or brown trail. Then you stick out your whole arm, open your hand, you do waves and catch the air.
There is nothing like that feeling to me on a warm, sunny afternoon with no worries on my mind and many reasons for being happy.

I just got back from Muleady's (sp?) after a fun night of beers and interesting conversation with Scott. I can honsestly say that life in the past few months has been really good and I have been meeting people and feeling a lot like my old self. I even decided to stay in Seattle for a while, and I say "even" becuase I was literally with my bags almost packed but fuck that... I can't live my live running away every time things get rough and i'm faced with problems. I'm a grown up now and whatever problems I have now will not go away until I take charge and face them head on and do something about it. I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and for what has happened. In the end, I was crying over something and somene that wasn't worth it.
So... life is alright and I ain't gonna die.

Yahoo!

Que nervios!! Acabo de salir de mi entrevista con la Ciudad de Seattle. Si consigo este trabajo me muero! (Bueno, no me muero... per si que estaria re-contenta).

For whom the bells toll

Un dia como hoy, hace 4 años, me case con el amor de mi vida. Era una tarde soleada, rodeada de mi familia y amigos y era muy feliz. Hoy es un dia lluviso y frio y despues de 7 meses de separados, hablamos como dos extraños acerca de los impuestos y como vamos a hacer el divorcio.
Que loca que es la vida.

Things I rather be doing today other than doing timesheets:

- Leyendo “A Room with a View” a la sombra de una palmera.
- Viajando un un crecero rumbo Cuba, estadia: indefinida.
- En cama mirando una pelicula con mi familia entera.
- Desayundando un omelette en ese lugarcito que fuimos con Ale y Simon en Los Angeles.
- Caminando las calles de Buenos Aires fumandome un cigarrilo.
- Tomandome un vodka.
- Charlando y riendo con mi mejor amiga.
- Manejando, escuchando musica y cantando.
- Rascandome.
- Besando.
- Comprandome zapatos y carteras.

It’ll all happen soon. I have a feeling...

Yo sabia que esto iba a pasar. Sabia que me iba a encontrar en esta maldita posicion, sin saber
que hacer. Estoy tan indecisa con lo de mi mudanza, y que hacer con mi laburo, y que hacer con mis cosas, que mierda hacer con mi auto, como voy a viajar, me quedo?, me voy? La puta madre que lo re mil pario...tantas cosas que tengo que hacer! Arhhggg... Odio sentirme asi. Yo tengoque tomar una decision y rapido porque estoy en limbo y asi no voy a llegar a ningun lado.

Si alguien me preguntara” what would you rather be doing?” o “Where would you rather be?” yo diria que viajando, viendo el mundo, tirada en una hamaca comiendo mangos bajo la sombra de una palmera en Bali.

Misadventures at the Front Desk

8am first call

Me: Good Morning, (Insert company name) This is Karen how may I help you?
Client: Good morning Karen, may I speak with (insert name of principal)?
Me: I’m sorry, he’s at the movies.
Client: ...

Apparently my brain was still in bed this morning...or at the local theater.

Subtle, huh?
This is propaganda from 1970 by Asela Perez for the International week of solidarity with Latin America.
Pretty cool.

My Ghosts

I wonder what life has in store for me. I know, I know...we all wonder that and I know that if we knew beforehand what we have coming, we would not make any mistakes and things would be so boring and predictable. I just wonder if I’ll be happy, if I’ll have children, if I’ll own a home and who I’ll share it with.

Yesterday I saw an old couple at the grocery store and they were walking hand in hand, they were old and gray but they were there for each other. I don’t know that story behind them and who knows, maybe they hate each other and they were just holding hands for physical support but regardless, they were together and have probably weathered many storms in their lifetime.

Francis would always tell me that he had this feeling inside of him telling him we were meant for one another. He believed that we knew each other from previous lives, an eternity of them, and that in our next life we would somehow find each other again like we have for centuries past. We would talk about us growing old together and I believed him, I wanted to share that with him so bad. I have pictured us sitting side by side 50 years from now, outside our house somewhere down south, tasting the salt in the air and taking it all in.

I know that it is over between us and I’m glad it is. I wouldn’t want to share my life with a person that doesn’t love me back, but I can’t help but feel the void in my life, the emptiness I feel when I think about our future together, the tearing of my heart when I picture my unborn children and when I hear the echoes in my mind as I walk inside our un-lived house.

He has been the only person I have ever allowed myself to make plans with that hardest part to deal with is the hollow feeling that is left inside me...regardless.

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see
(Sarah McLachlan)

El tiempo pasa,
dia tras dia
estoy mejor.

Arrrrrggghhh!!! Tengo ganas de gritar!!!! Que dia de mierda que estoy teniendo... Espero que pronto termine porque la verdad es que ya no aguanto mas.

Movimita
(Los Taifas)
Santa Ana del Yacuma
Paraiso terrenal
Tus mujeres son hermosas
Las mas bellas del pais
Como yo quisiera
una Movimita
Que poquito a poco
Me ha dejado loco
como yo quisera esa Movimita
de Santa Ana
de Santa Ana...

Me estoy quedando en la casa de mi jefa esta semana ya que ella y su familia se fueron de vacaciones y no querian dejar a los perritos solos. Es en Edmonds, WA y esta a una cuadra de Puget Sound. Se ve toda la Peninsula desde su living room. Va ha ser interestante ver como me siento viviendo sola, aunque sea una semanita, me dara el feeling de ver como me siento llegando a una casa sin que nadie este ahi esperandome. Ya les cuento como me va.

I burned myself with boiling water a few days ago. I burned my stomach pretty bad so right now I'm in pain and pist off at my stupidity.

Seattle

Seattle has been home for the past 2 1/2 years. Aca me han pasado cosas, cosas que voy a recordar con mucho cariño y otras que prefiero olvidar.
Seattle's skyline in one of the prettiest I have ever seen (and I have seen quite a few, ehem...) When it's sunny here, Mt. Rainier will leave you in awe.
The mountain views are breathtaking, the houses are all so pretty, summer here is incredible, the flowers, Lake Washington, Alki Beach, the market, Diablo Lake and the Cascade Mountains...
I know, I know...
Pero siento dentro mio que me va a hacer bien irme lejos de aca. No tengo nada en contra de la ciudad,es mas, estoy segura que la extrañare, simplemente que aca no he sido feliz.

First Image up!!!! Thanks to blogdir.com

I love this man. I don't drool over actors or singers... but... Dave Mathews is one of a kind. His music is just incredible and he's so damn cute.

Karen Once Again

Chuva de prata que cai sem parar,
Quase me mata de tanto esperar,
Num beijo molhado de luz,
Sela o nosso amor.
(Gal Costa)

Ha llovido sin cesar hoydia. Recuerdo las tardes lluviosas en Cochabamba cuando era chiquita y viviamos en la casa de la Avenida America. Yo miraba a traves de la ventana que daba a la calle, hipnotizada por la lluvia. En ese entonces, yo no sabia lo que era el amor entre dos personas, pero en mi mente ya existia la nocion del romance. Me ponia muy pensativa, quiza un poco triste sin saber porque. Esas tardes no me aburria, aunque lo unico que hacia era mirar por la ventana y contar las gotas, uniendose unas con otras y formando grandes lagrimas que bajaban por el vidrio. Esas tardes... las recuerdo con nostolgia.

Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria
(Nirvana)

When I was 17 years old I was living in Miami and hanging out with my friend Andreina day in and day out like if we were bound by the hip. We lived a block away from each other, had gone
to the same highschool before she “resigned�. One of us always had a car (well, technically not always because we were always, for some strange reason, getting in car accidents. Three that
year).We had the same taste in music and other things. She
was in love with Eddie Vedder and I my gray courderoys were my second skin.
Our fist job together was at the Youth Fair in Miami, I was selling apple dumplings while she was getting all kinds of zits from frying them fries. We would run to each others stand whenever “Far Behind� from Candlebox was playing on the loud speaker and every night after work, we would ride in her little green Tercel till we found ourselves some trouble.
We had lots of friends but we wouldn't hang out with anyone esle because we knew nobody "understood". We would punch each other in the arm while laughing and fumando buddah like if they were going out of style and listen to Zeta 94.9 and laughing all the time.

I have so many stories to tell about experiences with her that as I’m writing this, I can honestly say I don’t know where to begin. I’ll get my thoughts in order and start with one tomorrow.

Grumpy

porque yo no quiero trabajar
no quiero ir a estudiar, no me quiero casar
quiero tocar la guitarra todo el dia
(Los Autenticos Decadentes)

Desperte esta manana de muy mal humor. Relamente ya no quiero trabajar. No es que sea una vaga que quiere rascarse todo el dia. No, no es eso. Es simplemente que estoy muy aburrida de hacer un trabajo que hace ya bastante, lo puedo hacer con los ojos cerrados.
Como muchos dicen (todos yo creo), quiero hacer algo que me haga feliz. Quiero escribir mejor,quiero viajar y recorrerme el mundo, quiero aprender a tocar la guitarra y visitar mi mis amigos que estan regados por el mundo, quiero tener plata para no preocuparme de nanda y tener que dejar las cosas para de aca a dos semanans porque tengo que esperar mi proximo cheque. No quiero estar atada de 9 a 5 a un trabajo que me paga bien pero no lo que meresco y que no me
hace usar la cabeza.
Lo peor de todo es que yo se que no saco nada con quejarme y quejarme, que al fin y al cabo, so y yo la duena de mi vida y la que toma las decisiones y que si quiero cambiar, el cambio lo tengo que hacer yo.
Bla bla bla.
Todo esto lo se, pero como dije... desperte esta manana de muy mal humor... asi que dejense de joder y dejenme quejarme:)

Hace bastante que no escribo aqui, no por falta de ganas sino porque realmente estoy harta de leer lo que escribo y darme cuenta que sigo hecha mierda y que soy una patetica enpedernida. Ya no mas! Se acabo! Quiero escribir otras cosas, no quiero dar detalles de conversasiones que al fin y al cabo no llevan a nada y no quiero estra triste anymore.
Asi que de ahora en adelante se acabo!

La pase super bien en Miami, me senti rodeada de familia, el sol me hizo bien, la musica en la radio me hizo recordar momentos felices y ver como vive otra gente me hizo pensar que realmente no hace falta estar tan sola, que no hay motivo alguno por el cual yo este tan lejos de mi familia. Lo unico malo de vaije es que fue tan corto que no logre ver a mi amiga Andrea, mi abuela me tenia de una oreja y no me desprendio un un instante.. Casi me muero porque hace mucho que no la veo y hubiese sido increible. Todavia no puedo creer que no la pude ver :(

El primero de Agosto es el dia D. Estoy que me muero de ganas porque el tiempo pase rapido ya que un cambio en mi vida es lo que quiero. Ahora estoy sola y como dicen en mi pueblo, puedo hacer de mi vida un poncho si me da la gana!

No estoy triste,
no es mi llanto,
es el humo del cigarrillo
que me hace llorar

Dios es empleado en un mostrador
Da para recibir
¿Quién me dará un crédito, mi Señor? Sólo sé sonreír
(Sui Generis)

He just called again. I will see him tonight at 9:30. Don’t have a clue what I’ll say yet but my stomach is tied up in a knot.

Ode to my Family
(La Nena Feliz)

Fui feliz. Muy feliz. Mi infancia fue una sin problemas, sin complejos ni traumas. No tenia que preocuparme por muchas cosas mas que tener amigos y pasarla bien.. Mis padres eran jovenes, nos consentian, nos proveian de lo que necesitabamos y lo que queriamos. Jugaban con nosotros y permitian que mis amiguitas se quedaran a dormir en mi casa y que yo fuera a casa de ellas. Las noches que tocaba en mi casa, esas noches, mi papa se encargaba que la carpa este armada en medio del living, que las peliculas de terror que planeabamos ver esten listas, que haya hotdogs y chocolate en cantidades y juegos para pasar la mejor noche.

(El era el mas cool de los papas!)

Al desperatar, al dia sigueinte, desayundo completo con panqueques y mermeladas y seguramente planes de ir a la piscina o por ahi, comer parrillada en mi casa.
Todas mis amigas me decian que ir a mi casa era lo mejor, que era donde la pasaban excelente y donde nos podiamos quedar despiertas hasta la hora que nos daba la gana.
Yo nunca senti verguenza por mis padres, jamas los vi como antiquados o fuera de onda. Me siento afortunada de que me hayan tocado padres como los que tengo, al igual que hermanos y hermanas que son lo mas.

Mi mama era (y lo sigue siendo) una mujer hermosa, que andaba en tacos y siempre arreglada pero a la vez simple y para nada plastica.
Ella es calmada, con un corazon enorme, comprensiva, ser creativo, complice y amiga.

Mi papa es y siempre sera mi super heroe. Es inteligente(sabe todo), es comprensivo,tiene la mente abierta, es emocional, carinoso, chistoso, adulon y me ama y adora y yo a el mas.
Entre hermanos nunca nos permitieron pelear mas alla de un par de palabras cruzadas y luego era sabido que teniamos que disculparnos y asunto terminado. Nos enseñaron a ser personas honestas, simples, a creer que somos capaces de lo que querramos y que somos inteligentes y afortunados.

Asi creci, en una casa linda con muchos jugetes, leyendo los libros increibles de mi papa, tomandonos vacaciones dos veces al anio a lugares increibles, en buenos colegios, con gente siempre alrededor, con miles de tios, primos, amigos y demas.

Los recuerdos de mi infancia son tesoros para mi, son mi base, son recuerdos que cuando vienen a mi mente me hacen sonreir… y por eso me considero una persona muy afortunada.
Ahora que ya soy grande, no hay jugetes ni vacaciones, ni papa ni mama cerca a mi alcanze, no hay noches en la carpa en medio del living ni sabados por la manana de familia conejin.

Pero siempre pienso:
“ Y bueno, a quien le importa, con una infancia asi?�

Lo que leyeron, es suficiente para mi.

It's a typical situation
In these typical times
Too many choices
(DMB)

Porque sera tan dificil aceptar el hecho de que de ahora en adelante (y siempre) uno es dueno de su vida y que con ella puede hacer lo que se le de la gana? Porque buscamos excusas cuando llega la hora de tomar decisiones y dudamos nuestro criterio? Porque pedimos opiniones si al fin y al cabo lo que nos digan no va a ser 100% lo que no parece correcto?
Porque estoy hablando en plural si capaz es un problema singular?

Random Phone Calls
He called yesterday. Again, caught me off guard in one of the busiest days I've had at work in a long time. He just wanted to tell me he has forwarded some important mail to me. We hung up and I stayed thinking about how many things I have been meaning to talk to him about so I called him back. We agreed to see each other and sit down and talk.
I went home and waited for his call and sure enough he called. We are getting together today after work.
I'm not sure what I'll say once I have him in front of me but I guess we need to discuss how we are going to proceed on the divorce and so on. It's going to be really hard to see him and have such an unpleasant conversation but it's gotta be done. I've been so nervous and confused. I miss him so much, he sounds like if he misses me too but its a sad sad thing that he had to go an ruin everything to the point of no return.

On other news...
We are having a snow storm and I drove to work this morning. It was nasty and hazardous but I'm looking out the window right now and I can see how beautiful it looks.

Te comportas de acuerdo
Con lo que te dicta cada momento
Y esa inconstancia, no es algo heroico
Es mas bien algo enfermo
No quiero sonar mil veces las mismas cosas
Ni contemplarlas sabiamente
(Soda Stereo)

Praying for sun
It has been extremely cold!!
Paso el fin de semana sin muchas novedades. Estoy viajando el viernes por la noche a Miami a ver a mi hermana, a su familia y a ver a mi Mama Sonia. Ya no veo las horas! Voy a conocer a Camila, my new niece y a ver mi amiga Andrea. Realmente ya no estoy aqui.

On other news...

Estoy planeando mi roadtrip para Agosto. Very very excited about that. Planeo bajar desde Seattle hasta Portland, Oregon por I-5 y luego tomar the scenic road all through the Pacific Coast, bajar hasta San Francisco, luego Los Angeles y ahi tomar la Autopista 10 que me lleva por todo el sur: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana (una parada en New Orleans es necesaria), luego continuar por Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia y finalmente la Florida. De esa manera ya me abre recorrido la mayoria de EEUU contando mi viaje cuando me vine a Seattle que lo manejamos por la via del norte. Yo creo que el viaje lo manejo sola, va a ser en el verano asi que no estoy muy preocupada. Una vez que pase la montañas en California, el resto sera smooth sailing.
Mi plan es llegar a Miami, asentar e irme a ver a mi familia inmediatamente por un par de meses. Luego regresar, buscar trabajo, alquilarme mi depto y continuar con mi vida.
Para mi el cambio es necesario, alejarme de el, estar cerca de mi familia, dejar este frio puto y las memorias putas.

Take life by its horns
Each time you find yourself at a turning point,
the best thing is to lie down and let hours pass.
Resolutions made standing up are worthless:
they are dictated either by pride or by fear.
Prone, we still know these two scourges,
but in a more attenuated, more intemporal form.

Yo no quiero que la vida me suceda. Quiero ser primer protagonista en vez de ser una espectadora pasiva.

Memoria calcificada, recorrida una y otra vez
Cansada de estar cansada, te pido que me saques de alli
El ruido de mi mente
El sonido de tu ausencia
Retumban aqui

2004
Woohooo... I guess.
It's now 2004 and I plan on making this a wonderful year, full of changes, moving on, moving out and moving ahead.
I have big plans, pienso viajar, mudarme, cambiar mi imagen, visitar a mi familia (4 anios que no los veo), pienso divorciarme, y continuar estudiando lo que hace tiempo deje (in no particular order).
Espero poder cumplir con todo eso y mas y que el 2004 sea the turning point. There is no possible way it can be worst than last year so I'm definetly looking forward to a new beginning.